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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To lock up all our food etc when we leave

879 replies

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:05

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

OP posts:
Dippythedino · 12/08/2025 10:48

You're being very unreasonable if you don't go low and report back to us. People like that need to be taught a lesson to make it even.

4forksache · 12/08/2025 10:50

I would leave plenty of normal stuff but make sure there are no loo rolls and none of something else particularly inconvenient, that means they have to go to the shops.

That way you can’t be accused of being petty, you just ran out of those particular things 🤷

It will make the point but you won’t look the bad guy. Do this each and every time until they they comment, then just say

“oops sorry. Shall we make an agreement to always make due there is the basic stuff left for the next person”

Then if it still happens you are quite right to say “you never leave stuff for us so why should we with you?”

chattychatchatty · 12/08/2025 10:59

I wouldn’t want to upset your DH who sounds like a very nice man and can imagine he’d be bothered to think you’re inconveniencing them - so as has been said, I’d pack up things like: all the loo roll, the DW tablets, laundry stuff and maybe leave nearly empty salt/pepper/sugar and cooking oil, so she won’t be absolutely sure you’re being petty. Take it all home in a bag and bring it with you next time. Don’t get them milk! I’d have stopped doing that for them once they’d not reciprocated a few times. It all adds up and it’s the thoughtlessness as much as anything that bothers me. Your DH should support you in sending them a message, I’d have thought.

sashh · 12/08/2025 11:01

AppleSlag · 11/08/2025 18:25

Thirded! I’d leave two tea bags and one toilet roll.

I'm ebil. I would leave one tea bag and one 'herbal infusion'. I'd take the lightbulb out of the bathroom and leave a 'spare' in the cupboard but with the wrong fitting, so if it is a bayonet I'd leave an Edison screw.

Washing up liquid would be diluted.

The milk would be sterilised.

I'm sure I could dream up more.

Sweatybettyinthisheat · 12/08/2025 11:03

Our family have a rule that you leave it as you found it, i.e. replace it if you use it.

You could go scorched earth and leave a loo roll with 2 squares, 1 dishwasher tab etc. Chances are they will replace the items they use but take it all home with them when they leave too! So nobody wins.

Your DH and his cheapskate sis need to talk. Maybe set up a joint kitty, or each use your own stuff only if it's really getting your goat.

JazzHandsYeah · 12/08/2025 11:06

Also #TeamPetty!
Please come back and update us next time the cheeky feckers are there and realise they have to buy their own tea bags!

CraftyYankee · 12/08/2025 11:09

If you have room in the car I wouldn't bother with leaving a suitcase, just tote it home and then bring it back. That way you don't have to worry about SIL breaking the lock and also you can see if you need anything before you go back. Get a cool bag and bring eggs and milk with you so you have it on hand when you arrive.

Sdpbody · 12/08/2025 11:12

This thread is the exact reason MNHQ needs to bring back the laughing emoji.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 12/08/2025 11:15

@ChangerMonNom I wouldnt leave even a single tea leaf in the cottage!! seriously consider just throwing it in a box, taking it home and just bringing it back the next time you come!! not a sheet of toilet roll either!!

MounjaroMounjaro · 12/08/2025 11:16

You know that if they turn up and there's nothing there, they will buy what they need and take it home with them, don't you? You have to treat them as they treat you.

samthepigeon · 12/08/2025 11:20

OrangeAxolotyl · 12/08/2025 10:26

Why? Why lie like this?
It's one thing not to be generous with what's left, but being passive aggressive and duplicitous isn't the way forward.
Just leave a small amount of items so that they have enough, and not providing more. That's fine.

You are probably right about the passive aggressive part in the suggested second part. I thought the first part was true though? I feel the three teabag thing is definitely passive aggressive though!

Canijustsayonething · 12/08/2025 11:29

MounjaroMounjaro · 12/08/2025 10:28

This is a thread that I never want to end.

me neither 😂Please come back and update with any reaction OP @ChangerMonNom

Moonlightbean123 · 12/08/2025 11:32

SunsetCocktails · 11/08/2025 18:09

Hmmmm ….. that’s a level of pettiness I think I can get behind 😆

😆😆😆 same

OrangeAxolotyl · 12/08/2025 11:34

samthepigeon · 12/08/2025 11:20

You are probably right about the passive aggressive part in the suggested second part. I thought the first part was true though? I feel the three teabag thing is definitely passive aggressive though!

Oh you're right, dropping hints wouldn't work, it never does with people like that!
I'd just leave the minimum, that may also be pa, but I just wouldn't send them a friendly Whatsapp! 😁

NellitheNelephant · 12/08/2025 11:35

Izzy24 · 11/08/2025 18:12

Yes this. Means they can’t all your stuff and also can’t complain that there was nothing left.

This is the best idea. Because it is good to leave something for the next guests (which is what they should do when they leave). I don't think you should drop your standard of behaviour because they have. And also you won't feel as petty as some on here are urging you to be.

70Cats · 12/08/2025 11:37

Please take everything home. The message should be a strong one. Please let us know what she says. We all love a CF.

PurpleThistle7 · 12/08/2025 11:39

I’d just pack an Ikea bag up when you leave and bring it home. Then bring it back with you. I can’t stand this kind of nonsense

Pjbag · 12/08/2025 11:39

I'd l stop leaving the fresh stuff and take thing like DW tabs with me in the quantity I know I'd use, and I'd take home anything open I can use at home. Just like I would if I was renting a holiday cottage. If there was leftover usable milk or other things that might spill on the journey, or thongs I can't take home for other reasons, I'd leave them.

ApolloandDaphne · 12/08/2025 11:39

It too would lead a scant amount and if they query it just say that as these things were almost finished anyway, you thought they would be able to replenish the stuff with bits of their own preference. This would make you seem entirely reasonable.

Sunburstclocklover · 12/08/2025 11:49

Pjbag · 12/08/2025 11:39

I'd l stop leaving the fresh stuff and take thing like DW tabs with me in the quantity I know I'd use, and I'd take home anything open I can use at home. Just like I would if I was renting a holiday cottage. If there was leftover usable milk or other things that might spill on the journey, or thongs I can't take home for other reasons, I'd leave them.

Yeah this! I once ruined a great backpack bring home oil from a holiday cottage. They asked you to remove everything so I did but should have chucked it!

Mothership4two · 12/08/2025 12:03

For someone as petty as that I would definitely lock my stuff up and/or take it home.

BreatheAndFocus · 12/08/2025 12:04

Leave essentials — especially cleaning stuff because you want everything clean when you go back. I’d probably leave a pint of milk, a few tea bags, cheap coffee too so they can have a drink, but I’d lock the rest away. It sounds like it will do them good to have to do a bit of their own shopping.

Cattenberg · 12/08/2025 12:05

Take the following with you:

All forks except for one
The corkscrew
Any paring knives that might serve as a corkscrew
All mugs
One lightbulb, possibly from the bathroom

Leave them teabags and a bottle of wine with a cork

OrangeAxolotyl · 12/08/2025 12:05

Pjbag · 12/08/2025 11:39

I'd l stop leaving the fresh stuff and take thing like DW tabs with me in the quantity I know I'd use, and I'd take home anything open I can use at home. Just like I would if I was renting a holiday cottage. If there was leftover usable milk or other things that might spill on the journey, or thongs I can't take home for other reasons, I'd leave them.

Yes, I'd definitely leave thongs for them 😉

nomas · 12/08/2025 12:06

Definitely lock up the food.

And save up to buy them out of their 30%. And if they refuse, sell the property and buy your own.