To leave DH if he loses his second job in three years?

[Joness2]

My DH got dismissed (walked before he was pushed) from his previous job 3 years ago. It was set to go to hearing but his Union representative advised him he was likely to be dismissed so he resigned in order to not have to declare a dismissal when applying for future roles.

I was furious, I was in the early stages of pregnancy and could not believe he would be so stupid. It was a very worrying time for a while with finances etc.

He found a new job about 2 months before our child was born so had minimal paternity leave (he would have had 4 weeks had he not left his job). It caused a lot of resentment and I struggled to get over it.

He has remained in that job without issue until now. He told me after work today that he has been informed of disciplinary action due to inappropriate comments towards (female) colleagues on a night out. This is the exact reason he had to leave his job before. He promised me then he would not go on nights out with work again, something he has mainly stuck to only waning if it’s something where there isn’t drink involved.

This time, he is convinced that he will get a warning and is not at risk of dismissal. This is his opinion rather than factual.

I am so bloody angry with him doing this again and told him that if he loses his job, we are over. Infact, I’m considering leaving regardless having been told the vile comments.

He says I should be supporting him and that we are a team and to threaten to leave is making it ‘about me’.

Do you think I should try to support him through this and how to handle any hearing or would you leave him to clean up his own mess?

For there to have been any risk of dismissal the first time round, it must have been more than comments.
A few years back, a male colleague sent me unsolicited dick pics, it later transpired he'd done the same to other young female colleagues, he'd also used made-up work requests to find 'ins' to build relationships and contact with female colleagues. He and I were mid-30s, most of his 'targets' were under 22. He also had a fiance, it turned out.

You might be thinking he must've been dismissed without passing 'Go', But instead, they dropped the investigation, slapped him on the wrist and let him sneak out the back door to another government department on promotion. Likely emboldened to repeat the same behaviour, in a new role responsible for large cohorts of young women. These men don't change. Not only do we let them get away with it, we often reward them for it.

@Joness2 if or when you leave him, you need to be very clear to everyone, including him, that it’s because he doesn’t respect women and makes vile comments not because he’s lost another job.

You don’t need to answer this, but has he ever said anything so revolting to you?

But your experience is abnormal, not the norm. You can’t really say to OP that there must have been more than comments based on your experience.

Stop blaming her. That isn't helpful.

And by the way the union advised that there’d be no chance of him staying not because the manager would "influence" the hearing - what the fuck - but because what he said was a fireable offense.

Agree. I'm so sick of this "low bar" trope being used to bludgeon the partners of asshole men.

My dh reported a guy who said less than this.

You are married to a vile, disgusting sex pest.

Please leave him for the sake of your children or I predict years of hell.

I doubt very much that he wants an affair, a shag would do.
But some men seem to have no idea that it’s their own disgusting behavour that’s such a complete turn off. So they keep trying it on.
(A classic example of the definition of stupidity, where you keep doing the same thing but expect a different outcome. Twat. )

I don’t understand why you seem more bothered about the job than about him sexually harassing women?

Poor op. What a shock.

Is he generally quite a creep about women in your presence op? Or does he generally speak respectfully of them? What’s he like with his friends?

As a man leave him. He sounds like a tool.

I can understand a lapse in judgment when engaging in humour, a the standards of today haven’t always been. But I read all your posts in this thread and my god, your other half has got problems. I’d honestly suggest a psych evaluation because no normal person should exercise such poor judgement.

The experience posted is far from abnormal. Problematic individuals often get shifted off teams where they cause nothing but trouble and delays and drama into managerial roles where (strangely enough) it is perceived they can do less harm to projects and client relationships.

He's a horrible pig. Please leave.

Whatever he said it is a pattern of inappropriate behaviour against women. He didn't learn his lesson he just repeated his mistake. He sounds grim and dim. I'd be getting ducks in a row.

Well what are his redeeming features that having a child with him was a great idea all you can do now is focus on that

sure but unsolicited dick pics are the gold standard of evidence, employers can’t easily explain that away. Has tribunal written all over it, it is unambiguously strong evidence

I don't think I could be with someone who thought that way about his female colleagues, not to mention someone who continually jeopardised his job. I'd be making a plan to leave. Sorry OP. You are not being unreasonable. This is all his own doing.

His comments are disgusting, I’d be surprised if he only got a warning.

Op, it's time to make it manditory that DH completes a course on appropriate treatment of females in the work place and in all aspects of life, really.
Ask the courts for references to respected courses and insist that DH enrolls and completes...otherwise he will be dismissed from your relationship.
You need to see changes and he needs to appreciate a better way to treat women.

It was the third time that made me call it a day. I gave him warnings not to make it three. He thought I would cave. Being free of the endless worry of what was he up to, the denial, the cover up, the lies, the finding out, working thru the consequences and then the relief until u feel it's starting again but u don't yet know how....binned him. Total bliss. Can now watch the car crashes at a distance. Not my circus. Brilliant. Highly recommend

Hi @Heyho3

Yeah in answer to your post and just thought I'd mention that a rather rotund man with a red suit and long white hair and beard comes down my chimney every 25th December (Christmas Day) with a sack of presents. Who knew?

"threaten to leave is making it ‘about me’."

Well he makes everything about him with his big fat mouth so it's your turn.

He's selfish. He hasn't learnt and has no intentions to. Your move OP. I'm confident there's a better specimen out there for you personally.

From your title, I was all set to vote YABU. Then I saw that you're married to a creep who sexually harasses women. This is a very good reason to start clinically planning your divorce. He's already proved he doesn't value you, your marriage and DC, other women or his job enough to stop being a slimeball.