To lock up all our food etc when we leave

[ChangerMonNom]

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

Why are posters saying ‘leave the bare minimum’…the SIL leaves FUCK ALL!!

OP…leave nothing! Her CF selfishness would seriously piss me off! And your DH is a wimp who doesn’t want to upset his CF sister!

When we had access to a family owned holiday house, the rules were to leave washing up liquid and loo roll (there was no dishwasher or washing machine) and you could use up anything left in the kitchen cupboards. No cleaners either - you had to leave it clean. Being a bit OCD, that meant a major job when it was my turn. We had it for about 25 years and no one ever broke the rules afaik (and I would know).

Your sil and bil sound mean and petty in the extreme.

And save up to buy them out of their 30%. And if they refuse, sell the property and buy your own.

Actually, I think this is the best solution. And if they ever ask if they can stay for free, you can say it's fully booked for summer.

thongs I can't take home for other reasons, I'd leave them.

Now that would be a good revenge - leave a dirty thong in the washing machine.....😂

Do you share the ownership of the place or the running costs? I’m wondering whether there will be an issue when PIL pass away if they own it and things are awkward with SIL?

id definitely leave nothing at this point and store your own cupboard staples.

You are right, obviously, and they are graceless, ignorant and tight.
I don't understand the response 'it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’ –what were you asking them? If you're asking them to make sure there is loo roll and cooking oil for when you arrive, that doesn't make any sense.
And obviously you should make sure that people have at the very least when they arrive!
I'd absolutely everything up, and if/when they bring it up, tell them that you're looking again at the division of costs and responsibilities because it's not working for you.
And stop buying all the cleaning products! Everything should be split 70 per cent/30 per cent, or whatever the proportions of who owns the place are.
I'd work out the costs, split it proportionately and present them with it.

I don't think that OP's SIL and partner own the full 30% of the property. OP has said that her PILs and her SIL and partner own the remaining 30%. I would guess that SIL and her partner either own 15% or, more likely, that the parents paid the full 30% but share it with their daughter.

Sure, if you want to launch a grenade into what seems to be an otherwise good family relationship then go for it…

Honestly, if you’ve got storage space at the house, just make life easier for everyone and sort a supermarket delivery every so often—stock up on basics like loo roll, dishwasher tablets, washing powder, tea, coffee, oil, etc.

Then just say, “Hey, figured this would save everyone faffing about. If something runs out, just let me know and I’ll reorder.” They will just be relieved not to have to think about it.

You can either split the cost based on how much time people spend there, or just agree a rough split per person—whatever feels fair. Keep some UHT milk or frozen bread in the freezer for emergencies.

The SIL doesnt give a shiny shit about leaving anything for OP and her family. Just put it all away.

It’s not petty or going low, it’s treating the SIL exactly the same as she treats everyone else! What’s good for the goose and all that.

And carrying on with the status quo isn’t ’going high’ it’s being a doormat.

OP, buy the other 30% and then charge that CF SIL every time she visits.

Part of the joy of having a holiday home is not having to bring every thing with you. We leave cleaning products and herbs spices tims pasta etc . And wine and whiskey and good coffee beans . And we have a locked kitchen cupboard for the alcohol and good stuff, and a ‘replace what you use ‘ for the rest . If I had a SIL like that I would definitely sweep everything into a locked case and leave it there . And if it was touched I’d absolutely lose my shit and let them have it . DH is responsible for his own reactions.

Why don’t you just take it all with you? Leave it as they leave it for you but don’t actually keep the suitcase there, take it home. This is what I do. I take what is needed, and return with it too.

I think 1 teabag would make a stronger message😄

How is it launching a grenade if OP just does what her SIL does and doesn't replace the items that they have used up during their stay?

Currently, OP conscientiously stocks up on all the stuff her family has used so that her SIL and partner don't need to go shopping when they arrive. Her SIL doesn't show her the same courtesy and actually argues that they hardly use anything because there are only two of them.

If her SIL and partner arrive to empty cupboards and fridge, they can't complain as that is how they leave things for OP.

I would just bring enough for you going forward and say you got fed up of subsidising everyone when no one else is contributing.

Be honest why would you have to lie? I don't get this whole idea of tiptoeing around selfish relatives they deserve to be told off.

I’d leave a few things in small amounts and lock the rest away definitely

I think I would leave plenty of washing up liquid but no dishwasher tabs. And then take great satisfaction in the thought that they are washing up by hand for the whole break as they are too tight to buy new tablets.

it’s a weird set up as you all own the house. It’s a bit odd hiding sundries from essentially household members, but do whatever works for you. It might make more sense for everyone to buy their own stuff to use at the house.

Not really strange at all, lots of share houses around with people renting together and having a shelf or cupboard each for their food and not appreciating it being stolen.

I wouldn’t be that discreet I’m afraid. I’d buy a large transparent storage box and drill holes in the lid and box at either end so you can padlock it. I’d then fill it with all of the non-perishables and cleaning bits and leave it in a place where it’s bound to be sewn. I would the ££ a bit annoying, but it’d really annoy me if they’re always using the last of things or intentionally leaving only 2 teabags etc. Then when they ask about it (and in my experience CF always do) i would tell them know exactly why. I appreciate that having 2 growing sons may eat or drink more than them, but they’re hardly sticking to the spirit of family! I don’t have kiddo’s but my btother does, I could not imagine buying a tiny milk (for example) as thats all I would use, leaving his family nothing.

The SIL/BIL won't pay though. They've already said they shouldn't have to because OP has more kids.

It's best OP just puts her stuff away. The others don't need to know it's hidden.

I think that’s completely different to OP’s set up though. Randoms renting together should absolutely lock their stuff away. But here you have family members who own the house together, you’d assume they have the normal family dynamic to not need to act like strangers renting.

Just because they're family it doesn't mean that OP has to stock up on groceries for everyone else.

Insist that everyone pays a fair amount to pay for these household items.
£30 per year, each.
Take your things home.

I definitely vote for taking / locking your stuff away.
But don’t just take all of it so there is clearly nothing at all left which they can then call you out on.

leave just whatever loo roll is left on the holder and a box with one or two dishwasher tabs left etc etc so it looks like you’ve simply ran down the supplies.
Much harder to challenge not being left enough when they easily shop themselves.