Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

Thought you said your child doesn’t have additional needs OP?

You do prefer the word grooming then do you

as my last reply was the very first time I used the words ' training ' and ' teaching '
whereas grooming has been used in replies by several people since the very beginning of this thread...

Honestly OP what is wrong with you?

You just admitted he’s a criminal and now we’re being silly?

Hundreds of people on here are giving you advice and your constantly either defending the boyfriend or backtracking in what you say!

I feel so sorry sorry for your son!!
Youve obviously normalised all this towards him so he doesn’t even think what your uncle is doing is wrong!
He gave you a quick ‘I’m ok’ and u moved on not even trying to explore his feelings - because you don’t want it coming out.

Why can I ask does your cousins boyfriend also have this thing about taking your son out and only your son? Where are his girls when he takes your son on these secret trips to randoms houses?

What does your husband think of your son being involved in these activities?

To not want to know why your son was in a strangers bedroom wardrobe while everyone was fighting outside is not normal, but you know why he was there - you’ve known it all along.

Your poor child.

I work in criminal justice. Some of the people on 24 Hours In Police Custody have been through my prison. She's not being silly at all, she's being realistic. How do you think these young lads caught up in crime get started? Many of them are from perfectly normal backgrounds, with parents who are left standing in the wreckage of their families, asking themselves where they went wrong.

As a God fearing law abiding woman, I assume you want your son to grow up to be a good man, that you teach him right from wrong, and that like most mothers, you want him to grow up to make something of himself, be a respectable person? If so, I think its important to understand that you are not his only role model and influence. If he looks up to your cousins partner, there's a risk he could want to live his way, not yours. Plenty of money lying around, plenty of time to go where he pleases in the daytime, sounds tempting.
I think if you do only one thing it should be to stick to your planiof keeping your son away from him. And any of the other men in your community who do 'this and that' and make lots of money from it.

He could never look up to my cousins boyfriend, my son is an only child he doesn’t want for nothing.

There isn’t anything that he doesn’t have already, we’ve always bought him whatever he wants.

There are no secret trips or random houses.

Why couldn't he look up to his uncle who takes him places and gives him a fun time? I'd imagine he likes the man a lot or he'd not want to be out with him. At that age children do tend to look up to adults they like.

Eh?
Wasn’t the whole thread made because he was found in a bedroom wardrobe of a random house?

I’m sure that’s why we’ve all been posting concerned messages for the past 32 pages but ok there now is no random house 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes my cousins boyfriend is a criminal, but there’s never been a reason for me not to trust him

Wow. 😂

No it’s not like that, you don’t understand.
He was just taking my child out with him e.g to get food and to friends and families houses, we have alot of mutuals so I generally thought nothing off it, maybe I have been naive.

If he hadn't been in involved in a violent argument where the police were called, if he hadn't run away leaving your son hiding in a wardrobe, if he hadn't felt the need to send someone else back to check on your son rather than getting him himself, if your cousin hadn't been so concerned to know that you didn't give the police his name, then yes perhaps we'd all be prepared to give this 'uncle' the benefit of the doubt. As it is, it's been quite clear from the beginning to everyone but you that he's involved in something dodgy. Probably drugs, stolen goods, money laundering, take your pick.

If my son went over to my cousins house and her boyfriend was going out, he’d sometimes take my son with him

That's weird. Can you not even see how that is weird? Your naivety is absolutely astounding.

He could never look up to my cousins boyfriend, my son is an only child he doesn’t want for nothing.

This isnt true and you know it. Buying things and being present as parents doesnt dtop other people influencing your child.
He could 💯 look up to a cool younger male who he spends large amounts of unsupervised time with....

You need to have a bit of cop on.
The boyfriends a criminal (you know it, we know it) and you are sending your soon to be teenage son off out gallivanting with him. In 2 years your son will be doing what he likes (and will see this guy as much as he likes and your son will get dragged into crime) so you need to get on top of this now unless you arent bothered by it.

What is it that hoax posters get out of making up threads? Attention? What’s the point of them repeatedly returning when they reject any advice or support offered & double down on statements they’ve made etc? Boredom? A sad kick from winding others up? V weird behaviour. I guess we should stop giving them oxygen. So on that note 👋!

I have known a child who wanted for nothing. Middle class family living in a 6 bedroom detached Victorian house in a city. The child still acted out, her behaviour at times was far below what would be expected at her age because she was crying out for attention. Her parents were always working and she quickly realised that the only time her parents really paid any attention however brief was when her behaviour negatively affected those around her. Money helps there is no denying that but what children want most is quality time with their parents not how much money their parents can throw at them.

So your story has changed. He is a criminal and your son now has additional needs.

Surely having additional needs might make him more vulnerable and a target for the cousins boyfriend and his criminal friends.

If children don’t get the attention they are looking for at home they will try and find it in others like your cousins boyfriend.

Oh I understand perfectly. The problem is you don’t know where he was ‘going out’ to every time. If nothing dodgy was going on at that house he wouldn’t have run away. They weren’t there for milkshakes. You’ve been far too naive and not nearly curious enough. You’re protecting a criminal that didn’t think twice about abandoning your child to save himself. I hope he’s worth it because people like him won’t think twice about letting you take the blame. You keep saying he would never put your son at risk but that’s exactly what he did. What is your old man saying about this? Is he being a wet blanket too? Try and understand that Aunty has been around the block a few times. I’ve known a few crooks too. None of them though would be low enough to abandon a 10 year old child to save their own bacon. In fact I know exactly what they would do to a lowlife who behaved like that and it isn’t pretty.

You flat out denied the boyfriend was a criminal and now you admit you know he is.
You flat out denied your son had additional needs now you say he has.
You flat out denied he went to random houses but that's exactly where he was found.

Why would you have EVER allowed your additional needs son to hang out even for a moment with a criminal? There are NO nice criminals because there is ALWAYS a victim.

You’re not exaggerating - hope you’re all ok!

I told you from the beginning that my son has additional needs, he is very sensitive to noise and has other sensory needs, I would never class him as vulnerable because he is far from it.

Exactly. I bet before this incident you’d say the boyfriend’ would never’ do this. There is a lot more to this story. Keep you son away from these people.

@iamstillfuming You said your son had additional needs, do you as well? Or is it just cultural differencies that make it so hard to understand what everyone else is seeing so clear: Criminal "Uncle" has definately been either using or at minima involved your son for his criminal activities in some way. Him fleeing from a house where police got called, leaving your son behind is the only proof you need.

Unabletohelp · 12/08/2025 21:39
Forgive me if I’m wrong OP but is your child also ND or have any other difficulties?
iamstillfuming · 12/08/2025 21:40
No he isn’t or does he have any other difficulties.

You only said he was sensitive to noise.

He is vulnerable as he’s been getting taken out by this man assisting with activity’s you have normalised and you as his mother have turned a blind eye to it all.

I can’t get over how uninterested you are in finding out what happened to your son, it’s absolutely crazy.

Youve fully admitted now the boyfriend is a criminal - so yes your son is vulnerable.

This still raging?

Any more trips to Narnia for OP’s son?

Or are we still pretending that the cousin’s partner is whiter than Persil’s finest?

He’s also vulnerable by the very fact he’s a child. The OP is bonkers or on the jackanory staff…