Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

Thank you for this comment it means a lot 🥹

I am sick and tired of people here jumping to conclusions. We have known my cousins boyfriend for many years and he never gave me a reason not to trust him up until now, so therefore he will never see my son again.

And for the person who said why couldn’t myself or my husband look after my child, we both work, what do you think we do sit around all day claiming benefits, I dropped my son off there in the morning and went to work.

I am no longer worried about social services turning up, I know I haven’t done anything wrong in this situation, and again I will not be questioning my son any further on what happened, we are both trying to forgot about it and my son seems fine, and don’t tell me he isn’t because you don’t know him.

I would never get anything out of arguing with people behind a screen, you probably haven’t even washed or brushed your teeth yet but you’re here telling me A B and C.

I asked one simple question and now it has escalated into people telling me he is being groomed and sexually abused.

Your son might seem fine as he knows he can't share with you what he has been exposed to.
He may be terrified of what happened in that house. Maybe even threatened at some point and told if he tells something bad (maybe to you?) would happen.

But you carry on pretending nothing happened and your son just had a lovely day out and all is good as cousins boyfriend wants to buy him a bike and that's what nice people do 🙄

Oooooh you goady cow.

The benefit comment was absolutely unnecessary.

If the thread is of no ‘benefit’ to you anymore, then hide it and best of luck to your son.

This sounds like a cultural thing. I am half Albanian and my family on that side all behave like this. The boys 'belong' to the men of the family and they would drag them round with them to do errands/involve them in things they shouldn't and also nobody trusts the police and no matter what happens you deny all knowledge. Likewise the SS stuff. It sounds like the OP is in the UK but the behaviour of the men involved sounds depressingly familiar. It's why I have very little to do with any of them.

Gotta be a wind up after all.

Sounds like there was fighting, the police were called by a neighbour and the cousin's boyfriend ran away. The police found your son and brought him home. How terrible that he forgot about him! I don't believe hr forgot at all. I think he couldn't find him and ran away so he wasn't implicated in something. I'd never leave my child with them again.

OP, you say yourself he's never given you a reason not to trust him until now, so why do you still seem to trust him?! I get that you're not letting your son see him, but given that you say yourself he's broken your trust, how can you be sure that he hasn't done anything else to break that trust previously and you just haven't found out? Do you know where he has taken your son every time they've been out?

How do you know that there was an “upstairs” in the house? see there you are jumping to conclusions.

If I was someone reading this post I would just have answered the question and left, I don’t know why people are so invested.

My son is at home where he is safe, it’s going to be a long time before I trust anyone with my child again.

People are invested as most normal people care about the safety of children.

This is crackers

i think the whole buying a bike .

keep quiet and il buy you that bike you wanted

sorry but he was obviously in a trap house with teenagers or young adults and he is either being used to and primed for county lines - being a mule - or somthing else.

how old is this cousins bf ? Is he young enough to be vulnerable also. If he’s an adult then it’s even deeper.

I think your deluded to think sexual abuse or grooming hasn’t gone on cos you know him

but don’t quite know him well enough to know where and what you son was doing on the outing not the aftermath.

I think you need less air time right now and to sort it out your son regardless is deffo not telling you everything poor boy

So there wasn't? Do you know that? As you said you didn't want to know anything about what happened and didn't ask the police any questions and aren't talking to your son about it either.

People are worried about your son. More than you it would seem.

You asked are you being unreasonable and taking things too far. People are answering this and saying you are not taking things far enough but you don't seem happy with that response so not sure why you posted other than to wind people up about this event that didn't really happen as no one would be this naive to not investigate further

I think you need to keep talking to your son. He could have seen and heard some awful things. I would be seriously concerned about what the cousins boyfriend is involved in and if he has been bringing your son into it for a reason. This could have been ongoing. I think your husband will find out even if you do not tell him.

“If I was someone reading this post I would just have answered the question and left, I don’t know why people are so invested.”

You obviously don’t know mumsnet then, and people are invested because they are concerned for your child, and are surprised that, apart from the no contact stance, you seemingly want to brush it under the carpet with a ‘no harm’ label, without wanting to know more.

Not to be rude, I am not going to start over thinking or back tracking, it’s just going to irritate me and stress me out.

If something had previously happened my son would tell me or I would know something isn’t right and don’t tell me otherwise because I know my child, you don’t.

So does this man leaves his own 3 kids at home and comes and fetches someone else's to tag along with him for the day? That is unusual OP.

Did he really want a son or something? If I was his daughter I might wonder why this other kid was hanging out with my dad. Or are they much older?

I would hope as good practice the police will make a social services report and then maybe you will find out what's gone on because your cousin and her boyfriend's story is holey. I can see you don't want to quiz your son but hopefully he will talk about it, it's not always great to just try to forget about scary things and he will be experiencing loss too if you (rightly) stop contact with these people. Kids fill in the gaps when stuff they don't understand happens, often thinking they are to blame because their view of the world is still quite egocentric at that age.

I also think if you are scared your husband is going to go around maybe you are also being controlled and manipulated- it’s not healthy none of it is .

maybe you should speak open and freely to a women’s and children’s social worker and hear the same from them.

big fat red flags for your child’s future and yours and if you see nothing wrong with it then it’s a big issue when that child’s brain forms and connects the dots . And the finger will be pointed right at you

Are you not able to both look after your child and speak to the police? The two activities are not mutually exclusive from one another. And it sounds like you need to get to the bottom of whatever has happened. Including giving names to the police as if nothing on towards was going on, nothing bad is going happen to them. The police do not just randomly enter and search homes and find children in wardrobes unless there was some shit going down.

Why on earth a 10-year-old is hanging around with much older teens I don’t know. It’s clearly a disaster in the making, whether for grooming or county lines. There’s quite a lot of research on how children who hang around with older children get into trouble.

I’ll be honest this is all pointing to you really needing to pull your socks up, take some responsibility, and being a bit more all over what your child is doing.

Stop blaming everyone else and be the parent.

I bet she knows exactly where he was and why.

Or we’re all meant to believe that most people have wardrobes for kids to hide in in their kitchen.

Or huge drip feed ‘I know it was a bungalow but the police offered no other information because I didn’t look like I cared.’

If your son hadn't been brought back by the police on this occasion, would you have known he'd been in a stranger's house?

And as for the we are now jumping to conclusions about there being an upstairs ‘ hun you said house
houses have stairs - wardrobes are usually bedroom furniture

he could of hid anywhere the point he he hid . And he got left u do not forget you have a child.
but if the backlash from the police was going to be worse than leaving your son for the cousin then you can see why he did it !

so so worrying for you !

you might know now what happened but you will in the years to come once he understands more as a young adult

get it sorted if nothing happened sinister and you did the leg work to find out then you can sleep easy !!

I have adult children, sometimes they mention things they did, or situations they'd been in when they were young that I'd had no clue about at the time.

We were good parents, they talked to us a lot, nice home, good schools.

All kids have secrets, madness to think they don't.

If you are finding it difficult to deal with the questions being asked here, think about how you will feel later on when SS are asking the same questions of you. Posters here are giving you the chance of a reality check. You’ve either knowingly sent your son off with a dodgy character - or someone is not who you thought. Let’s hope the latter. Your cousins boyfriend is not what he seems is he - taking a child for a treat visit to the park, or bowling and then ending up in a private house with volatile and aggressive people fighting over whatever it is they were fighting over is not the behaviour of a benevolent older relative.
just shut your family unit down - tell everyone you’re a bit shaken up and just want some space for you and your son. Ignore offers of bikes as that’s just weird and suspicious. Ignore flying monkeys telling you you’ve over-reacted. Trust no-one. Just shut your front door, draw the curtains and wait to see what the fallout will be.

This is either a windup or someone unwilling to take advice and just spoiling for a fight. It’s really unfair on the posters who are using their time and energy giving genuine advice.

The BF took OP’s ten year old son to a house that OP knew nothing about, filled with people she didn’t know, and where something so violent kicked off that someone called the police. And the boy was so scared he ended up hiding in a wardrobe Then when the police arrived the BF legged it and left OP’s son in the house.

This isn’t a ‘family relationship’ it’s an accident waiting to happen if OP allows either of these two people anywhere near her son again.

There is something deeply disturbing about the fact that OP is more concerned about social services becoming involved and protecting BF from a police investigation, than she is about getting to the bottom of what actually happened. Why the person to whom she entrusted her son allowed him to be mixed up in whatever was going on in that house, and why BF was so concerned with getting away from the police that he left the boy behind while he ran.

Her cousin’s boyfriend put her son in danger and her cousin showed a breathtaking lack of concern for that when she contacted OP with the sole intention of stopping her from giving his name to the police. And you want OP to apologise for the way she reacted and find a way to resume the relationship - are you on glue ??!!

l seriously doubt this is the end of the matter, and OP will implicate herself if she continues to refuse to co-operate with the police. I would have thought a referral by the police to social services would be standard given the circumstances in which they found her son, and hopefully they will ensure the boy is protected, because it’s clear from OP’s posts and the way she’s reacted to various posts that she’s more concerned with preserving extended family ties than she is about the safety and well being of her own child.