To lock up all our food etc when we leave

[ChangerMonNom]

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

You’re right BUT be prepared for this to cause a big rift.

On that occasion, I'd definitely have taken the brand new packet of dw tabs home with me.
I'm with you, you've given them the opportunity to be more community-minded by raising it before, so I don't think going straight to locking things away is unreasonable - I would.
You could maybe give it one last try by sending a message saying "we leave the oil/tea bags/loo roll etc at the cottage so that there's still plenty there next time we arrive. By all means you're welcome to use some of our things during your stay but if these things are running low by the time you leave, please could you replace them so we're not left with nothing or only small amounts left when we arrive."
Then if they still carry on, you would definitely be justified in locking it all away - they had their chance!

..

There are two of them? Leaving one would be maximum pettiness.

If you aren't that brave go for three.

In that case, SIL and her husband are not good people.

It sounds to me as though they have a good thing going, as they don't pay their full share towards the property maintenance, yet use it more than OP and her family. I'm surprised that they're stupid enough to jeopardise their good fortune by being too tight to buy toilet roll and a pack of dishwasher tabs.

If you want to be a good sport, leave half a toilet roll, one dishwashing tablet, a little bit of salt at the bottom of the salt shaker, and lock away the rest. That'll teach them. If they have the courage to complain, I'd reply 'It's just the two of you, as you've said before, you barely use anything.'

But considering the way they've acted before, you're entitled to lock everything away and leave them to do their own shopping on arrival.

I wonder if sil is jealous and doesn’t like that you own the majority and make the decisions. There’s obviously a big gap in finances which also could lead to resentment and disharmony.

id do whatever you can to reduce how much resentment you feel about the situation as dh doesn’t want the conversations.

Lock it up.

TIght people in my expereince have no scruples - regardless of who earns more it is the principle !

However, your husband needs to step up a bit

They are taking the piss
You have raised it nicely. Don't need to cause a scene. Quietly ake your stuff away in a box to be brought back next time. Don't even make issue with DH. You are the one probably thinking about those essential supplies anyway

Do it gradually.
Leave 50% of what u normally do
Then 25% visit after
Then 10%..
Slowly does it.

Just take all your things home and bring them back next time. If they say anything you can say, oh we used it all up 🤷🏻‍♀️

Buy the cheapest low value items you can see.

If she did "guess" this combination, that is just THEFT. Of course it is anyway, but there's at least an argument for using items from a shared property (not one I agree with, but there is one).

Opening someone's locked case is a completely different thing and totally out of order.

I'm afraid I agree. There is no way to win this unless you are prepared for brutally honest confrontation.

But SIL uses the holiday home much more than OP and her family do, despite contributing much less, so why should she be jealous? She gets all the benefits of having a holiday home with very little financial outlay and yet is penny pinching and mean when it comes to providing and paying for the food and other essentials that they use. She is being massively subsidised by OP and her DH.

Gosh they've got used to all your handy little freebies haven't they? Take anything perishable home and only leave the store cupboard stuff that's currently in use, like the loo roll on the holder or the sugar in the bowl, the rest is put away or taken home. Leave it how you found it, basically.

Oh they will look in case they suspect you have hidden it - and like a PP said you can avoid a row by simply taking it all home and not leave them anything or cause for an argument. Hopefully they might get the message. I don’t think it’s petty at all, they sound like a couple of lazy freeloaders

YANBU
Your SIL is a CF. If she gets annoyed it’s clear that you subsiding these bits during her stays seems to be the expected norm from her.

Make sure that one has a hole in it....

Oh cry me a river. The majority of the other posters agree with me and as the SIL doesn’t afford the OP that luxury why should she be so considerate?

I would hazard a guess they are already taking leftover stuff home. Including what OP has left behind. Otherwise, there is no way they could judge it perfectly to always have used up everything that has been left for them to that level of accuracy, consistently.

I would not buy the eggs, milk, coffee, chances are they don’t use them. I would leave a started loo roll and would definitely leave oil or anything that might spill in a suitcase.
You sound incredibly resentful, I think you need to leave it to your husband.

I'd have washed them up by hand rather than let her have that little victory.

I'd have left the pots in the dishwasher, ready for her to run once she remembered!

Most of the petty responses here make me cringe, but I wouldn't see that as petty, just a practical response to someone forgetting DW tablets.

I would be taking all my stuff back home with me and leaving none of it for her. In this day and age these things aren't cheap and she should be contributing. If they do t get chance to get one thing for whatever reason at least let you know so you can grab some on the way or take with you as long as this doesn't turn into taking the pee