Page 16 | To leave DH if he loses his second job in three years?

JFDIYOLO · 12/08/2025 15:57

I have voted yes you are being unreasonable - for focussing entirely on the possibility of him losing another job.

It's not about that.

It's about the fact that you know you are married to a serial pesterer, lech, creep, misogynist. And aren't considering ending it over that. Those poor women.

MrsSunshine2b · 12/08/2025 16:13

I'd be more concerned about the fact that he's a creepy pervert with no respect for women, although the fact he keeps getting sacked for it makes matters worse.

BySassyGreenPanda · 12/08/2025 16:33

Bambamhoohoo · 12/08/2025 15:57

Benefit cap is £26k a year. Good luck getting a mortgage on that level of income. Neither would I want to go from a full mortgaged house into a shared ownership property, which is, obviously, only part of an asset.

none of these things make the OP “better off” in benefits as suggested. They are not only unworkable for most but involve a detriment to living and financial standards the impact of which will be felt for life. Be more strategic

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Shared ownership is very affordable in areas where property prices are lower. You could easily buy a 25% share of a flat with £26k salary.

MissRaspberry · 12/08/2025 16:37

I'd leave him for the fact he can't stop sexually harassing his female colleagues. You only know he does it because now for the second time he's up on disciplinary with the possibility that he's about to lose another job over it. He even admitted he resigned so he didn't have a dismissal on his work record because he knew full well that he would have to disclose his reasons for being sacked off and any future employers would think twice about employing him. He's clearly not making mistakes he knows what he's doing as this is the second time that you know of him doing it. There could be more times he's done this that you don't know about

Bambamhoohoo · 12/08/2025 16:38

BySassyGreenPanda · 12/08/2025 16:33

Shared ownership is very affordable in areas where property prices are lower. You could easily buy a 25% share of a flat with £26k salary.

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Yes I know. Then you would own 25% of a flat. Great for a FTb, not quite so attractive for a middle aged mother leaving their owned property.
besides, if she gets half the equity on a decent house she won’t qualify, but may still struggle to raise a mortgage to buy a full house.

these aren’t little issues, they have deep detrimental impacts. You don’t do them lightly. OP needs to plan, not take this flying by the seat of your pants into oblivion approach posters are suggesting.

Cyclebabble · 12/08/2025 16:53

As a Manager I think he will be fortunate to keep his job. Particularly given a number of women have complained. His behaviour has been extremely poor and the company will be mindful if they leave him in place and he does so again they have a degree of culpability. They of course do not know why he left his last job but might now be more inclined to make enquiries. Even if he gets through this time it does feel inevitable he will cross a boundary soon. I would think carefully OP. It does not sound as if he recognises he has done anything wrong?

ChaliceinWonderland · 12/08/2025 17:08

Jojimoji · 11/08/2025 20:31

To lose two jobs in three years due to inappropriate behaviour towards women is indicative of a pattern that will likely last a lifetime.

It's gonna happen again OP.

This.

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 12/08/2025 17:08

Reading this has given me the ick 🤢 I would be leaving him regardless of the outcome!! Those comments show a lack of respect for you, your child (male or female to be honest) and females in general!!

Absolutely vile comments. Flip it on him and see how he would feel if you made these comments to a male colleague!

JohnTheRevelator · 12/08/2025 17:10

Once is maybe forgivable,but twice? Was he dismissed from the first job for the same reason?

Gigglydancybox · 12/08/2025 17:14

I would leave because of the comments, not because of the job situation. My ex made lewd comments to younger (much younger her females) and is now being investigated by the police for criminal sexual offences. Red flags were there but I stupidly ignored them and how it made me feel.

BySassyGreenPanda · 12/08/2025 17:39

Bambamhoohoo · 12/08/2025 16:38

Yes I know. Then you would own 25% of a flat. Great for a FTb, not quite so attractive for a middle aged mother leaving their owned property.
besides, if she gets half the equity on a decent house she won’t qualify, but may still struggle to raise a mortgage to buy a full house.

these aren’t little issues, they have deep detrimental impacts. You don’t do them lightly. OP needs to plan, not take this flying by the seat of your pants into oblivion approach posters are suggesting.

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I'm not commenting on OPs situation or advising her.

My posts were just to clarify that someone on benefits can secure a mortgage on UC in certain circumstances. There was a bit of confusion about whether or not it's possible.

Lucyccfc68 · 12/08/2025 17:40

SweetHydrangea · 12/08/2025 10:50

Tell that to my best friend who is living her best life as a single mum on benefits. She owns her own new build house - shared ownership but still, the bit she doesn’t own is rented so she gets it all paid for by universal credit. Child support from dad. She’s been on 4 holidays this year so far and has another booked for October half term, nails, eyebrows, hair always done, can afford spa weekends every month. She has a better standard of living than me and my husband and we both work.

And most lenders will take universal credit as valid income for a mortgage, so if she’s working part time as well, I think you’ll find she will absolutely be able to get a mortgage on a shared ownership property.

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How many credit cards does she have. Not a chance does she do all that on a part time job, UC and some maintenance payments.

Jeschara · 12/08/2025 17:41

Your husband is disgusting, and him saying you are making it about you should show you what a vile individual he is.
To sumerise, he is a sex pest, he makes vile comments to women, he is a bully and in my opinion a lech. All this is on him, you are not a team, you did not make the vile remarks.
Leave this piece of shit, and show him you do not condone his behaviour, your children deserve this too, he us no role model to them.
You deserve so much better, and leaving will give you your respect back.
I wish you well.

Whatswrongherethen · 12/08/2025 17:42

I was the woman this happened to at work. It was fucking horrific. Honestly... Scarred me for years. I took a grievance. It was upheld. It took so much from me and my family. HR tried everything to make me just accept what had happened. It was literally an open and shut case of harassment. If HR are taking it this seriously, you can rest assured it's much worse than he is admitting to.

Please do leave OP. You deserve so much better. So do the women this a hole is targeting.

Cosyblankets · 12/08/2025 17:47

If you let him stay you'll always be waiting for the next time

GiveDogBone · 12/08/2025 17:48

If you feel your life will be better raising a child on your own, go for it.

JakBaraksCodpiece · 12/08/2025 17:53

This is now law in the workplace -taken from gov.uk website. From today (26 October 2024), employees can expect their employers to take reasonable steps to protect them from sexual harassment as a new duty comes into force.
Employers now have a duty to anticipate when sexual harassment may occur and take reasonable steps to prevent it. If sexual harassment has taken place, an employer should take action to stop it from happening again. This sends a clear signal to all employers that they must take reasonable preventative steps against sexual harassment, encourage cultural change where necessary, and reduce the likelihood of sexual harassment occurring.
His comments are absolutely horrible, personal and are way over the line to two women who he's humiliated and treated like they worth nothing beyond how shaggable he thinks they are. To think he effectively lost his job when his wife was pregnant and all the resulting stress and financial worry and having found another job does the same thing!! The anxiety of being married to such a stupid reckless twat would be enough for me to start getting ducks in row to leave. His employer is legally required to deal with sexual harassment in the workplace and he's a massive liability. They don't sack him and he does it again to another colleague they have failed to protect that colleague from him.

Willyoujust · 12/08/2025 17:59

Why on Earth would you stay with him? He’s clearly the office sleeze!!

knor · 12/08/2025 17:59

I would leave. I think more because of the reason of the dismissals rather than the dismissals themselves, if that makes sense.

him being a creep is grim and it’s not fair on you (or the other women.) also lots of women don’t report so I’d imagine there’s lots more instances that you don’t know about.

I think he was also very lucky to get another job after the 1st job/time and he probs won’t get lucky again.

I’ve had creepy managers at work who were married and I’ve often wondered if their wives know/knew and how they stand for it.

(I also want to add it would be useful to know what he said, is it a weird joke that could be taken the wrong way iyo or is it totally creepy.)

ilovemyhamster · 12/08/2025 17:59

His behaviour is awful. I'd be on tenterhooks he'll do it again and I'd struggle to live like that. You deserve better OP. Hugs

Festivespirit85 · 12/08/2025 18:00

He's not learnt from the first time. He's clearly a misogynistic, sex pest creep. Chuck it in the bin!

HAB75 · 12/08/2025 18:01

Is it some sort of cry for help? Is he super-stressed at the moment? Did he have a terrible relationship with his evil mother? In my line of work I have genuinely experienced these sorts of comments coming from someone who was crying out for some help.

I wouldn't necessarily leave, but I would only stay if he went and got therapy to deal with his deep seated issues and correct his hideous attitude towards women. If he's not willing to attend, then that tells you what you've somehow been hiding from yourself - that he is one of those pathetic blokes who thinks that the world is ready for a Men's Equality Party. But I would offer that one olive branch - that you won't go if he gets help - because there is a chance that those comments come from a darker place that needs some light.

MMUmum · 12/08/2025 18:02

I would not want my name associated with someone like this, distance yourself as far as you can, although obviously there are Dc to consider

Tandora · 12/08/2025 18:12

Joness2 · 11/08/2025 22:03

It’s embarrassing to type out to be honest.

Previous job - he made drunken comments to a senior manager. Summarised - said she isn’t good at her job and must be a cracking shag which is why her male line manager kept her on. So inappropriate. Union advised that there’d be no chance of him staying as the manager would influence the hearing.

Current job - three comments involving one colleague as well as a manager (not his own). Colleague works remotely and met team for the first time in person.

He commented (saying he was surprised) on her having a nice bum and not being able to appreciate it through a screen. ‘Joked’ about starting a gofundme for her to move nearer to the office so the men could see her more regularly.

Other manager, comment was not made directly to her but to a colleague who reported it. Basically, it was said that this manager is quite strict and pulling people up on performance. He said that he wouldn’t mind her disciplining him and suggested a sex act she could perform (basically using a toy on him)… so fucking gross

This is absolutely disgusting. I would be raging that my partner thinks it’s acceptable to say these sorts of things to women. Clearly he has zero respect for women and thinks we are all contemptible sex objects. Rank. So sorry OP.

Imaybeoldbutstillrandy · 12/08/2025 18:13

Joness2 · 11/08/2025 20:22

My DH got dismissed (walked before he was pushed) from his previous job 3 years ago. It was set to go to hearing but his Union representative advised him he was likely to be dismissed so he resigned in order to not have to declare a dismissal when applying for future roles.

I was furious, I was in the early stages of pregnancy and could not believe he would be so stupid. It was a very worrying time for a while with finances etc.

He found a new job about 2 months before our child was born so had minimal paternity leave (he would have had 4 weeks had he not left his job). It caused a lot of resentment and I struggled to get over it.

He has remained in that job without issue until now. He told me after work today that he has been informed of disciplinary action due to inappropriate comments towards (female) colleagues on a night out. This is the exact reason he had to leave his job before. He promised me then he would not go on nights out with work again, something he has mainly stuck to only waning if it’s something where there isn’t drink involved.

This time, he is convinced that he will get a warning and is not at risk of dismissal. This is his opinion rather than factual.

I am so bloody angry with him doing this again and told him that if he loses his job, we are over. Infact, I’m considering leaving regardless having been told the vile comments.

He says I should be supporting him and that we are a team and to threaten to leave is making it ‘about me’.

Do you think I should try to support him through this and how to handle any hearing or would you leave him to clean up his own mess?

OK, so your DH has been dismissed before for inappropriate comment about female colleagues.

My feeling is that I wouldn't want to live and have children with a sexist pig who feels it OK to make these comments. He hasn't learned his lesson when was dismissed before, I doubt if he will learn from this lesson now - especially as he's talking about you being a 'team'. I'm sorry, but I see no evidence of 'team working' here. I'm not one to run to LTB, but, do you really want to being your children up in a household where this man feels it OK to make sexist remarks? What kind of male role model is he?

Get your ducks in a row, prepare for a fight which you will win.

Good luck OP there are some lovely men out there & you can do so much better.