Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

Okay OP, so now we've ascertained that there does appear to be a cultural element to this, and the only person you fear is God, what particular culture/religion/ethnicity is it we are talking about here?

It might gives us some clues as to what might have been going on in these houses your son has been dragged around to, belonging to people you vaguely know in your community but are not related to. And it might explain why your cousin's 'boyfriend' who she has three children with spends so much time with your son but not his own daughters. Does he even have a job? It sounds like he has a lot of time on his hands, for a family man.

I know you are not going to answer any of this, because it probably actually will shine light where you'd rather it wasn't shone, but I'm going to ask anyway.

I absolutely do not believe that you don't know the reasons for these visits or what was going on in the houses. If God is the only person who can judge you then he knows you are lying to us right now and he knows that these men are involved in something that probably isn't legal. But I suppose you think that's okay as long as you explain to God that you are lying for the best of reasons because most people on MN wouldn't understand how things work in your culture.

You are also remarkably naive to insist that a gentle boy with sensory issues will not be mentally traumatised for some time to come by having to hide in a wardrobe while grown men fought and argued and crashed around in the same house, or even the same room. Then being abandoned by the person he trusted to watch out for him and being found and brought home by the police, only to see you lie about not knowing why he was there and who he was with. That would be a traumatising memory for any child, but particularly for one who sounds like your son. I have had lifelong issues of anxiety and hypervigilence due to witnessing violence and experiencing very frightening and aggressive behaviour when I was a teenager those experiences have never left me. I've only realised in recent years that that it's probably PTSD.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

If I had a phone call from the police like that, the first thing out of my mouth after 'is my child okay?' would be 'Where is John? His uncle/family friend? He was looking after him. has something happened to John?'

The fact that you chose not to ask that says everything. You encountered the police and you immediately went to into default mode of buttoning your lip and thinking not giving away any more than you needed to was more important than finding out exactly why your child was even in this awful situation. That's not normal behaviour around people who are law abiding with absolutely nothing to fear or hide.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

So 'something had gone on' but you still insist you have no idea exactly what, or why. Honestly, it's just not normal as a parent to see you child go through this and ask for so little context or background information, from either him or the adults involved. So clearly you are either lying to us or you are so conditioned by this 'culture' of yours that you don't think it's your place to question the behaviours and activities of the men around you.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

Why/how have you worked closely with social services? If you pretended to the police that you had no idea why he was there or who he was with, then you are almost certainly going to get a SS referral because the fear will be that a 10 year old boy is knocking around with a bunch of violent, criminally minded adults and his parents don't even know where he is or who he is with. That's not a good look, is it? It's possibly a much worse look than 'I frequently let him knock about all day with a my cousin's boyfriend, who takes him to the houses of other men while engage in some shady business which I refer not to talk about. Which is also not a good look.

Sorry ive not read it all. This is fucking terrible. What was the guy thinking. Sounds to me like its some doss house/drug house/unemployed dead beats. Your poor son. Tell him to stick the bike up his arse and no further contact. What a prick

While the OP is adamant that nothing illegal was going on in this house, I have to question, if that was the case, and it was simply a lot of shouting and a few punches being thrown, why the police felt the need to search the house, and hence found her son hiding in the wardrobe. In this sort of situation if it were a domestic, or just a punch up between a couple of lads due to an argument, they would just ascertain that the people concerned were OK, maybe send one home, if they were just friends, give them a warning to keep the noise down, and that would be that, but they wouldn't search the house, if it was all as simple as the OP is making out.

My money's on it being a certain nomadic community. Either that or just an organised crime family with no morals that puts loyalty towards wrong'uns above it's own children.

I personally think the only ‘culture’ at play is a council sink estate (just a guess due to having grown up on a similar one, but the attitudes towards crime/not snitching are so similar and burying head in the sand)

You have told everyone their presumptions are wrong.

Why do you think your son was in that house?
Why do you think the police were called?
If it was an argument what do you think that argument was about?
When the police came to the house (about an argument) why do you think that they looked around and looked in a wardrobe?
Why do you think your son was in a bedroom OP? - Yes making an assumption that the wardrobe was in a bedroom as that's where they normally are. Was it in a bedroom? Why was your son in a bedroom?

What are your presumptions OP?
If you are telling everyone that they are wrong you must have other explanations that you think are right?

Edit to add: sadly if your son has been abused it is likely he would have been threatened what would happen if he tells anybody.

OP can't speak up without fear if the "uncle" is a nasty piece of work. But that does beg the question why she would let a nasty piece of work look after her kid.

Ah ok so it appears to be a prank thread judging from some deleted posts written by OP that reveal their age & maturity level. Let’s hope it’s just that.

Well if nothing else at least I know I need to brush my teeth and I smell. And that’s coming from someone who doesn’t even know where her kids are 😂

Several juvenile phrases have been used "smelly" "brush your teeth" "tell tale" (sic) etc ...It's probably the son posting as a cry for help, trying to make sense of his shit show home life - but then understandably getting defensive when everyone tells him how shit his mother is.....

Yes, it was very very childish of me.

But if people want to say pathetic things to me, I’m going to do it back, which I shouldn’t have but I will not have people be rude to me.

I am never rude to people, un less they trouble someone close to me.

I am not afraid of my cousins boyfriend, I have already told him about himself.

I’d get your own house in order sweetheart. It’s a mess.

Well they’ve certainly troubled someone close to you now haven’t they ? To the extent where ‘rude’ doesn’t even begin to cover it. They put your son in danger and you are still denying the potential extent of it to the point where you won’t cooperate with the police to get to the bottom of what happened to your own child.

How is your little boy today?

Why are you still here @iamstillfuming ? What are you getting from this thread and reading people's posts?

Doesn’t matter whether you’re afraid of him or not. He was involved in something very dodgy that put your son in danger, and yet you’re quite happy to carry on in ignorance of what happened to your son and how badly it’s affected him, because that involves dobbing someone in to the police, who isn’t even family and who obviously has a great deal to hide. Nice priorities.

I doubt she’ll be that bothered to be fair, she’s too busy protecting the man who abandoned him.

In sincerely hope that fairly soon there’s a knock at the door which OP won’t be able to ignore.

If your not scared of the boyfriend, then why on earth are you protecting him?
Not wanting to be a ‘tell-tale’?

If you have no worries about him in that sense why are you not delving deeper?

I fully understand if you were frightened of him and scared of the repercussions but it doesn’t appear you are.

Are you already aware of whatever dodgy things he’s up to and because you’ve let him expose your child in whatever it is, your trying to act like it didn’t happen hoping your child may forget if you don’t keep mentioning it?

But you're the only one who has said random, childish things!

What does stand out is the fact he is your cousins boyfriend not husband.
As you mention religion. And not telling the police names as your family dont do that sort of thing.
Is he the father to your cousins children?

If you truly believe that nothing dodgy has happened why then are you (and your son) never having anything to do with them again?

And if you truly believe nothing dodgy happened, why would you not provide his name to the police when asked who your son was with?

The only answer is that you know exactly what dodgy stuff he was up to, and you still let your son spend a day a week with him because that was convenient to you. And you will tie yourself up in knots to avoid admitting that here.

There's a mutual lack of understanding here, from OP and posters too, me included. It's all a bit sad and confusing really.

Anyway, I hope you and your son are ok OP, take care.