Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

You are being extremely naive.
I knew a man who I would have trusted and said no way.
Thank God I never left him alone with my children as at 77 years old he got a 22 yr sentence for child grooming etc.
Look after your son and don’t be so trusting.
I hope your son is ok. Never leave him with this man again

It sounds like they are using your son for country lines drug dealing. Why on earth would a 10 year old be alone in a house with a lot of blokes fighting. They don’t want your son to say anything because they were up to something serious. Don’t subject your son to this again.

Do you think that your cousin’s boyfriend would leave one of his own daughters in a house in those circumstances?

Dont let your son be used and dragged into a life of crime

First the uncle forgets about your child and now you want to give your child the same message that whatever is going on inside him the fears and worries are not worth your attention and must be forgotten just like he was. What kind of self-image is he going to grow up with if no one cares to think about his experience of this all to make sure he is okay? All you are worrying about is whether you upset this uncle, made your husband mad or these random relatives opinions - what about your son? Who’s is going to worry about him?

Why wouldn't you give the police his name? He abandoned your son, in a strangers house where there was an incident so alarming a neighbour called the cops and your son felt he had to hide in a closet to be safe. THEN he apparently sent a stranger back for your son when he finally remembered he had a 10 year old with him when he obviously legged it and left him behind as he was only concerned about himself.

Why wouldn't you name him to the cops? He abandoned your child. You have no idea of where your child even was let alone what was happening in that house.

On top of that you're refusing to send your child to a counsellor for a couple of sessions. If he was so frightened he had to hide in a closet, he's going to be impacted and won't just forget about it like you want him to. You owe him the opportunity to process what he has just been through.

A grown man regularly taking an unrelated 10 year old out for the day is weird, very weird. I think a lot of people are struggling with why you are so blasé about that.

He left your 10 old in a house unsupervised with strangers. Not even nice friendly strangers (!!). The type who kick off and have police search their wardrobes. How is this not ringing a lot of alarm bells for you? Without even going into the fact that your cousin’s boyfriend with his own children takes your son out by himself, leaving his own daughters at home. If this isn’t a wind up, then I’m appalled the police just brought him home without seemingly seeking assurances from you of what the hell was going on. Social services should be right at your door tomorrow morning.

The owner of the house is bad enough that “uncle” had to leg it when the police turned up but thought it was ok to leave a little boy with this bad man ?

I’m hoping that this isn’t true because it’s just so strange and unfair on ds that his mum lets his druggie? Violent? Uncle have him without her there.

“I know he would never ever harm my child”.

He left your child terrified and hiding in a wardrobe in a stranger’s house FFS. If that’s not harm I don’t know what is. Poor boy growing up in this absolute shitshow.

Not exaggerating at all! You trusted someone who your son had built up a relationship with and sounds like had given you no reason not to trust him prior.

Usually it's pretty bad for neighbors to call the police and for them to come and search. All very dodgy why he would take him there in the first place and the fact he was more worried about his name being dropped... he doesn't sound innocent in whatever this is.

Why wouldn't you give the police his name?

The son would have most definitely have been asked how did he come to be in the house - and he would have said he went with his uncle - and they would have asked his name. So cousins BF is already known to the police.

Why was you DC upstairs, in a bedroom?

On a Sunday?

I am not sure that mum's cousin's boyfriend is an essential relationship. You need to cut him out of your life. If your cousin's primary concern is whether her boyfriend is going to be in trouble, you need to bin her too.

You have no right to keep this from your DH. If he finds out that you haven’t been honest with him, he’ll never trust you.
The BF sounds dodgy. I would be sitting him down,with your DH and cousin, and ask him to clarify exactly what happened. If it turns out he took your child to some kind of drug den, he deserves whatever DH dishes out to him.
If he can’t explain, you can assume the worst. Of course don’t let DS near him again,but it’s important to find out what actually happened.

@iamstillfuming OP, I’m not saying that this did or didn’t happen, or might or might not have happened but please accept and acknowledge that it is possible.

Bad things can and all too often do happen by adults who are trusted members of families - both family members and family friends.

Do not ever allow this man, or your cousin, to be trusted with your child again. This is not an over reaction. You would be seriously irresponsible to trust either of them with your child again. Judgey family members be damned.

Social services will be at your door tomorrow. Refusing to give his name makes it look like you're involved (and involving your child) in whatever criminal activity is clearly going on.

If this is for real, it's as clear as day that the cousin's BF has used the child as a cover for nefarious activities.

You sound really naive op. Your son should not be with this man.

This whole thread has been so saddening . The fact that she has a mistrust of social services and the police, and she won't give the man's name to the police because she "wouldn't do that to him" tells us all we need to know.

With such a feckless mother, let's hope the dad steps up before the boy's involved in county lines or worse. Poor little lad.

So the cops dropped off your child, after finding him in a random's house hiding in a wardrobe, terrified due to a domestic disturbance heard by the neighbours, his guardian having fled the scene... and you said "no worries thanks bye" to the cops??? And now you won't even ask your 10yo what happened, so that he "just forgets about it"?
What the actual fuck is wrong with you.

Hopefully this is all made up. There definitely seems to be some "exaggerating" happening here.

Can you call your cousin or her bf and ask what exactly was going on in that house and why he took your son there?

Do not talk about your disappointment or entertain their apologies. Just say you want to know the truth. Once you talk to them, hope you can get a bit more clarity depending on if you find their answers satisfactory. Even if he refuses to tell you or give a BS excuse then you know you need to find out from Police. Can you do some research to see if there is a call log and ask for details. Once you speak to your cousin and her bf, you don’t speak to them again.

At least you can find some information for your own mental peace and to know that nothing further concerning happened to your son.

OP, you say you're sure that the boyfriend hasn't done anything bad to your son. But before this situation happened if someone suggested he would take him to a house where violence kicked off and he would 'forget' him and not even bother to go back himself and get him, you wpuld have thought that was impossible too right?

This post is so strange.
No disrespect to the OP but the first thing I’d be doing was finding out the full details of why he was there.
she’s had it out with the cousins boyfriend on the phone yet still not asked why her son was hiding in a wardrobe in a random bedroom?

id be demanding answers from the police and sending my husband straight round there.

i get she doesn’t want to upset her son but there’s ways n means of asking him questions without upsetting him.

I find this post so odd n how defensive the OP is when everyone’s trying to offer really good advice..

Also the fact you wouldn’t give the police his name? Surely a domestic incident involving a minor is a safeguarding issue and they’ll look into it anyway?

I really don’t get it and can’t understand how the police just dropped him off without telling you full details when they’d just found him hiding and upset in a wardrobe.

Why are you talking about motto? To make op feel bad. She said she would never let her son with another person again like this.

She does not need to know how perfect other parents are.
Maybe she comes from a culture like mine where there is a lot of trust within families. And it would be normal for an uncle to take nephew out. You can call it naivety but some of us are influenced by our family / community culture. Of course bad relatives exist. Op learnt her lesson today.

Op said goodnight. Let op sleep over it tonight and take a call tomorrow about what to do the next. Repeating over and over same things said by other posters is not going to change anything.

OP - when you say ‘He might not be perfect but I know he would never ever harm my child in any way.’

He has harmed him!! He left him in a house where an active disturbance was happening and your son was so scared he hid in a wardrobe and had to be brought home by Police Officers. He has harmed him!

If your son is the lovely, quiet boy you say he is, this will really stay with him. Hiding in a wardrobe in a strangers house where Police found him. Jesus, that’s not normal.

I would blow my top, but I also wouldn’t let my child out for the day with a cousins boyfriend. Why can’t he take his own kids on his jaunts? Why’s he borrowing yours? This screams county lines.

I would be asking your son the following….

Why didn’t he walk out the door?
Has he visited the house before?
What usually happens when uncle John takes you out?
Did you recognise any of the people in the house?

And perhaps the most staggering thing of all is that you haven’t given the Police his name. You’re protecting this creep!!

Insane.

Given all of the above, I think social services will be calling.

I never said she was naive, she in fact said that she completely trusts he would never do anything to hurt him despite the evidence to the contrary. She also said he’d deffo not groom or abuse him, and that her son would tell her. So I actually think it’s fair enough to be saying actually you should rethink last blind trust, if someone is showing an unusual interest in your kid, I’d assume the worst just to be safe. And I think him taking him out just the two of them when he has his own kids is an unusual interest.