Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

Well we all think your he and your son is involved in that sort of nonsense because he took him to a random house, got involved in an altercation so bad the neighbours called the police, ran away leaving your child behind and an officer found him scared and alone hiding in a cupboard too scared to speak except give your phone number whilst your cousin was only concerned with whether you'd given her boyfriend's name to the police then the man in question attempted to buy your son a very expensive gift.

This. The first thing I would do is tell my husband and anyone else that would listen. I would go utterly nuclear and no-one would hear the end of this for decades. Honestly. I would never let this drop. It would be written on
tombstones !

OP, you are sure your son would tell you if something was worrying him. But since you have made it very clear to him that you want to protect the uncle by refusing to give his name to the police (which can only be because you suspect he has been up to no good and would be in trouble), and that you want your son to forget about the whole incident, I’m sure you are wrong. Your son will know now that you don’t want him to talk about it and that you are as concerned about protecting the uncle as you are about him. He will have seen that you are upset and will be trying, in his childlike way, to protect you.

I simply cannot imagine not wanting to find out every last detail of what happened to my child, what was going on, why they were in that house, exactly what my son might have seen or heard to frighten him so much, how the police found him, etc. etc. This is almost certainly the most traumatic event of your son's life so far, and you are giving him the message, spoken or unspoken, that you aren’t interested in the details and just want him to "forget" all about it. Poor child.

That sound’s petrifying. Your poor son, I would be absolutely livid. You are not over reacting in the slightest. You don’t need to ruin your relationship with your cousin but the trust has been broken. Wouldn’t be letting my child go off alone with that man anymore though.

@iamstillfuming I've read all your posts, but I can't understand the arrangement with your cousins boyfriend. He has three female children of his own but he comes and picks your son up, not to go and spend time with his children so he isn't lonely, which is something I could understand, but to take him out on his own, a lot, for full days? Something about that isn't quite right. Is it a childcare arrangement and he is babysitting him whilst you work?

And why did he run away from the house when the police came if he hadn't done anything wrong / wasn't there for a dodgy reason? Why didn't he go back for your son himself, why did he send someone to look for him? Did you give the police your cousin's boyfriend's name so they could speak to him or did you cover for him too? Will you expect your son to lie too when the police likely come back to speak to him again. How do you know that the wardrobe wasn't upstairs if you didn't know the house where they were?

And you may think you would know if your son was hiding something or that he would tell you if something dodgy had gone on. I can pretty much assure you that that isn't the case. My mum would have been absolutely adamant too...

He's obviously like an uncle, so there's no reason to think there's anything dodgy - until yesterday.

I'm assuming it's drugs related?

I don’t think you can be so absolutely sure about where this man takes your son after this, all the trust is gone surely? From what you describe it sounds like drugs might be involved. He wouldn’t be going within a mile of my child again. And definitely tell your husband, asking your son to lie about things to his dad is a safeguarding issue, and wouldn’t look good for you if social services did get involved.

If it’s true then OP has left out a lot of detail and at the very least l would expect a follow up today and a referral to social services. The boy may have been a witness to something illegal, so l would expect more questions at some point. But yes, the story has more holes than a string vest.

and what did he say...?

has he been there before?

what did they do there?

what was the altercation about? was it verbal and/or physical?

where there other children there?

how did you DS explain his presence at the house to the police? Did he say you left hin there? Or his 'uncle'?

where was it - do you know the address/people?

You and your husband both work, which is why you dropped your child at your cousin's house. Do either your cousin or her boyfriend work? If so, do they have very well paid jobs? The reason that I ask is that most people couldn't afford to just buy their girlfriend's cousins child a new bike at the drop of the hat, so I wonder if they have extraordinarily well paid jobs, or if the boyfriend makes his money by illegal activities.

I did not ask him all those questions.

I have already told you all…

He told me that he went to a house they started shouting arguing and fighting and he went into a cupboard because he was scared and didn’t like the noise.

He has never been exposed to anything like that before, and I’ll do my best to ensure he doesn’t have the witness anything like that again.

He has gone to work with my husband this morning.

Yes I agree and no I don’t think it was drug related, why would it be?

How they get their money is non of mine or your business.

A decent bike is around £300 nowadays, I’m sure a lot of people have £300 sitting around.

But why on earth would you not want to know the answers to all those things? Such a huge event in your child's life and you don’t want to know all the details? I just don’t get it.

If your cousin's partner hasn't done anything wrong, why is he so worried about his name being given to the police? If you're so certain he hasn't, why wouldn't you "do that to him"?

I fail to see why you would in anyway protect someone who fled, leaving your son frightened and hiding, and who then sends someone else back to get him rather than going himself. I imagine Social Services will view it in the same way, because this will be reported to them by the police.

To spend on their partner’s cousin’s child (when they have their own) to apologise for leaving them in a cupboard/wardrobe in a random house until the police find him and bring him home?

Yeah, we all put money aside for those eventualities.

Well, you obviously suspect there’s something dodgy going on or you wouldn't be worried about giving his name to the police, and you wouldn’t say how they get their money is nobody else's business.

It might not be any of my business, but I hope that you would know if your relatives have good jobs or if they are on benefits.

errr … no … they don’t …

and Uncles don’t just buy expensive gifts at the drop of an hat for an apology … that’s not normal

either you are incredibly naive and your kids uncle is taking him on drug deals, your family are dodgy as fuck and you know about it or this is just a little leprechaun with a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow story cos I’m not buying the police would just drop your son at home no questions asked.

"My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day." (OP)

"I dropped my son off there in the morning and went to work." (7:51 today)

Which one was it?

Jesus, this poor kid.

County lines uses vulnerable young people and children to carry drugs. The plain fact is that you have no idea where the boyfriend has been taking your son on his ‘days out’, or what he is mixed up in. IF BF was involved in county lines you wouldn’t know about it - that’s the point. And IF he is involved in it, the very fact that he’s taking your son out regularly seriously suggests that he would use him. - and your son would have been conditioned not to talk. Your cousin certainly seems eager for BF’s name not to be disclosed to the police - more eager than making sure your son is OK. Your naivety is astounding, as is your willingness to sweep under the carpet an event serious enough for the police to be at your door, so you don’t upset family.

Why doesn’t he just join them on a family day out though? With your cousin and their children? It’s a bit weird 1:1.

OP, why did you obstruct the Police by not telling them who you son was with ?

If you didn’t want people’s reactions / opinions, then why did you post the question in the first place? Surely it wasn’t to just hear what you thought already, that’s just an echo chamber. People are giving you their differing points of view and if you don’t agree with it, I don’t see why you are arguing with them. It’s the whole purpose of this forum!