To lock up all our food etc when we leave

[ChangerMonNom]

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

But OP is contributing towards it financially so she has a say.

I'm in the 'go low' camp. Do it, and report back to us.

I would lock up everything, I dont care how petty or mean it seems. I think they are taking you for mugs always leaving stuff behind for them but they never do the same. Id treat them like they treat you.
Id lock it all in the suitcase and put a extra lock on it.

I would leave a single toilet roll, couple dishwasher tabs and washing pods plus any left over bits.

However I would have a locked suitcase with toilet rolls, toiletries, washing pods and dishwasher tabs in a case so you never are left without when you arrive.

I would def leave the minimum.
One loo roll
2 dishwasher tablets
2 teabags and a small amount of coffee.
Then they have to go and buy more. Even if they leave nothing for you next time you haven't subsidised their holiday.
We used to share a holiday home - it was actually PIL's but we used it along with BIL and his family and we both put money in to doing it up so we could continue using it if that makes sense.
There was always toilet roll, toiletries, dry goods etc there when we arrived. We also did a big shop as they couldn't leave fresh food and our tastes were different to theirs - but if we had leftover pasta or whatever we'd leave it and then there would be pasta when we arrived next summer.

Surely a kitty is the way forward here. You, as a family of 4, would obviously put in more than say just a couple. So if you put in £40 for a family of 4 your SIL would put in £20 as a couple. seems a fair way of dividing costs.

But with three bags they would have chance to re-make one brew, and have it black, whilst reflecting on their lives

Agree with PPs- just leave minimal amounts.

No need for it to become a family argument- you can legitimately say that you kept arriving to nothing in the cupboards, so just brought what you needed for this visit.

Your other issue is with your DH excusing his sister’s CFery. I’m willing to bet that it’s you@ChangerMonNom doing all the checking of of supplies/ packing up/ shopping, so it’s no skin off his nose when SIL uses everything or takes things back home. He has realised that her moaning will become his problem though, hence using the ‘petty’ argument to ensure you keep doing the unseen wifework for his family .

Your "minimum" is way more generous than most of us, I think you must be a genuinely kind and lovely person @Grammarnut but less than half of this would be fine.

Agree with this. The perfect balance between ensuring they have to replenish things, but not being unreasonable. I love @OtterlyMad comment, "YANBU. They would have to be very bold to complain, but if they do, you can say “it’s just the two of you, you hardly need anything”." That's brilliant!

OP - you will have to come back and tell us if anything was said! I am invested in this now :)

@nmsi this will shock you but yeah we buy all the cleaning stuff too . Even worse, we tend to have a cleaner come in weekly while we are there, but they do their own clean which is unsurprisingly not at all thorough (quick hoover, wipe of surfaces - no dusting) so they benefit from that, too.

I think you should have a kitty for household stuff eg dishwasher tablets, loo roll etc. and then everyone just brings their own food.

Oh lord its exactly like for like in our situation. What's even worse is the BIL and SIL bring crap furniture, delph etc and leave it in the house - its so not needed ( I ended up bringing it to the charity shop sometimes or even worse the bin ) where me and my husband pay for the cleaner sort sheets out, get carpets cleaned every year aswell as windows, plus get landed with all DIY

It is annoying, for sure.
Some people are like this.

Dropping hints (in the form of 3 tea bags) doesn't necessarily work.

Do you have a group WhatsApp? Could you say something along the lines of 'We arrived really late and there was no loo roll. Wonder if it would be a good idea if we all agree to leave (and then list what you want to be left) ready for the next person? Please feel free to add to the list if we have missed anything off.'
Or perhaps another way could be to send a message as you know they are en route to the place, 'Eek, have just realised we have packed all the x, y, z! Sorry! You'll need to pick some up on the way. (Think the house is low on a, b, c too, if you are out shopping.)'
1

I don't think it is petty at all - it is massively inefficient and unfair for you to be the only ones replacing things. Money aside - one of the joys of having your own holiday place is knowing what is going to be there already.

I would be inclined to do this...(if it is realistic to do the swap in less than 10 mins). Don't hide what is already there - view that as 'theirs' now (even if you bought it all!). If there is room just leave it where it is, but stop using it. If not put it away and then get it back out when you leave. Buy new stuff just for your family that they have never seen (put stickers on your new stuff if same brand) and hide that away in the lockable suitcase after you leave. When they arrive they can come back to exactly what was there when they left - right down to the number of toilet rolls.

If they don't leave milk/eggs for your arrival - knock that on the head too.

Is there childhood jealousy between SIL and OP's DH, I wonder?

Nevertheless, I am on #TeamPetty, or, rather, #TeamScorchedEarth!!😁

Why? Why lie like this?
It's one thing not to be generous with what's left, but being passive aggressive and duplicitous isn't the way forward.
Just leave a small amount of items so that they have enough, and not providing more. That's fine.

This is a thread that I never want to end.

Yep. Although this somehow seems pettier haha.

Definitely you are in the right! If you’ve paid for it and it’s an item that can be locked in a suitcase for a while, then go for it.
Things like salt and pepper in pots might be a bit much, but washing up liquid, loo rolls etc definitely.
if they don’t use much then they won’t notice 🤣

This is the better way. Give her a dose of do as you would be done by.

That is really unfair. They are being so cheeky.
I think you all need to have a discussion about this. They must contribute to the cost of the cleaning supplies and there needs to be a list of cleaning tasks to be done before leaving the property (whether people want to clean themselves or get a cleaner is irrelevant but all users of the property are responsible for deep cleaning, not just wiping down surfaces and half-heartedly running the hoover around).
Then you need a list of infrequent tasks such as cleaning windows, gardening, etc. Share these out between you and they need to be done. I'd imagine it would be hard to get them to do anything though, in which case I'd be insisting on them paying for a window cleaner etc.

Make sure you leave enough cleaning items and loo paper that can be used if someone is sick. Running out could back fire.

The more I read this the more I think you should just all agree that a tenner is paid per night per person into a kitty.
All use that to pay for essentials for cleaning, tea, coffee, spices and oils.
Never leave more than what is purchased by the kitty - unless you are donating fresh vegies, left over eggs etc.

You are so fortunate to have the holiday cottage. Well done for saving up and purchasing that as a family.

I wouldnt leave stuff for them but don't tell your dh or the rest of the family that you've done it deliberately. How much attention does he pay to how much olive oil or dishwasher tabs are left?

I wouldnt faff around with a lockabke suitacase, just take all the stuff you haven't used back with you and say "yeah we used up all the loo roll ourselves, were down to the last few sheets on the morning we left - squeaky bum time, literally, haha!" Or if they ask "didn't you leave any dishwasher tabs?" just say "not sure - we don't exactly count them, if there weren't any left we must have finished them."
Or the alternative, dh asks "sis says she couldn't find any laundry powder" say "yeah we only did one load so there was a full bag left so I just bought it back for us to use as we've nearly run out at home."

There can't be that much stuff that you need to always be remembering to take if you only go once or twice a year anyway. Just bring everything home with you and use it up yourselves rather than having special cottage only versions. Then when you go next time just bring your own stuff and then unless it is literally the dregs of some olive oil or whatever that would be more hassle to bring back, take it all home.

You already have to pack clothes, food, toys, etc new each time, adding some loo roll, laundry powder etc doesn't make a difference

Basically stop treating it as a shared resource that you all chip in for consumables as well as the place itself (because the others aren't doing the same) and just do as you would if you were renting it for a week privately.

Team petty here. Lock it all up, fuck her lol