To lock up all our food etc when we leave

[ChangerMonNom]

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

I prefer this boiling a frog approach.

I wouldn' t leave anything if they never reciprocate but maybe have a kitty for shared necessities ?

Yes, I agree. There's no way they will leave behind something they could use at home.

I wouldn’t be locking it, I’d be leaving it in a clear box with your & DH’s name on the front. If anyone queries it I’d say “oh yes, we’ve started doing that because it’s so tricky arriving in the evening with the kids and not having enough of the basics”.

I agree with this. Take everything home and use it there, you bought it. If anything is a nuisance for you to transport ie butter or oil possibly leave it, or throw it away. Maybe act like it's a rental cottage where you clear out everything that you bought but leave behind the bare essentials that where already there ie salt and pepper. If anyone queries what you have or haven't left you can say that whatever was in the store cupboard is presumably still there, you didn't check. Because, hey, you're just a casual person 🤷🏼‍♂️

Just take items home instead of locking them up

less petty looking

Why not just do the mature and sensible thing if take with you what u need and take it back with u when u leave???

It all sounds so frustrating!

I personally would have a convo and say the current system isn’t working for you and suggest that if it can’t be resolved, you both have a lock box with your own consumables in.

or better still, just have a ‘holiday cottage box’ with it all in that you take with you and bring home after. All packed and ready to go for the next trip.

Definitely take your stuff and stash it. We used to have to do this in a holiday home we owned outright. People take the piss. Half the point of having a holiday home is not having to be loaded upto the eyeballs because you can leave stuff not for cf’s to use it all and not replace it.

no just leave a toilet roll with one sheet in and a nearly empty jar of condiment. Of course if questioned you simply used stuff up

Yep, they're CF & very unlikely to change, or contribute to a kitty. Not worth a family rift as no doubt you would somehow end up being painted as the tight one. I think you either just have to suck it up, or quietly decide to do it differently from now on. Assuming it's in the UK, no more fresh milk, eggs, coffee or treats left for their arrival. Stuff not used comes home in a lightweight crate in the boot if it's an amount worth bothering with. Food used up at home, non-perishables left in the boot so it's handy for next time. I'd leave the absolute basics - loo roll if already in the holder, a couple of dishwasher tablets in a container under the sink, a few teabags - but that would be it.

Love this! 😅

It becomes so emotionally charged between family members as unresolved childhood issues can drive behaviour that would never be accepted between non family members! Old jealousies and slights can be played out and family dynamics can quickly become resentments in these situations!
We had a family holiday home that we shared between three siblings (and their children) and parents, whilst it was a real luxury to have access to this several times a year, the arguments and fall outs were frequent!
One sibling always felt they could dictate when they had their holidays, when they arrived and left, they would only do the very basic wipe around of the holiday home, never cleaned, whoever followed them had to do a deep clean, parents would not tackle this sibling as they were the golden child! Myself and the other sibling really tried to follow each other or our parents as it could be seriously grim, the messy sibling couldn’t ever see that they arrived to a spotless holiday home and left it dirty.
The unwritten rule was to replace anything that was broken…the times I arrived and something was strategically placed/propped and I quickly established was broken…TV…Video….wooden blinds…Hoover…shower… I replaced them and did ask the previous sibling if they knew anything, but the reply was it was always working for them!
Most bizarrely was the sibling who would rant each year that everyone else had better weather and it wasn’t fair!

Sadlly, some family members feel entitled and cannot and will not change their behaviour. Sometimes you need to call them out, but I suspect they are teflon coated!

The thing is, you feel like you're being taken advantage of, but you've chosen to do all of those things, and you do it knowing full well the favour won't be returned.

Rather than getting frustrated about it and becoming petty, you could just choose to stop.

You don't need to lock up the salt and pepper, but you also don't need to leave a ready supply of loo rolls, milk, bread, dishwasher tabs and cleaning products etc either.

Just stop going the extra mile.

Buy yourself a big plastic box with a lid that you can easily fit in the car and get in the habit of bringing those things back and forth.

😂😂😂, yep, worn.

Oh, please lock your stuff up!
I can’t wait for the update when they arrive and realise. They are CF’s and your DH is too generous with them.

Nah if sils that’s tight she will have them up for sale in minutes. Free cash.

You are right, end of !

I think you should be petty but not be obvious. Don’t lock it away, just take it home with you. Then they’ll have nothing and be put out but you can say you didn’t realise things had finished.

Ooh..... This!! But maybe the sachets of salt and pepper you get in cafés...🤷🏼‍♀️😁

My level of pettiness has been found 🫣🤣

I'd put my stuff in one box and prep a Cheapskate's Welcome Box in another. Swap at end and beginning of trip. Job done!

If she’d done it once or twice, I’d just ignore it but if it’s constant, no way. Lock your stuff up. Your DH needs to grow some and explain to the family (pointedly SIL) that you’re sick of arriving and finding essentials gone, so in future, everyone needs to bring their own. (Every family has an awkward one, and they are pains as no one wants to tackle them so they get away with murder!!)

How do you know SIL's not playing a game herself, anyway?!

So would I because they would have been done in less time than it took to go to the shop to buy the dishwasher tablets.