Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

He's proved himself to be a danger to your child by not immediately removing him from a situation that was kicking off, but instead fleeing himself and leaving your little boy to hide. Can't you see that?

I think you also know full well that however he makes money is not legitimate, hence your reluctance to give his name to the police. Putting this childish "don't tell tales" loyalty to him above your own son is on you and makes it sound as if criminality is not a big issue in your world.

It sounds like this man has a significant standing in the OP’s community for being somebody others don’t mess with. This possibly fits with why she was absolutely adamant that no SA could be going on because he’s somebody that would probably dole out some form of retribution & “justice” were sex offenders ever to get involved with his own family. But he’s shown his true colours (& his family have) when it comes to saving himself over your son. If this is even a real thread.

Is there any chance you just answer one straight question? Read your own posts sweet cheeks. It’s all there. What I’m getting at is what is he exposing your son to that he wouldn’t want his own kids seeing in these houses he’s being taken to.

I suspect it’s because his own kids are girls. He is grooming OP’s son into the way of the man’s (criminal) world, which his girls are protected from.

With the OPs full knowledge and consent.

I think that’s the first honest thing you’ve said so far. So he is a criminal, Now we’re getting somewhere.

OP, everyone here really just wants to help you, but it’s been difficult when you’ve either ignored questions or not told the truth. Please just open up and let us help.

Yes, and only 31 pages later does she finally admit that she thinks he probably does get his money through crime. And she was happy to let her 10 year old be around him while he is conducting his ‘business’. Disgusting. Hopefully social services will be paying her a visit after this. If anyone deserved sleepless nights…

No, you don’t know if he was a danger to your child or not, you wernt there.
As much as you think you know somebody you aren’t to know what somebody is capable of.

Hes definitely been involving your son in some form of crime/activity which you really could do with getting to the bottom of.

I understand your probably in shock still yourself over what happened, losing trust in the boyfriend and your cousins reaction - it is a lot to get your head round.

But for peace of mind try to find out what’s happened, ring the boyfriend or cousin and ask for answers.
Are there any other family members who you could trust to ask this information if you don’t feel able?
Your husband maybe?

Honestly you need to do it for your son.

Can you please just stop being rude.

I already know what happened, I’ve told you all numerous of times.

I’m not a bad person, and I actually feel bad about the horrible and childish things I have previously said do some people here.

In my walking life I do not have any problems with people nor get into arguments.

Yes my cousins boyfriend is a criminal, but there’s never been a reason for me not to trust him and it’s really upsetting that people are telling me that he is probably using my son, when I know he would never ever do that to my child.

And he would never have taken him wherever if he knew there was going to be trouble, as he is completely aware of my sons additional needs.

You say we are rude and yet you would still rather protect those who do not deserve protection and get defensive when we question it. I have seen too many children over the years damaged because their parents have either wilfully or ignorantly caused harm. I truly hope your son is alright and that he doesn’t become another statistic.

I have just read your update and you have confirmed he is involved in criminal activity and yet you still think your son was safe. I truly hope social services visit as your son clearly needs protection.

Why so defensive?
People on here myself included are trying to emphasise with you and worry about your child!

You don’t know what happened to your child! You know he was found by police hiding in a strangers bedroom wardrobe!

Your poor little boy was obviously absolutely feared!

You said the police wouldn’t l/couldn’t tell you what happened.

Yes you know he was hiding in a wardrobe but you don’t know the facts about what happened or for what actually reason was he in a strangers bedroom/ Random house?

Ah there we go, you knew all along he was a criminal.

How could you let your son go out with a man who was up to dodgy shit?
Why did your husband allow that?

I wonder if he's ever asked your son to help him by carrying a bag or backpack, or by putting something in his pocket while they walk around to houses you have no idea your son is heading to that day?

That's all it takes for your son to be helping a drug dealer, just put something in his pocket so he is the one carrying the drugs.

I don't think you want to know exactly what your son has been mixed up in, or how long it's been going on.

I do think you are a risk to your own child if this is real.

None of that is rude. It’s factual. If you’d just listened to Aunty we could have got to the conclusion without 30 odd pages of denial. 😉

Oh great, so now he’s an honest criminal. Are you actually listening to yourself? You sound ridiculous. He’s a criminal but you never had any reason to worry? Oh. My. God.

I believe he wants to take my son to buy a bike tomorrow to make up for what has happened

Hush money. Smoothing things over and buttering him up.

He usually just takes him wherever he is going

That is a massive red flag right there.

No, he's not using him in any way. He'd never!

er...sorry but all the clues are pointing to the fact that he absolutely would use him in some way.

My son seems fine, he said that he was just scared. The police told me what they knew, and they didn't leave me with any details.

Well to be fair you didn't leave them with any details either.

What do you mean by “these” houses, when did I tell you they he has been round to numerous “dodgy” houses, there you go assuming again.

This is what she means:

I asked if if he's been taken to houses before and he said yes and most of the time he's seen them before and I know them.

'Most of the time' means that some of the time he doesn't know them. He's being dragged around as a cover, or some form of protection for this man, or because he is being used, groomed or trained up for something.

You are an absolute fool if you cannot even consider that that might be true.

And he would never have taken him wherever if he knew there was going to be trouble

You are incredibly naive OP, he is a criminal and he was involved in something criminal at this address (we know he was, that's why he ran from the police and left your son behind, he didn't 'FORGET' him, he made the decision to 'LEAVE' him so he could get away), so how you can sit there and STILL insist he would never have put him in harms way is quite frankly, stupid.

You are 100% complicit in this situation by letting him take your son around with him, knowing full well he is involved in criminal activities, you have no idea what your son has been exposed to in the time that this loser has been allowed to babysit him.

It has taken you until today at 18.53 pm
to agree your cousin's boyfriend is a criminal
and that your son has additional needs

We told you this days ago !

and you know fine well how he gets his money !

I know what my family members work as, I know what my neighbours work as.

^^
just like you know what this man does too.

It’s actually quite sickening isn’t it? So it now seems that she knew all along what her son was being exposed to.

You claim your son isn't being groomed, maybe reframe it then

has he been training or teaching your son his business...

No it’s not like that, you don’t understand.

He was just taking my child out with him e.g to get food and to friends and families houses, we have alot of mutuals so I generally thought nothing off it, maybe I have been naive.

And it was never ever baby sitting nor was it everyday or for all day. If my son went over to my cousins house and her boyfriend was going out, he’d sometimes take my son with him.

No he hasn’t, so please stop it training or teaching.

Let’s not be silly now. Seems like you’ve been watching too many documentaries and 24 hours in police custody.