To lock up all our food etc when we leave

[ChangerMonNom]

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

Just take it all home with you.

Leave them w 1 dishwasher tab, a loo roll and a teabag or two. If they complain, “Oh, there’s just so many of us!”

Could you leave a list of what you've left behind and specify that if anything off list is used it should be replaced or money left to cover replacement.

As another has said leave a few bits, 1 loo roll, 2 dishwasher tabs, a bar of soap etc but nothing else. I hate tightness!!

op has already asked for them to contribute they just make excuses

Sorry i now see that you own 70%, so can see why there would be resentment. I’d do whatever you can to make things feel fairer, including limiting how often they stay in relation to their ownership stake. I’d also make clear the expectations for cleaning and shared items. It doesn’t need to be professional but it does need to have an agreed standard.

Because once they realise (and they probably will if the cupboards are suddenly bare) then it could escalate and make OP look petty—even if she’s completely justified. I think she either needs to be honest and say she won’t be restocking for everyone anymore and everyone buys for themselves or offer a practical solution like a shared essentials delivery. Give them the choice on how to move forward. Passive-aggressively locking things away will just open the door to unnecessary drama.

I would take my things with me or get a small locked box.

With this approach you can add “I assume we’re all sorting ourselves out in future, so remember to bring supplies with you next time.” You’ve called out the poor behaviour and given fair warning people are responsible getting their own stuff in.

"You arrived and there wss barely anything in? We just left it as we found it. But cleaner."

I would lock things up or take them with me but I would also say “since you agreed not to replace things that you use up, we also won’t leave things behind so don’t forget your loo roll. Glad we have agreed the best way or manage things “

I would probably leave enough for 1 night so 2 dishwasher tablets, a few teabags definitely do not buy milk for them (any comment reply with a oh we forgot) and let them stock themselves for once. If they take it back home with them it's fine your stuff is still there.

There’s generous.
There’s passive.
There’s conflict avoidant.

Yes I agree with this. Just leave 1-2 of each and lock up the rest.

Almost empty coffee with a just a few gravy granules mixed in.

That's all I came to say.

YANBU, do it!
I have a very mean SIL like that and it's exactly what I'd do.
An example of mine is when the children were young, we'd all go to the cinema together. She wouldn't buy her kids popcorn as she said they didn't like it. She'd then tell her kids to get a handful of my kids' popcorn, because "they have plenty".

I bet they take all the leftovers home with them - the leftover dishwasher tabs, teabags, half a loo roll, the last bit of oil carefully wrapped in one of the bags for life you purchased.

I’d be setting new rules. Fine if SIL doesn’t use cleaner during their stay, but she should need to use on departure so it’s clean and safe while empty and ready to use by next arrival.

prepare and laminate a list of “essentials” that should always be left behind - eg a min of 3 dishwasher tablets, 10 teabags, 2 inches of olive oil left in the bottle, 2 toilet rolls per toilet, a roll of kitchen towel, …go through all the things that are absolute basics and decide how much there should be of each of those left for sharing so each new arrival can unwind on night one rather than rushing to shops.

And on your next visit, prepare a cupboard in the kitchen or your room that you can lock - for the alcohol, nice bits, your favourites (like the jar of sauce you like for emergencies, the brand of pasta you like…snack packets of crackers to have with cheese etc) so you know at least some of what you have there to expect and not need to pack/buy en route. Take a photo before you lock the cupboard to remind yourself (and identify anyone who invades the cupboard in your absence).

They are not good guests. I'm as tight as a ducks ass and hate cleaning but when I leave the family caravan after a week. It's spotless, with unopened toilet rolls and oil and tea in the kitchen etc. I will even text the next person coming and ask if they want us to leave stuff like jam in the cupboard or half a bag of oven chips etc. rather than throw them away. It's a social contract.

Seeing as you jointly own the property, you have far greater concerns.

Tea bags, loo roll, dishwasher tablets, etc. are the least of your worries.

I would take note of what they've left for you when you arrive, and leave exactly the same items for them when you leave

I would gradually leave less out. So this time maybe leave a pint of milk, coffee and eggs plus maybe one kitchen towel and a couple of toilet rolls, salt and pepper. I’d possibly leave a few dishwasher tablets too but then pack everything else away. If they say anything, you could just say ‘oh we ran out of that and didn’t replace as we were off home and didn’t get chance to restock’
Next time you could leave less out, or maybe leave some cooking oil but not the kitchen towel and dishwasher tablets.
That way it doesn’t look like you’re purposely taking everything away, but they hopefully learn that they can’t rely on you to provide/leave everything.

You are not a good person. You should always assume the next person arrives late or exhausted. Them being able to have a cup of tea. When they arrive at your destination is a bare minimum.

Yes it’s not being great but you behave well the first time and if the other party doesn’t , you match her behaviour or you are being taken advantage of

Definitely lock your stuff away. We have a shared holiday home and we have similar issues. I leave it clean and fresh linen on beds. I came back to poo on the sheets and filth everywhere.

..and if they take their provisions that they will have to buy then you do the same next time.

do they leave anything of theirs usually?