To feel inconvenienced by a tragic accident?

[OnemargarIta]

I'm currently in Italy (staying in Rome) for three nights. It's my first foreign break in a warm country and I've been so excited and saved up especially.

We booked an excursion for today consisting of a trip to Sorrento where we'd spend time exploring, visiting shops and enjoying local food - and then on to Pompeii on the route back.

We've spent the whole morning/day so far stuck in traffic on the motor way. We are so behind schedule we can now no longer go to Sorrento first because Pompeii closes at 5.30 and there won't be time. A sit down restaurant meal will now be replaced by a takeaway which will be eaten on the coach.

We've just been told the cause of the traffic jam and it's because somebody has died in a collision on the motorway.

Instead of feeling saddened about the loss of life I just feel inconvenienced and pissed off that the highlight of my trip has been ruined.

Does this make me a shitty person? It just occurred that it might 😳

Hang on, you name changed for this thread? So obviously you didn't want to post under your original username because you knew it was wrong and you didn't want other users to recognise you.
Well there we go, case closed.

I think OP was on a wind up from the beginning. No normal person would start a thread like that.

I'm not a normal person, I'm neurodivergant with a severe case of ADHD. I assure you I have never felt nor claimed to be normal 😂

That’s rich from someone who has had several posts deleted on this thread for breaching guidelines.

Why are you acting like a tosser. Because some poor soul died and interpreted your holiday.

That’s rich from someone who has had several posts deleted on this thread for breaching guidelines.

You’re fine, OP. The people being nasty to you need to take a good long look at themselves.

Being nasty to someone online whilst lamenting unknown strangers on the road who died is a special kind of hypocrisy.

😂

Rubbish.

Yep

They were quite tame compared to some of the others that were deleted, I can assure you.

But she wasn't 'lamenting' unknown strangers on the road, was she?
She was pissed off because her trip was delayed.
I've been stuck in traffic before due to an accident but I haven't thought to myself, "I know, I'll start a thread on mumsnet about them inconveniencing me and ask people if I'm a shitty person for doing so."

I think you misunderstood what that poster was saying.
She said a load of people attacked the OP (and some of the rest of us) being horrible whilst they were lamenting a stranger’s death. Not that the OP was

I wasn't being nasty, I was disagreeing that people who are moved by a stranger dying in a tragic accident and feeling briefly a little bit sad aren't virtue signallers. Maybe because I lost my Brother this way makes me more sensitive.

I don't care OP didn't feel anything but me and a lot of others thought the thread was in bad taste.

How is having a different opinion being nasty?

I also don’t think “well you got a post deleted for breaking talk guidelines” is a good argument on here - from either side. I find MN is very trigger happy when it comes to deleting reported posts.

There was one that accused me of being emotionally unintelligent or something that got deleted. I didn’t even report it because it wasn’t even that bad! It leaves huge holes in the conversation and it’s not like that poster was wishing for awful things to happen to me or anything 🤷‍♀️

people who are moved by a stranger dying in a tragic accident and feeling briefly a little bit sad aren't virtue signallers

Youre right. Because this isn’t virtue signalling. Feeling sad about a tragic incident is normal (as is being disgruntled if it’s ruined your plans)
Shouting all over the internet about how sad you are about it IS virtue signalling.
Its possible to have empathy without having a “who is the most empathetic” competition.

That’s the difference.
So, every time I seen an ambulance go past me with its blue lights on, I automatically think “I hope whoever is in there is going to be ok” - that’s not virtue signalling. If I recorded a video of myself telling everyone that’s how I feel and then posted it online that is virtue signalling.
Although it kinda negates it that I’m even talking about it on here!

I have another good example - I saw a video online once of this odious woman who had gone out on the streets with the sole intention of giving money to homeless people whilst filming herself doing it.

She approached a sleeping woman on the streets and woke her up to give her some money. She was clearly performing for the camera. In this instance, the homeless woman pulled a blinder and started over the top thanking her for it by stroking the odious woman’s hair and clearly sarcastically thanking her for being such a wonderful person. Odious woman looked clearly uncomfortable with it.

Anyway, the point is - the act of caring about homelessness or the act of handing money over to a homeless person isn’t virtue signalling. Telling everyone about your good deed, accusing others of being horrible people because they don’t do the same, filming it and putting it online, even creating a thread on a forum going on about your good deed IS virtue signalling.

I already knew this.

I can't see many people virtue signalling on this thread so the posters calling people this are wrong.

You've proved us right.

Most posters said that it"s normal to feel both.

How hard is it for some of you to understand?

Nobody has done this either. OP started the thread and asked the question.

Nobody has started a thread about being really kind.

I haven’t proved you right in the slightest.
There have been some very measured responses to the OP. Saying it’s possible to feel both and most people probably would in that scenario.

The ones where they’ve attacked the OP and told her she’s an awful person because they would have been practically wailing in the aisle of the coach over a strangers death are absolutely bat shit. Bringing up that Pompeii is also full of death, the constant “I have a monopoly over this because I lost a relative in an RTA so my feelings are the most important” when literally thousands of people have been affected by it also is over the top.

It’s been a competition over who can care about a stranger’s death the most. I find it disingenuous.

You just aren’t getting it are you. I’m giving you examples of virtue signalling to try and make you understand what it is because you clearly don’t.

People being nasty to op, need to take a long look at themselves?! Hmm ok, in your very one sided opinion
OP has said they change their username all the time on here, to start different threads or to comment, not hard to work out why.Why start an emotive thread and ask am l being shitty, you agree with op, many don’t, that doesn’t make them hypocrites, just that they have very different standards in life.Again, this isn’t just about someone dying in the road as you put it, it’s about the talk of suicide, which quite rightly have all now been deleted.And the way op has spoken to other posters, which is a bit rich of you calling people who have a different view to op has nasty, when there are loads of of nasty comments from op.

I blocked a school friend on Facebook for voicing similar, selfish sentiments regarding an incident on the M25. At least you have the humility to feel shame about your knee jerk reaction

Do better 💐

OP hasn’t been nasty to anyone, yet posters you agree with have called OP a tosser and other names, Why didn’t you call out that nastiness?

I do understand. You're explaining something I understand. Why do you think I don't understand.

Nobody is sobbing for hours, filming themselves sobbing, making threads about their sobbing, taking time off work because they can't stop sobbing.

They just would probably have a moment of oh that's really sad, poor person and their family. Then be upset because their own day is ruined.

Please do not give me any more examples of virtue signalling.

Thank you.

This ^^
OP, Everyone has tragic events at some point in their life, but life keeps going on around us for everyone else, the world keeps turning.
It's ok to have those feelings of sadness for what's happened, while wishing it hadn't impacted on you.