To lock up all our food etc when we leave

[ChangerMonNom]

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

You are enabling the situation you can’t change anyone except yourself
you need to set boundaries people-pleasing causes resentment and relationship imbalance

I vote for being petty but strategically. Use a smoke screen of non-pettiness eg a couple of dishwasher tabs, a few remaining teabags in the box. Make it look like the boxes are almost empty of everything but you are leaving them as you are not being petty. This way you are making the point subtly without being obvious that you are making the point. Even leave a pint of milk because thats the nice thing to do and is not expensive. This approach also means you cannot be accused of anything which undermines the SIL argument against you for pettiness before they have even tried - it disarms them.
I would not leave a locked suitcase though - I would take it home with you and store it - because a locked suitcase undermines the subtle approach and could be busted open. I would in future keep your own suitcase of supplies for when you are visiting up there. This approach keeps the peace and shows willing but makes a subtle point - all without meaning you are doormats to your SIL.

I raise you one toilet roll to a toilet roll with three sheets left on it , a tea bag with a little split in it and some out of date milk.

You could always say cheerfully that you are on an economy drive...

While you're at it may aswell leave a massive turd down the bog for good measure

Remove absolutely fucking everything.

Just before (ideally, minutes) they arrive there, post to group WhatsApp etc:

'Oh, since we've had issues with sundries not being replaced, we've decided it's best if everyone takes their own'...

If that message arrives too late for them to pack accordingly... oh dear. What a shame.

I like this idea. Few bits but lock everything else away. Then you'll see if a) sil and p have replaced the items and left for general use it b) Replaced the itens (as they would have to) but them mesnly taken them home. What about drawing up an agreement re:supplying of essentials?

I would leave cheapest of everything. Cheap toilet roll one or two. 1 kitchen roll. Cheap tea bags, tiny cheap jar of coffee etc., if she said anything I'd say well prices have gone up so much I've cut back but you can always bring things with you like we do. Then add beggars can't be choosers 😁

You need a family meeting , decide what the basics look like , make a list. Each family unit ensures that the list us complete on leaving .
Simple

Of couirse they are not using it, she is taking it home with her!

Tight people would not simply use and not replace, someone like her would use what she needed and pack the rest to take home to save her some money. So from now on, you buy your own and take it home (or hide it in your case). Set the precedent now. Same for cleaning stuff. If she doesnt do any cleaning why do you need to leave it there? That probably goes in her case as well.

Personally I'd put the stuff in the suitcase as like you say, it's then convenient for you the next time you stay to have it ready. If she ever discouraged you'd done this just say it makes life easier not having to remember all of the things you will need. She is a CF and counting on you feeling too awkward to say something.

This was going to be my suggestion too! Let it get slightly damp with the steam from a kettle, that'll do it.

Yes op lock up the bigger items if sil is tight it might teach her a lesson she says she hardly uses anything so no need to leave her anything the fact she’s never contributed let her pay for her own stuff she might be a bit more grateful going forward. How cheeky to let you keep buying stuff.

I was team "leave a small amount of everything" but reading your updates I am now team "lock it all away". You've tried to be subtle. They have continued to take advantage. Gravy train ends today. If they get upset, they get upset. They've upset you. This way you won't be stuck late at night with no supplies.

Leave bottles with just dregs in, enough to use once/twice, but forces them to buy stuff. Then take your own next time but if by some miracle they have bought some- use theirs. Rinse and repeat, they’ll get the message.

Good idea but like half a loo roll, 2 tea bags, tiny bit of coffee like a teaspoon!! Put rest in a locked suitcase under your bed. Cheeky fuckers

If it was me I'd let the 'communal' stuff start to run down and just take what I needed and depart leaving very little else behind, to kind of make something of a point. I think this is a problem that's the flip side of another post on here which is along the lines of 'why won't my family ferry us around so we can join them on holiday without having to stop buying coffees' - people who don't contribute simply don't realise the contribution of people who do, iysyim, so I'd stop providing if they don't reciprocate or even do the reach. Let them wipe their bums on a leaf during their frequent mini breaks 🤷‍♀️

If you do leave milk make sure the use by date has passed.........

I agree with your husband. Go high.

Clear communication out money in a kitty for communal things that everyone uses. As the wife of the brother you will become enemy number 1. It doesn't take much to piss of the in laws ! It's thier holiday home. Their rules. Play or go somewhere else for your holidays. Share nicely. This is a legacy property and I'm sorry but as the woman in the family she will win

We have a holiday home and share it and the agreement is if you use the last of something you replace it - therefore washing up liquid, laundry detergent, salt, pepper, sugar, tea, coffee, cooking oil is the basics we don’t leave without replacing. It all works out even in the end and to be fair the other couple use it more than us so probably have to replace more - we even leave each other booze etc and again just replace the gin if it runs out etc. It works well as everyone plays fair. Your SIL is taking the piss and you are 100% in the right to lock it away. Especially since you have spoken to her and she is refusing to play fair.

Small update. SIL is now coming down early Sunday so we can buy her and her DP lunch have lunch together before we leave, so I may have some live reports then. Will have to hold my nerve when she notices lack of expected items in house

OP and her DH paid for 70% of the holiday home plus they reburbished it entirely at their own expense so it's more OP's holiday home, her rules.

@FioFioSILK it isn't a legacy property. It's a joint purchase (sort of)

Just say they’ve all been used up by everyone else. And you only had the last scrapings!