Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

You don’t realise how sad and pathetic it all sounds, he went to a house a fight broke up, but some how it’s all drug related, and yep he is SAing my son as well.

Whose house and where was it? Whet was he doing there? Who fought and what was the fight about? Why did he flee and abandon your son? Why don’t you want the answers to these questions?!

You are a truly pathetic parent. I’m genuinely disgusted by your casual attitude. Kids like your son are the perfect targets for dodgy things like county lines, because his parents apparently don’t give a shit where he goes or what happens there. What is wrong with you?!

Either this is the world's worst parenting in action, or this thread is a pisstake. I hope it's the latter tbh.

@BeagleSkunk Just gutted for the OP’s 10 year old son really. Based in the info given on this thread, it appears that he could be meeting the criteria for an easy target for exploitation. It’s just wild that the OP can’t see that.

Most of us think that we would go to the ends of the earth to protect our children. It’s scary seeing that someone is likely prioritising other factors over that.

Your head is in the sand, OP. It really doesn’t sound great. Most people would be working with the relevant authorities on this, keeping communication channels open with them and getting an expert to check in with their child.

Hey Op. I know your are afraid of what you may find out. But dont be afraid anymore. You love your son and want to protect him. But dont protect anyone else to forsake your own son. Be the woman who is not afraid of anyone and find out the truth for your son. Your son will some day say Thanks for listening to me. Be that person. Mum to my beloved Son

Same. No one can be this terrible a parent, surely?!

I wish I never posted on here, I am deleting my account.

Bye.

Everyone hopes for your childs sake you're right but sadly nasty stuff does happen, little secrets, involving close family. No matter how much you think you know your child, and trust that he'll be open and honest about any wrong doing, that doesn't happen very often. through fear of repercussions that's why there's so much historical abuse

If this thread is real - ask your son what really happened, inform the police, and keep your child away from bad people. Do your job as a parent FFS.

This boyfriend of your cousin's sounds well dodgy.
Why is he so keen on taking out your son without your cousin present?
I'd be steering well clear and giving all the info I can to the police, something v dodgy is going on.
How old is the boyfriend of your cousin?

Delete away. You will still be the worst parent I’ve encountered on here. And that’s really saying something.

Well as you say, you and your husband both work full time. Kid has gone off to work with dad this morning, so you’d better leave for work now anyway.

You are not exaggerating.
Yes, though you didn't mean to, you did fail your son; as did your cousin's boyfriend and all the people who were fighting and shouting near a child.
Learn from the experience and do not leave your son with this man again. He makes poor choices.

Apologise to your son that he was left feeling abandoned and that he had to witness violent noise and ruffians.

You need to tell your husband that your DS is not to be cared for by your cousin's boyfriend any more due to him having rowdy friends who cause fear and alarm DS.
.

Agreed - very much feeding the troll here I think

I expect he wants to take your son out to make sure he didnt tell the police anything and also to bribe/thank him /apologise to him with the bike.

What you describe paints a picture of the world I grew up in. A sinkhole council estate in a mining village. Lots of shouty people kicking off at each other and a lot of dodgy dealings. Casual violence and things kicking off at the drop of a hat (and LOTS of fb drama these days!) but the same people who'll put your window through will fiercely defend you from outsiders. Its an odd mix. There's a closeness there and even more so between family members.

I am not saying this to insult you! Although I expect you'll take it as one.

Its just that its a different kind of life with its own set of rules and unless you've lived it, you dont understand it.

I may be wrong but thats the vibe im getting. Not creepy uncle trying to do something to your son.

Whether I'm right or wrong what I would say is take a deep breath. You're not under attack here and there's no need for you to come out fighting on here. While some are certainly being harsh about it, most of what I'm reading here is rooted in concern for your son. That's not a bad thing.

Many years ago, I worked in a school with a very mixed catchment in terms of socio-economic backgrounds.

We'd hear some pupils coming out with similar tales of being in houses where some kind of altercation had broken out. (They all came from the same very extended family.) Social workers were involved, but no one was ever removed from their home. In most cases, the mothers eventually left - taking their girls with them and leaving the boys behind.

The only thing that I know for certain is that at least two of the fathers were alcoholics.

To this day, no one seems to know exactly what went on, but one boy who had just left school was murdered when men with baseball bats broke into a house that he was visiting with other members of his extended family.

No one was the victim of SA, so far as I'm aware, no one was groomed - but just being around a clearly criminal element was enough to put the boys in that family in extreme danger.

I don't think that the boy's murderers were ever brought to justice. There's no suggestion that the victim was involved in any kind of illegal activity - just being around "dodgy" people was enough to cost him his life.

I'm relieved that the OP has at least said that she'll no longer allow the cousin's partner to take her son out.

ETA Have just seen the comment above from @Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast. Yes, that was very much the situation.

NB I'm from a coal mining background myself. There were two types of people when I was growing up - those who prided themselves in their work and in elevating their families and those who who ended up as described above.

Even now my mum does not know that my upstanding " lovely " grandad abused me for many years.
He was accused many years after I was old enough to stop being taken there and everyone was aghast as he just would never do something like that and that everyone would know or could tell.
In later years I found out 2 of my female cousins also had to endure his abuse, yet none of us told anyone.

You are either willfully ignorant or a bit thick. Countylines does not just affect underprivileged chn. It can be people using relationships to persuade children to do things. If my 12 year old was brought home by the police you bet id be asking him questions about where he was, what the adult was doing etc.
People think it could possibly be drug related as that is a plausible reason for what happened. Also worrying that the adult has said he will buy something for you son is a concern as that is exactly what grooming is.

The fact that you are so defensive and nasty to posters explaining real life concerns is worrying.
.you dont think it will happen to you, you know your child etc. Well an 11 year old in my dc class died from a drug overdose, his parents did not believe he was doing drugs he was also dealing them and being used by older people to do so.

Tbh I was just waiting for the deletion message as so much doesn’t ring true.

if it is true, OP you have your head in the sand that something untoward could have happened and it’s much better to err on the side of caution rather than let awful things continue unchallenged.

So do we. Because now we worry that there really is a kid out there with someone as awful as you as a parent.

I agree - it can’t be real.
Even the most nonchalant of parents would want every detail if their child was brought home by the police and all the man that took him was worried about was did he gave the police his name!

On the off chance this is real, you need to find out what this man has been doing with your boy, I wouldn't let it lie till I had every detail of what they've been doing on these outings.

What would be that bad that the cousins BF essentially had to flee? He either felt threatened with violence or knew that the police were on the way and didn't want to get caught being there, for whatever reason, but it's not going to be positive is it? I can't believe that he just left your son in, essentially a strangers house. Have you pondered who's house, where is it and why were they there? I think i would want more answers. Cousin is obviously in on whatever happened to have had that reaction. I wish you well OP, it sounds like that whole side of the family are going to rally together and not even consider how scared and confused your son must have been. Has he been threatened at all to keep his mouth shut? It seems strange that he hasn't given you more information. Despite not having contact details for the police that attended, I think I would at least attempt to call the station to get more details so you know exactly how angry to be.

I hate to say it but you are either incredibly naive or in denial. Your cousin's boyfriend has been taking your son to places alone for years. Do you not understand that's how grooming works? It's about spending months or even years gaining trust, making a younger person feel special because you take them out yo p,aces by themselves. Do you have any idea who's house he was in or why he was taken there? If you don't then you have no way of knowing what was actually going on there. I'd be concerned about what this disturbance was about, why people were shouting, why the boyfriend ran away and why the cousin was so concerned your son might say something. Say something about what? What was going on there that she didn't want anyone to find out about? They were clearly up to no good at that house. Something dodgy was clearly going on. Just so you know, grooming isn't necessarily about sexual abuse or drugs. It's about isolating a person from their family (check), by spending vast amounts of time alone with them (check) and influencing them not to say anything to their parents about what you get up to (check), something you admit the boyfriend has been doing for years. That is exactly what grooming is, slowly isolating a young person from their family, and clearly he was exposed to something they are worried he might talk about - yet there you are telling us your son would tell you if something was troubling him. Yet he won't tell you why he was taken to the house or what was going on there. Again, that's how grooming works. By influencing a young person to keep quiet. What do you think they were doing in there, exchanging knitting patterns?

@ForZanyAquaViewerI reported this thread earlier this morning and have asked for it to be looked into as either it’s a made up nonsense post or there’s a child at genuine risk. Hoping @MNHQsee it and deal accordingly. It’s especially pertinent as so many genuine people have shared their own experiences of abuse which can’t have been easy for them to share.

THE BIKE IS PART OF THE GROOMING.

I've read the first couple of pages and all the OP's updates and think I have the gist of this.

My first thought was drugs - there's a guy (Uncle) who is around all day (not working?) - house with people arguing and fighting - Police called. And the OP not giving the Uncle's name to the Police when they return her 10 year old son to her.

What I can't get my head around is the total disinterest of the OP in knowing the full details. The OP's concern that Social Services may get involved, but not that the Police asked for the Uncle's name and OP refused to give it. This Uncle has left her - as she says, precious and much loved - son at the scene where Police have had to attend, and she refuses to comply with the Police when they return her son.

OP, I hope you have disappeared off and are looking after your son. But I just can't get my head around you being so uninterested in what was going on with your son. You can go into a local Police Station, or call 101 and ask for more details. If Police were called there would be an incident report number, your address as the return of your son will be logged on the Police report. As a responsible parent I think that's the least you could do. Your constant doubling down of "my son is fine, my son is OK" is really irritating to me, you don't know what happened on that day, you don't know what's happened on other days when the Uncle was with your son.

I'm deeply depressed by this post, honestly.