Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

She doesn't want to know, which is utterly baffling to me.

If you can use FaceTime on an iPad, you can make and receive both video and audio calls. Surely this is the equivalent of having a phone!?

But you are NOT a law-abiding citizen! You do have a current and serious issue with the Police - they returned your son after rescuing him from an unsafe and most likely criminal situation. Child neglect (which many posters have mentioned as a concern) is an offence in the UK and elsewhere. You've also deliberately withheld information from the Police by refusing to provide the name of your 'cousin'. The consequences of all of this are yet to be seen, and you don't seem to have the slightest anxiety about it at all.

As others have asked - Why are you still posting here? What can you hope to achieve?

You seem to enjoy being rude and drip-feeding information. Either you're just trolling or you're so completely lacking in self-awareness that your child is at significant risk. I really hope it's the former.

She does know. She just won't say. She is lying to us. If she really doesn't know it's because she chooses not to involve herself too closely in the finer detail of whatever dodgy stuff this man and his associates are up to. But mark my words, she knows more than she is letting on here. But if she admits she knew he was like this all along, then she'd come under fire for letting her boy hang around with him.

As far as she is concerned the only person who has done anything wrong here is the man, for fleeing the house and leaving her son there, unprotected when he was supposed to be looking after him. So that the police had to find him which will probably trigger a SS referral.

All of the background to this, and her son witnessing a violent altercation seems not to be an issue for her. Minor details.

I am not drip feeding, whatever you have asked I have answered.

I am a law abiding citizen as much as I dislike him for what he did to my son, I would never give his name to the police.

And I want to forget about what happened because the more I think about it, the more I find myself getting irritated and stressed out, I still don’t feel as if I have done enough, I want to go round to their house.

I don’t know, I don’t involve myself in other peoples business.

I thought he would never bring any harm to my son, although he didn’t, it’s still bad.

Other peoples business? Are you having a laugh?????

am not drip feeding, whatever you have asked I have answered

Yes you are, like
He was okay AND THEN.... he was facetimed
It sounded like it just needed the EastEnders theme tune after it

I am a law abiding citizen as much as I dislike him for what he did to my son, I would never give his name to the police.

Then you're not flipping law abiding then are you! Law abiding means that you ABIDE by the law and answer them when they ask you for details. Not refuse to cooperate. Jesus H Christ!

This has got to be a wind up. Nobody is this thick.

He was actually okay until they FaceTimed him, please do not compare my life to Eastenders.

Good point. The characters in EastEnders know that they don't live in the real world, whereas you on the other hand....

Have you thought about what might have happened to your son if the police hadn't gone into the bedroom and found him in the wardrobe? What if the cousin's boyfriend didn't go back for him? Did he know how to get home? Would he have been safe if other adults went to or returned to the house?

It is not normal for adults to run if the police knock on the door because of a loud argument. Usually people run because they are doing something illegal or are known to the police and don't want to be involved.

I know you don't want to question your son anymore. You want to protect him, which is understandable. However, if he's seen things he shouldn't have, or been dragged into things he shouldn't have been, you're not protecting him. He now knows you don't want to know what actually happened. Furthermore, he's been punished (in his eyes) because he's not allowed see his cousin's anymore becauseof what happened. That means he'll be less likely to tell you things in the future. If he had been warned not to tell you what they got up to on their days out as you'd stop him seeing his cousins, he now knows that it was true, even if the threat was only made to keep him silent.

I honestly think you and your husband should meet your cousin and boyfriend, with another adult or two present, and find out exactly what happened, why he ran, where and what he's been doing with your son on each day out. You're still probably in shock at the whole thing but this is your chance to act. When the shock wears off you might start reflecting on the comments here and wish you'd done something to find out the truth. Also, if you find out now and SS do get involved, at least you can try and give them a proper account of what you know happened. Currently, you would be unable to answer many of SS's questions. You're worried SS will think there's neglect going on - will they think that if you can't tell them anything about your son's days out with this man, why he was in that house, why the boyfriend ran etc? The less you know, the more the spectre of neglect raises its ugly head.

I wasn't comparing your life to EastEnders, just saying the cliffhanger to the next episode to get everyone asking for more was very EastEnders like.

" I would never give his name to the police."

Never? Not under any circumstances?

So when the police brought your son home and they asked you why he was in the house and who he was with, what do you say?

And how come your son didn't get asked the same questions when he was found? The police will obviously had a reasonably in depth chat with him before they got as far as phoning you. And what did you say?

Sorry officers, I have no idea how he ended up in some random house with random men fighting who we don't know. He just went out to play and this is the first I knew of it.'

And the police just accepted this?

Or did you play dumb and pretend you didn't understand much English? Did your son do the same? Because something isn't adding up here.

Nope, never. It's the criminal code. Honour among thieves etc. Although you have to wonder what a law abiding person is doing letting her son go to dodgy places with a man who clearly isn't law abiding if he ran away from the police and abandoned her kid as soon as they turned up. And instantly the cousin goes on damage limitation making sure he didn't say anything. Because of course she and her boyfriend have nothing to hide. Funny how this cousin doesn't let him take his own kid round all these houses.

So, you refuse to assist the Police. Presumably if you have a problem in the future you'll be calling Ghost Busters to help you....

My son only spoke to them to give them my number, when they called me I gave them my address. He is NOT good with strangers so there is no way he would answer their questions.

No, I didn’t pretend that I don’t speak English, I am not English I wasn’t born here but I’ve been here since I was three years old.

I told the police that he had been out with my cousins boyfriend, I don’t know what has happened or where he is and thanked them for bringing him home, they asked for his name I said I’m not willing to give it to you, I live in a nice home in a new area, my son is very well kept so I’m assuming that there were no cause for concerns, if social services pay me a visit I will co-operate with them.

I'm still wondering if you know whether your cousin or her boyfriend have a job. I know you said it's none of your business or my business how they make their money, but do you know if they work?

Surely that sounds suspicious in itself. You said he wasn't doing anything bad, but refused to name him. This makes it sound like you are also involved hence not naming him.
Any sensible person would give the name and be concerned over what he had taken their child to.

When you say you'll co-operate with SS if they get involved, how can you when you don't know what happened and have not attempted to find out? All you can do is give SS the boyfriend's name. You won't be able to answer any questions on why your son was there, what was happening there, how many other houses your son has been brought to, why was your son being brought to other houses, why you are completely unaware of what was happening when your son was with the boyfriend etc.

My sister occasionally took my children out for a few hours when they were younger. I always knew where they were going and what they did. They told me about their day out when they got back. Did your son ever discuss his days out when he got back? Did you ever know where they were going and what they were doing before they left?

You say you know your son and he would tell you if anything bad happened to him. If your son never told you what he was doing on his days out with your cousin's boyfriend, you don't know him as well as you think and he doesn't tell you everything. I'm not saying that to be unkind but if he can keep the events of days out quiet, he can keep other things quiet. It's something you need to consider.

I don’t think there’s a chance son would ever tell her anything due to the “no tell tales” code they apparently all live by.

OP do you realise what damage you are doing by teaching him that you should keep quiet when bad things happen? What message it sends him when you refuse to cooperate with the police?

My cousin would usually take him and the girls shopping, outings and to other friends and family members.

Now in regards to my cousins boyfriend, when my son did go out with him it was never for the whole day just a couple hours, if he went to get food, see his friends and family etc.

There is nothing wrong with that within my community, I remember I always used to go out with my aunts and sometimes my uncles, we don’t really ask questions, if there is no trust there the child doesn’t go.