To lock up all our food etc when we leave

[ChangerMonNom]

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

SiL needs a lesson in manners - "Kingsman" style 😉
Can't wait for the update!

Perhaps we could put together a list of the most annoying pass agg things to leave behind.

1 tea bag
1 inch of rock hard coffee
Salt in the sugar jar
One handful of pasta
A quarter of a loo roll
One dishwasher tab (but plenty of washing up liquid so the tight arse can spend her holiday washing by hand)
Some gone off milk
I laundry tab

Also "accidentally" pack the lead for the kettle.........................

If your husband doesn’t want things to change he can continue to subsidise his tight arse, rude sister with his OWN money. Not money that comes out of your joint account.

If she's arriving before you leave, text her and say there's no provisions in the house, can she stop at a bakery and buy some made up rolls for lunch?

I don't think that's is perry. Lock up non perishables in your room or wherever and leave the perishables or take them home with you to use. If it comes up in conversation then either be frank with them or just act like you have no idea.

My Ex BIL used to do this all the time. The last time we were out for dinner with them he did this and my friend said since she wasn't drinking and had her car she will nip him up the road to get it 😂It was brilliant and he was raging but she made him go home and get his wallet.

I'd leave empty boxes.

OOoh make lunch with all the food you would normally have left behind!!
Then they have EATEN it and there is nothing left they cannot complain 🕶
Very carefully work it out so the fridge has stuff in it but it is all MADE into JUST ENOUGH for you all to eat.
And the last dregs of milk enough for a coffee / tea for you all but none left ("Gosh is that all there was!??")

Why not send them a text asking them to bring a lot of basics with them to give them time to get things bought.

Just say at the start of the meal when the waiter appears can we have 2 bills as the DC eat so much now we wouldn’t want you to have to pay for them when we go halves.

Please please update us... I would leave a teabag with a slight tear in it and a spoonful of coffee (which I would leave lid off a couple of days prior so it's nice and hard) washing up liquid I would water down and leave 5 sheets on the last damp toilet roll. No point you going to do a shop and replace all when your going home!! 😜

100% agree.
toilet roll,
washing up liquid
dishwasher tablets.
leave just a tiny bit of all.
nightmare..

When I first saw the tittle of this post my initial response was it all sounds a bit petty. However having read right through it I don’t blame you at all. I’d only leave them a bit of toilet roll and the equivalent of what they leave you and nothing more. It’s what they deserve. So what if it starts a family row, you need to make a point, and it’s a fair one. YANBU

The slightly ripped teabag idea is genius. I have found my people.

I’d leave an empty dishwasher tab bag and a loo roll down to the tube. No oil or milk but lots of (likely useless w/out milk) tea. Lots of pasta but nothing to go with it. Maybe buy something you know they dislike- kimchi or kidneys or something and leave them in the fridge/freezer

With a gushing ‘help yourself to DH’s special pickled eyeballs!’ Or whatever message

Just leave small amounts, nearly-finished packets of things. If she spits the case and asks, then be clear "I wanted to make sure there was our favourites on hand at the start of our next visit. Obviously I'd not use the last of an essential and not replace it, but I need to know therell be oil, pasta, rice flour etc in when we arrive - need to keep the teens fed!"

Long time lurker, first time poster, but this really struck a chord @ChangerMonNom - i hope you see this reply 😍

Firstly - this would drive me nutty as well, as it feels like they are taking complete and utter advantage of you, and i too would be tempted to say ‘sod them’, and remove all the supplies just to make a pointed pointy point 😆.

However, as @PassTheLemonDrizzle very sensibly said “ strangers on the internet will happily stoke the fire … But, this is not their lives. These are your in-laws, so however unfair it feels, there’s a good chance you will be painted as the bad guy."

So is there a middle ground? A solution where you cannot be taken advantage of this time, but where you also cannot be perceived as petty/passive aggressive/ the bad guy? A solution where the SIL cannot moan about you to other family members?

You said they are now coming sunday morning, while you’re still there? Maybe you could reply to that text of theirs with a “oh, meant to say - we’ve been a bit swamped this trip, and haven’t had a chance to replenish stocks of food/cleaning products - just wanted to give you a quick heads up so can pack whatever basics you might need"
(reword into your own tone of voice)

oh, and then, of course, pack everything away, and make sure it’s WELL hidden in your car early in the day BEFORE they arrive (in case they surprise you by arriving early 😅 )

By going this route, you are not been taken advantage of this time, but equally you cannot be accused by them of being petty - after all, you’re giving them a heads up etc etc.

Yes, it does cause you a small bit of pain next time, because you’ll have to bring stuff with you (although i have a solution for that also - next time you're going, can you do an online shop of the basics that you’d usually have there, to arrive at your holiday home the evening you do? We often do that, because one is often unpacking and relaxing that first evening, so no hardship to hang around for a delivery)

Keen to know what you think - and best of luck

Quick thought, sorry if this has been said further up the thread. You could try leaving stuff, but supermarket basics range-loo roll, teabags, instant coffee, boring biscuits. See how that goes down.

Out of interest, do you share the running costs of the house in proportion to how much you use it, or the ownership?

Because if it's the latter she's getting a cracking deal already on council tax, utilities etc. If it's the former then I'm not sure I'd die in a ditch over teabags. It is inconsiderate to leave the place cleaned out though when it is a shared family home so on those grounds alone, I'd have a box of semi-non perishable household goods locked away.

Leave nothing at all.
SIL then has to fund herself, for everything, and she can take it all home with her.

"Oh, SIL, we left it how we found it"
" the old system wasnt working [for us]"
"You're as tight as a fish's arse, and I'm not funding your parasitic lifestyle anymore"

I would do both, leave yourselves a stash of essentials and leave them small amounts for the first day or two they are there, a small pourer of oil, the rest of the large bottle stashed, a few dishwasher tablets, a small salt shaker, one spare toilet roll, a few teabags in a tin, etc, and whatever perishables you don't want to take home. So they can't really complain and you are not really being mean, just making sure you have bits for the next time.

I would leave the bare minimum of basic essentials for their convenience if you've always done that, so as not to do anything obviously any different thats noticeable (as they sound a like thoughtless & shameless people), as you've done before then they'll not even notice and will make them have to stock up for themselves over you having to do that for them :0)

Another vote for not paying for their lunch. But mostly, she sounds such a silly moo that I wouldn’t want to sit and eat lunch with her anyway. Agree with others that having a big breakfast or brunch and heading home (with your supplies) would be a far nicer way to end your trip.

Thanks! Needed the laugh!