Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

Op, I don’t understand why you’re not wanting more information from the police? The story doesn’t add up. I hope your son is ok now.

If the cousin’s boyfriend is the father of her daughters then, realistically, refusing to see him also means not seeing her. Which is a price that probably does need to be paid.

What are you going to do about childcare now whilst you and your DH both work - as your story has now retrospectively evolved into this situation now being one of a childcare arrangement.

How handy that you were back at home when the police found your son and not still at work?

This is what’s so odd about the situation. I’d be moving heaven and earth to find out what happened, but OP has been minimising and seems more concerned about social services becoming involved than getting to the bottom of things. I think there’s more to this.

I'm more concerned that the police just dropped the boy off like an uber eats delivery.

I sincerely hope that Social Services and the police come knocking today.

I suggest that the feckless OP's wish for the boy to "forget" what happened is more than simply looking after for the child's welfare, sadly.

Besides, the idea that someone can forget a moment when they were ten years old in which they were terrified to the point that they hid inside a stranger's wardrobe, the adult in charge ran away and left them, and the police brought them home is utterly inconceivable.

"Wardrobe" particularly troubles me. A piece of bedroom furniture.

But the OP "knows" that no abuse could have occurred.

Ridiculous at best and let's not think about the worst.

Well here's me jumping to conclusions...
OP knows exactly what's going on. And is irritated that her son got left behind in a wardrobe.

Have I got this right - a man leaves his own 3 daughters at home and instead collects a 10 year old boy for company for the day - man and said boy end up in a house where there is a loud altercation at the minimum - man leaves boy hiding in wardrobe and the police find boy and drop him off with no questions asked? Is that remotely feasible?

At the least I would want to know how long my son was hiding in a wardrobe, as where im from in the UK the police would be a few hours to reply to a call like that.

Personally, now it's the morning, I'd ask my child what happened. I have a 10yo and they would definitely be able to tell me in detail "so we went to x first and then uncle said we just needed to go to y. So we walked to the house and went inside. It was busy and there were z number of people in side. They were all doing..." Just ask your son what happened. It's actually kind to ask him to open up about it as it shows you are wanting to process the situation he went through with him, not just brush it under the carpet.

I just came across your post and wanted to add my support to you and your family.

I think you're justified in how you feel and people who are trying to negate your feelings and gaslight you into thinking, "it's not such a big deal," are quite frankly deluded. Your young child was involved in such a serious incident that the police were called and the person you trusted to keep him safe abandoned him. Your little boy was found hiding in a wardrobe and the police had to bring him home to you! I'm wondering how your cousin would be feeling if the tables were turned & your husband had abandoned one of her kids to then be returned by the police...?

My daughter works in Early Help with our local social services, and I'm fairly certain that if a referral is made and deemed worthy of a follow-up visit, they would focus on ensuring your son is okay after his ordeal and offer you support moving forward. (She never discusses individual cases with me, but I often quiz her on hypothetical scenarios as she has such an interesting job.)

I agree.

The OP has accused lots of posters of jumping to conclusions but with no evidence whatsoever she has assumed that the cousins boyfriend needs protecting from the police and has refused to give them his name. She knows what's going on.

😂

You have to win the year award for not reading the thread…no one, literally no one, has said this isn’t a big deal.

Oh wait, sorry, OP has.

Well you said it was a house, and your son was found hiding in a wardrobe, which suggests an upstairs bedroom. Not that much of a reach.

You insist on minimising the events and the effect on your son. You seem more interested in preserving family cohesion than in getting to the bottom of things - finding out what happened and why it was of interest to the police. Until you know that, you’ll never know whether your son is really ok, because you don’t know what he saw or whether he’s been threatened to keep silent. You seem very naive - have you heard of county lines ?

And refusing to give BF’s name to the police protects him from the consequences of his actions. You owe him nothing. He put your son in danger and your cousin’s first reaction was to make sure you didn’t ’dob him in’ to the police !!

The whole story gives the impression that your son is by no means your first concern. If he was, you would be moving heaven and earth to find out what happened in that house, what your son saw, whether there is any ongoing risk to him, and whether he needs support to process this. And you would be giving whatever information the police needed to make that happen. Instead you’re minimising the whole thing and insisting your son is OK when you can’t possibly know that. That’s why people are invested.

Exactly this is why this whole story is sounding made up. Surely the police wouldn't just drop a 10 year old home without further questions. Wouldn't they be asking the mum where she thought her son was? He is 10 for goodness sake. Also mum was supposedly at work, so where did they drop him - did she suddenly get home in time for the arrival or was it conveniently time for when she finished.
It seems that if any of this did happen, then OP is lying to the police in some way - refusing to say he was with his 'uncle', or pretending she didn't know where he was (which is surely a safeguarding concern in itself).
Same with the boy, understandable he might be distressed but surely a specialist officer or social worker would be called in to ask him questions about who he was with, why he was there etc or they would be coming back to follow up on the events.
I know the police have had lots of funding cuts but surely they would want to find out more about how a young kid ended up in a random house and be concerned about a parent who doesn't seem bothered about it.

I have already asked my child what happened 🤯

In this case, I think I would make a point of telling the police that the son was with <boyfriend’s name> at the house when it all kicked off. That the OP didn’t get the names of the police officers doesn’t matter - they should have a record of bringing a ten year old back to his mum.

This. This done in a non judgmental, non-reactionary way.

How can you possibly know everything about your son, when you haven’t asked him about a traumatic thing that happened to him?

What else has not been communicated between you and your son? He will be able to perceive that this information is either unimportant to you, or too upsetting for you to confront. This is hardly an open channel for communication between you and him.

"The people" are her friends and family and they all stated it was not a big deal!

Possibly the most spectacular reading comprehension fail ever. Go back and read the thread again. Absolutely no-one is gaslighting OP. No-one is thinking it isn’t such a big deal - with the exception of OP herself, who has been minimising the seriousness of what happened so that her family can still play nice together.

@Rosscameasdoody I’m wondering if it was meant in relation to the family members, rather than the people on this thread.

Of course I have heard of county lines and no he isn’t involved in that nonsense!

County lines is sending youngsters to different cities to sell drugs, I don’t understand why anyone would think he or my son is involved in any of that, you need to stop jumping to conclusions.

IF he was involved in that nonsense he wouldn’t use my child, and better still I would have nothing to do with him because people who use children and the bottom of the barrel

The people I was referring to are her friends and family!

@iamstillfuming But how can you be so sure if you haven’t spoken to the uncle or tried to find out from your child why he was hiding in a closet? If you just want to brush everything under the carpet and forget about it, you won’t know the facts would you. Your son was actually there whereas you are just creating stories in your head to help you move on

Agree. But the bigger problem is that he may have been threatened to keep quiet.

The disturbing thing here is that the boyfriend has been taking OP’s son out for the day regularly. And if this is any indication, he’s clearly up to no good. OP has no clue what’s going on, what the boyfriend has her son mixed up in, or for how long. And the first reaction of OP’s cousin was not the safety of her nephew, but to make sure her boyfriends’ name wasn’t disclosed to the police, so she very clearly knows what’s happening.

My first thought, and that of quite a few others was county lines. OP doesn’t seem to realise how serious this could be, or whether her son is in any ongoing danger. The only way to find out is to co-operate with the police, but OP is prioritising protecting the boyfriend from the consequences of whatever is going on, regardless of the implications for her son.

Something very dodgy is going on and l would hope there will be more contact from the police and possibly social services. Someone has to ensure that the childs’ needs are met because it doesn’t seem as though it’s a priority for OP.