Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

He is not ND

His sensory issues, does cause him to have needs that other child without it don’t

I am keeping my son away from both my cousin and his boyfriend.

What do I do next?

No you did not say from the beginning that ' and has other sensory needs ' you only ever mentioned ' he is very sensitive to noise '

What else have you not mentioned...

You've been advised now by hundreds of people. I don't think we are all going to repeat ourselves.
Read the thred.

Go to the Police and tell them the name of the criminal your ND/not ND/special needs/not special needs/vulnerable/not vulnerable son was with.

Go to Children’s Services and beg them to help you distance yourselves from this family criminal and try to mend your son.

We have been telling you what to do next for 33 pages - put your detective hat on and find out what’s been going on!

Whose house was it? What other people were there? Why did cousin go there, and why did he take your son with him?

Has he been training him up to join the “family business”? Or has he been using him already, perhaps to carry drugs?

What caused the fight that led to the police turning up? Was it a drug deal gone wrong? Was violence involved? What really led to your little boy being so terrified he ran and found a wardrobe to hide in and didn’t come out until the police found him hours later?

Why did cousin run when the police came? What had he done?

And how many times has this kind of thing happened before in your ten year old son’s presence???

Only when you really understand what happened can you set about properly helping, and being there for your son, And please don’t start up with how well you know your boy and how he already would have told you - your whole family operates on a policy of silence and snitching is forbidden, so it is highly likely he doesn’t feel he can talk.

Good luck OP. I hope that all this has taken the blinkers off your eyes and that good may come from it.

Demand answers from the cousins boyfriend?
Find out what’s been going on?
Allow your son to open up without dismissing him?
Voice your concerns to the police and find out every last detail of the last situation.

I hope you read the thread back and realise everyone was concerned, not only about your son but about you aswell and take some of the advice given on board.

I was surprised your husband / the father of your son took all this so reasonably

but then

he already knew how cousin's boyfriend makes his money...

That's if you really did tell your husband...

I am going to text my cousin.

I did tell my husband, he does not fear anyone.

Like me, he said that he doesn’t want any of them near our child again.

Since you have been <cough> economical with the truth, I would imagine you know considerably more than you have admitted to. You were fine with your son hanging out with the cousin's partner even though you knew about his criminal activities. I'm sure that there is much more going on in your family that you aren't willing to reveal. No wonder you refused to even tell the police the name of the criminal who was responsible for your 10-year-old child.

What should you do? Go to the police and tell them everything you know. Ask for a referral to Social Services. Keep your son away from any criminal element in your family/friendship circle. And start telling the truth, not just on MN but IRL.

Please get in touch with the police also, and say you are now willing to be more cooperative. They will be able to tell you more about what was going on at the house.

You will get better help and more understanding if you post something of your cultural background. Whether it's ethnicity, religion, or economic - there will be people here of the same background as you, who will be able to give you the most culturally appropriate advice.

To be honest with you, I just want to forget about it.

My son has told me what happened, he hasn’t been harmed by anyone, I am grateful that he was brought home to me safe. He is fine he hasn’t mentioned it again and there hasn’t been any changes in his behaviour.

I will not be contacting the police, my cousin texted back she said that her boyfriend is not happy with the way I spoke to him and said I need to learn some manners and respect, so basically she is siding with him.

I am so glad I cut her off and other friends or family members that speak on the situation will also be cut off.

I am not going to contact the police why would I? And why on earth would I ask for a self referral to social services?

The police haven’t been back in touch and neither have social services been in contact and to be honest with you, I don’t think they will.

Well no-one can make you, but you did ask what we thought you should do.

It seems you are set on forgetting about it and moving on so I will respect that. Please do though reread through previous posts (mine and other peoples) and just give some consideration to all we have said about how knowing more about what happened may enable you to help your son better.

At least both you and your husband are determined to cut yourselves off from this branch of the family. I hope that lasts. If necessary would you consider the three of you moving away and getting a fresh start in a new place? I am concerned that as your son gets older he will be dragged into this way of life - especially as he has been exposed to it so young by his cool ‘uncle’.

Why should you contact the police? It has been explained to you over and over. Any responsible person would cooperate with the police if they knew of criminal activity, especially if their child was a witness to violence. You know your cousin's partner is a criminal (though you denied knowing that throughout most of the thread). Why would you protect him at the expense of your son?

Social Services can help because you have a distorted perception about how to care for your child responsibly. They aren't child-snatching bogeymen. They can offer help and support to you. I would also look into counselling for your son. He must have been terrified by his experience and it would be good for him to speak to a trained professional.

I’d text your cousin back.

She’s awful.
Tell her you want answers as to why your son was there or you’ll be taking it further.

Hes obviously scared of being caught from something he’s been doing, if you and your husband have no fears around him demand answers.

But I also realise this maybe easy for me to say when in real life you don’t want to be put into a hostile situation.

Youve done the right thing cutting them off, block them if possible.
Never let either of them near your son again and as a previous poster suggested maybe look into the possibility of moving if at all possible.

Keep an eyes out on your son and look for signs of trauma PTSD. Arm yourself up with information about trauma, ptsd.

I don’t agree with just moving past it, and I truly hope your son will be ok with your choices but I get it and it’s your decision at the end of the day.

Yeah, but he probably didn't have his iPad inside the wardrobe. Is that what you were getting at?

I don't even know why I'm responding - I'm not even sure any of this happened 😄

I'm just going to leave this here.

I think OP has bet someone that she can keep this thread going for 40 pages. Or someone's bet her that she can't.

I previously suggested you get counselling for your son. I still think you should. You don't know what criminal activity he has been exposed to, which might now be normalised to him. That's one way children get into crime - through exposure, possibly emulating someone they admire, or by the behaviour being normalised to the extent they don't necessarily think it's wrong.

You say you know your son but the reality is you haven't a clue what went on in that house for an argument loud enough to warrant a call to the police to break out. If criminal activity was taking place, weapons might have been present.

I know your son has sensory issues. Please don't let this cloud your judgment. I'm sure he's a good boy but he's been influenced by a criminal who possibly has carried out criminal activity in front of him. Your cousin's boyfriend breached his trust, as someone he viewed as a family member. However, he might be too young to process that. What he might be processing is that his 'uncle' was fun to be around, spent money on him, brought him to fun places, had loads of 'mates' and cash and he wants to be that popular and rich when he's older. His 'uncle' probably told him not to tell you all the facts of their trips out as you'd stop them from seeing each other, and no more trips or fun together. That's exactly what's happened. You are right to stop seeing them and to stop the boyfriend from seeing your son but imagine your son's confusion and upset now. He needs expert help to him process all of it, imo.

🙄

Sounds about right