Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

My cousin is a mother of three, she doesn’t go to work as one of the girls are still very small. Money has never been an issue for her or her boyfriend.

How can you say “whatever you have asked I have answered” when you’ve not answered anything! I have rarely seen a thread where posters’ repeated question are ignored so completely. For instance, the following have all been asked many, many times:

1. What was the house your son was taken to?

2. Why was he taken there?

3. Who were the people there?

4. What happened that led to the police arriving?

5. Why did cousins boyfriend scarper when they arrived?

6. Why, when he scarpered, did he leave your son behind?

7. Why did the police search the house?

8. Where does cousin’s boyfriend usually take your son on their days together? Are they normally going to the park and the local museum or is he always being dragged round random houses where fights break out? You mentioned he just tags on wherever cousin’s boyfriend goes, which sounds more like the latter…

Yeah that’s kind of the problem, the people you are trusting is the issue. You parade yourself on here as god fearing and law abiding but are happy to leave a minor in the care of someone who clearly is not law abiding and runs away from the police not caring if he abandons a minor in the process. Are your insight and judgment that poor that you honestly can’t see how bad this makes you look as a mother?? You’ve never once wondered if someone who would abandon your child without a second thought might not be the best person to be leaving him in the care of?

Why isn’t he taking the older ones round these houses?

But what does the boyfriend do for a living? Because you’ve been furious when people have said it sounds like he’s dealing drugs or otherwise involved in criminal behaviour, and yet you’ve continually skirted the question of how he makes his money.

I don’t know how he makes his money, it’s not my business.

I don’t understand what you are getting at?

What do you mean by “these” houses, when did I tell you they he has been round to numerous “dodgy” houses, there you go assuming again.

You have said several times how close you are to this man, that you've known him for many years and he's like family, yet you have no idea what his job is? That's extraordinary.

I’m sorry, this repeated insistence on nothing being your business is bizarre. This is the man you trust to look after your son every week, the partner to your cousin who you say is like a sister to you. How could you not know what his job is? I don’t think I have one family member, friend or acquaintance that I don’t know what they do for a living. Not one, and if someone was going to be my child’s regular carer I would want to know the basics about him at the very least.

You accuse us all of leaping to conclusions about him being dodgy, this is exactly why.

I do not ask people their business

Oh come on.

He gets his money from something criminal and you know it.

This is a really strange post! It started off OP thinking she was over reacting to the situation of a cousins boyfriend taking her son to a house, leaving son who then gets found hiding in a wardrobe by police, son is told not to name him and tell tales don't grass ! and quote "I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect" Now, it seems to me anyway, that all's ok really and OP continually tries to justify the events. Maybe it's not quite true

Even if your son is spending full days with them on a weekly basis?

I think this might be a cultural difference, for people to be so private about their jobs. Because from a British perspective it seems extraordinary to not want to know anything about a man your child is spending so much time with. You did mention that you moved here as a child, did you come from a very different culture? If so please tell us a bit about it, it might help us to understand where you’re coming from.

He's been with your cousin for many years, long enough to have three children, and you have no idea what he does for a living? 🙄

This thread is so odd in so many ways. I can't imagine what you're getting out of it, since you refuse to answer reasonable questions and instead offer cryptic (and sometimes crude and childish) remarks. BTW if you want to delete your account, as you said earlier in the thread, it's easily done. Just go to account settings.

This man's partner, the OPs cousin, has apparently been more like a sister to her. She says this man has been part of the family for years and she knows him and trusts him enough to frequently leave her child in his care.

And yet she has 'no idea' what he does for a living. Which means the official answer is probably nothing and the unofficial answer is either something highly criminal or something cash in hand, as and when.

This bloke sounds deeply unsavoury. Glad he will not be looking after your son again. But I would go further and have no contact with him at all.

This

Of course you know what he does. He's been in your family for years, you're very close to your cousin and yet you've never had even a casual conversation with either of them about what he does day in, day out?! Never mentioned a funny work anecdote, a reason why he was late to something? Nothing? Not even an industry or working hours or anything? Or the fact he applied for a job but didn't get it so is claiming UC or something? You must know if he at least HAS a job. What utter nonsense.

I have already answered this.

No, you haven’t. Not one.

Yes maybe this.

He has never been a danger to my child, he is always very well known.

Ok, maybe I was wrong to trust him with my child, but it has happened now, I can’t turn the clock back.

I am still stressed out and losing sleep over all of this.

You have not answered ANY of those points.

Not a single one.

Drug dealer then?

Seriously?? I know what jobs all my family and friends do...the fact you don't is highly suspicious and IMO definitely dodgy.

Well, at least you now recognise that trusting him was a bad idea.

I'm a cynic, but I reckon that he's been using your son as cover - people are less likely to suspect a man with a child of being involved in criminal activities. He wouldn't risk his own children, but he was happy to risk yours.