To feel inconvenienced by a tragic accident?

[OnemargarIta]

I'm currently in Italy (staying in Rome) for three nights. It's my first foreign break in a warm country and I've been so excited and saved up especially.

We booked an excursion for today consisting of a trip to Sorrento where we'd spend time exploring, visiting shops and enjoying local food - and then on to Pompeii on the route back.

We've spent the whole morning/day so far stuck in traffic on the motor way. We are so behind schedule we can now no longer go to Sorrento first because Pompeii closes at 5.30 and there won't be time. A sit down restaurant meal will now be replaced by a takeaway which will be eaten on the coach.

We've just been told the cause of the traffic jam and it's because somebody has died in a collision on the motorway.

Instead of feeling saddened about the loss of life I just feel inconvenienced and pissed off that the highlight of my trip has been ruined.

Does this make me a shitty person? It just occurred that it might 😳

No, it doesn't. You're not in control of how you feel: only of how you act. And the fact that you're considering this at all means you're doing just fine.

Big 🤗Hope the rest of the holiday goes well 😘

I think it's fine to feel sad at the loss of life but also frustrated – feelings aren't a finite pie.

As someone who commutes by train every day, 'fatalities on the line' do frequently cause frustration while also recognising the tragedy. And someone can be frustrated without being a twat about it.

Put it like this, I have had my plans interrupted several times because of 'a person on the line' between where I live and London and my first thought is how awful for the train driver and the people on the train.

Pompeii and Sorrento will still be there for another time.

Yes, you're a shitty person.

Wow!

How empathetic of you

Not always the clever option. I did Athens to Meteora on the train for a day trip (already a long journey but thought it would be worth it) and got stuck on the train for 7 hours (whether or not it was because of an accident/fatality on the line I don't know, they didn't say.) Luckily it was on the way back so I didn't care so much. But trains aren't immune to delays either.

I think YABU if you don't care that someone died (but I don't think that's what you're saying) but not to be disappointed that your trip is so badly affected. It's human to feel disappointment and frustration at that, no matter what the cause. If you don't know the person involved in the accident and don't see it then it's almost impossible to feel the same level of empathy as you would if you'd witnessed it or knew the people involved.

This reminds me of an inicident from way back which I've reflected on a lot. I don't think I did anything wrong in this case, but I was made to feel bad.

Long ago I was on my way to a work meeting about 12 miles away and I got stuck in a stationary traffic jam along a rural B road. I got out of the car and couldn't see anything up directly ahead and didn't dare leave the car for long to check. I was worrying about my appointment when police motorcyclist came down the line of traffic slowly, and some people had clearly spoken to him. I asked politely if he knew how long before we could get moving and I got a bollocking in return. He told me that someone (turned out, a motorcyclist) had been killed and that I was very selfish to be concerned about being kept waiting.

How was I to know? Of course that was tragic, but as we know, there are many reasons why traffic is held up. I guess this officer had been close to the scene of the accident and was upset himself, but I felt very shocked by his attitude. A simple 'There's been a fatal accident, madam, and it will take time for everything to be sorted out' would have been reasonable.

I tell myself now, whenever I'm delayed by an accident, that it could have been me, so being late or missing something is trivial.

Worth the trip then really OP, to find yourself.

Aye. There's innocent little old you thinking you weren't going to stir up a hornets nest by making this post.
I do think there needs to be methods to keep the road running regardless of accidents, however bad. course it is sad when someone is killed but unfortunately the world just keeps spinning around regardless.

Yes of course, understand, someone not feeling sad, that someone they didn’t know has died.This was tragic circumstances though and obvs it was on the same route op was on.Yes, it’s ok not to feel sad, you can’t make yourself feel sad, either you are or you aren’t🙄however to say you feel inconvenienced and annoyed, is another thing, personally l think that’s quite selfish, to feel that way just because holiday plans have changed, not looking at the bigger picture.It’s life, not everything is about you @OnemargarIta

I wonder how many people posting in this thread are more excited about the chance to sternly tell someone off than sad about the loss of life of this family in a different country that none of us know.

I think I feel the same base level of sadness/empathy for road traffic accident victims as I did before I opened this thread. It's not zero, but I'm not prostrating myself. OP also only found out about this particular accident by reading something online. Is only the OP expected to feel sad, and not the rest of us, because she is currently located a bit physically closer to them?

You ask if it makes you a shitty person, yes it does and a whole lot more. Yes it’s ok to be disappointed but inconvenienced by someone else dying is a horrible way to think. That person will never get to see another day, another day trip, another beach, another anything and you’re inconvenienced because you can’t go on a day trip? Have a word with yourself, go another day and if you can’t during this holiday book another holiday, think yourself lucky you have that option and haven’t just died in a tragic accident!!

I'd be pissed off too OP, you are not a bad person to feel it's unfair your day has been ruined. Especially when you don't get the opportunity very often. I've seen people furious over much more minor inconveniences.

Tbh I’m sure all these very self-righteous people would feel the same way AS WELL AS feeling sad about the loss of life.

People just don’t normally verbalise it / post it on line.

You then obviously tell yourself to pull yourself together and at least you have your life/ your loved ones, and feel sad for those who have died. But it’s human to feel at least momentary annoyance.

I would probably feel the same but I wouldn’t have made a whole post about it.

People will tell you that YABU and you are, there’s no denying it. But the reality is you didn’t know this person, they don’t mean anything to you and of course you are more disappointed about the impact on your trip.

I wouldn’t be saying it out loud though!

As you can see, OP, there are a few of us on this thread who have been on the flip side of your situation as in we've had family / friends killed in accidents that have closed roads and held up traffic.
The fact that people are still agreeing with you makes this thread even more crass.
Aside the fact you posted it in the first place.

This is what I was going to say.
Don't beat yourself up OP.

Another person wondering how OP was expecting to have enough time to get a coach from Rome to Sorrento, have time to explore plus also visit Pompeii and get back to Rome all in a single day, in August 🤯 Pretty bonkers doing that anyway but even odder doing it on a 3-day visit to Rome 🤯 Yabu on that front alone.

If the accident had involved the caoch how would you feel then?

Then again If you had set off an hour later you may have missed,

Its life live with it, you went home aftrewards, someone didnt..

Yes I’d still feel the same. I was stuck recently not far behind a big crash, without internet so I couldn’t even check if people were okay. I just sat there worrying about what was happening in front of me. The first thing I did as soon as I did get where I was going was get on the internet to find out. Believe it or not some of us do genuinely not start bemoaning our own inconvenience when someone’s death has caused a delay for us. Four hours isn’t long really compared to death.

Are you grieving now too? Or did you just post that and go on about your business. Because we should all be grieving today should we not? OP just happens to be a bit closer to the accident.

Would you be OK if your WiFi was turned off for the day as a mark of respect for this victim? Every time the queue is long or the supermarket runs out of something or the train is delayed could be due to a tragedy somewhere along the supply chain and you would never ever feel irritated??

It doesn't make you a shitty person. People die all the time.

They should have had better resources in dealing with the accident and clearing it efficiently. Same thing happened in my city. Major motorway blocked for hours. Knock on effect on a whole city of 1.5 million. It was ridiculous.

178000 people will die today, I'm grieving for all of them 😇

YABU
and visiting Pompeii? obviously a bit of a ghoul anyway 🤷🏽‍♀️

I can’t believe some of the smug, sanctimonious bullshit on here. I don’t believe for one second that anyone condemning OP for feeling put out would give the victim more than a passing thought and then go back to feeling pissed off that their holiday plans have been ruined as a result. Such hypocrisy.