Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

You also wouldn't think he'd forgotten your son in a stranger's home where there is a domestic going on but it did happen! Your cousin's reaction is very telling that there might be something going on and frankly the "I would come and get him a new bike" sounds a bit like grooming. All very terrible lessons for your son. Please don't let any of these people alone with your son again.

I say this as gently as I can but you are in denial about the seriousness of this. It’s not acceptable to protect this man from the police. You are putting him before your son.

Anything might have happened to your boy and you are doing nothing to make sure he’s ok. Mother to mother, it’s not acceptable. You need to dig deeper and find out what happened and if anything similar has happened in the past. It’s your duty as a parent.

You don't seem to get it. Something DID happen to him.

Instead of worrying about your son and what he has been through, you are worrying about SS.

This has to be a wind-up, surely?
You feel guilty?
Your cousin's boyfriend has taken your boy out to a random house, where an argument took place loud enough for neighbours to call the police.

It wasn't a trip to the park, was it?
And you have no idea which house or what for, just that you aren't dobbing in your cousin's road man bf.

Sounds like a druggy house to me and an argument over money.
If this is real.

And the police HAVE to call Social Services if there's DV so finding a cowering boy in a wardrobe will be a referral.
Good luck with that.

@StrictlySequinsandStiIettos i’m beginning to wonder if it’s a wind-up.?

When you lay it all out like that it's almost unbelievable isn't it 🤔

It's written very much in the "unreliable narrator" style.

I have already told my son that he would not being seeing them again, he asked why, I told him the truth, he said that he wouldn't do that to him and genuinely believes that he sent the police to come and get him and take him home.

I was worried about Social Services classing this as neglect, and if they do visit me I will not hide from them.

There wasn't any promise of buying him a bike, he could have never promised or told my son that he would by him a bike because he already has one. He wants to buy him something to make up for what happened and I guess a bike was the first thing that come to his mind.

I'm going now, goodnight.

Well it IS neglectful because you are not trying to get to the bottom of what has gone on.

How does your DS feel tonight? How did he react when you told him he won't be seeing "uncle" again? Is he happy or upset by this news?

Is he scared to go to bed in case the men from that house try to come to harm him?

Do you think he's scared to tell you some details in case he gets in trouble for something he was made to be involved in?

Surely he knows what caused the altercation to begin. Its rare that a fight kicks off and literally goes from 0-100 with no idea how it started. It starts smaller and then escalates into something bigger - usually disagreement, raised voices then becomes physical. Surely he heard what it started as? Or have you just not spoken to him at all about it and are you both pretending it didn't happen?

Keep you son away from cousin and cousin’s boyfriend - it all sounds far too risky and dangerous plus the police had to return your son!!
Jeez keep your son safe and don’t feel pressurised to allow them access to your son.

There is obviously something dodgy that the fella is up to. You don’t get into an altercation at a house and flee leaving a child behind for no reason, plus the police wouldn’t look around the house without cause. He’s been taking your son to random dodgy places as a minimum, god knows what he’s been exposed to.

But why would you refuse to give the police the cousins boyfriends name?
This doesn't make sense.
If you are so sure he is innocent then it wouldn't matter.
Begining to also think

1. This is a wind up
2. If not, you are afraid of cousins boyfriend and if you do give his name to the police what the repercussions would be

I just do not see how any reasonable person with nothing to fear would lie to the police.

Edited for missing word

County lines was my immediate thought too! Particularly the buying of a bike…

I’m sorry that this has happened with someone you clearly trusted, it must be a big shock.

I do agree that the whole situation sounds very questionable at best. You clearly want the best for your son, but it’s important you consider what could be going on and he could have been exposed to by spending time with your cousins boyfriend. Sounds like at best he has dodgy associates/friends but in reality could be involved in criminal activities that your son has witnessed. Contact the police and find out what they can tell you.

Only ‘beginning’ @Silverbirchleaf?

So you now have let him believe the BF was a good guy, by sending the police to rescue him. But you know that is not what happened. And if he is so innocent why didn't you give the police his details ?

I don’t want to pile on but my motto in life is never let my kids spend time alone with any man. Not even my brothers. I don’t think letting my kid spend time alone with a male relative or friend is worth the risk.

I know people will think that’s OTT and not all men etc etc. but if my kid was going to be abused it’s most likely that it will be a man they know

At the very least OP has said all along in this thread that her son won't be seeing them again.

Many people are speculating based on what you have said here. I am surprised you aren’t. No one can be that stupid surely?

County lines was my first thought to be honest. It’s all very well OP saying they’ve known the boyfriend for years, but if her cousin’s first concern is whether the child mentioned her boyfriends’ name to the police, something very dodgy is going on.

I’d be very very concerned about what he has been doing around and in front of your son. It is really really worrying and social services should be involved.

He also has definitely not ‘forgotten’ your son, he clearly heard the police coming and decided to leg it before the police arrive, to save his own back, without giving a shiny shit about the safety of your son. You clearly know he’s up to something criminal otherwise you would have been happy to answer the police’s questions when they asked about your cousins boyfriend, but as you wouldn’t give any of his details or even his name it shows you’re complicit in whatever has happened.
I would be very shocked if social services aren’t extremely worried about this whole situation.

Genuine question. If your cousins kids don't go to yours because there's not much to do because you have a son, why would your son go to theirs regularly as applying that logic, there would not be much in the way for him to do there on account of the 3 girls? I think it is this point which is making the posters suspicious of boyfriends interest?
Also you say you wouldn't give the boyfriends name to the police because you wouldn't do it to him but this is the same man who (1) took your son to a strange place (2) got into an altercation there (3) scampered from the scene of the altercation and left your son behind in a strangers home (4) the altercation was loud and scarey enough that it caused your son to hide in a wardrobe for safety (5) the house or it's occupants were sufficiently odd that the police went searching in the house and found your son and (6) you haven't asked the police for details to be able to have a conversation with your husband about the situation and being able to (a) control his reaction or (b) give him sufficient ammunition to take the boyfriend and potentially your cousin to task.
I believe you want to take your child's safety as no 1 priority but if I were you, I would be all over the top of this with the police and have no issues whatsoever with giving the police the boyfriends details because while you may not want to get mixed up with whatever altercation went on, he has committed an offence of both child endangerment and child abandonment to your son that could also land social services at your door as a safeguarding issue if the police believe your son is at risk from the boyfriend (and for what it is worth, I think boyfriend is mixed up in drugs and your son could already be caught up in drug running and not even know what he is involved in himself eg can you just drop this package off at no 79 on your way home, there's a good lad)

So in spite of the fact that he left your poor 10 year old son, terrified and hiding in a wardrobe, you still wouldn't give his name to the police? Are you mad OP, or just as wary of the police as he obviously is. Any DECENT parent, finding out that that had happened to their child, whilst in the care of someone they thought they could trust, would have immediately given his name to the police, and it wouldn't even cross their mind not to. So you obviously KNOW that he has history with the police, and were protecting him! I really do hope the police involve SS, as your DS clearly isn't safe with any of you.