Anxious for MIL visit after holiday disaster

[TheQuaintTealSeal]

As in the title really.

I am really anxious and not looking forward to MIL visit this weekend but somewhat being made to attend, more of a how should i navigate this than AIBU.

A bit of back story (sorry this is a long one), MIL organised a holiday for us all (myself, DH, DD 14 months at the time and MIL and MIL new husband and grandparents from Ireland) back in February. it would have been our first time aboard together since being married for 4 years. We only had a month to get passports for myself and DD due to when we were told about the last minute holiday, which I must admit I didnt really want to go with a 14 month old and undealt with mental health issues but was convinced to go by DH. Flight was around 4am so as you can imagine not a lot of sleep for anyone and with a tired 14 month old, the start of the flight was horrendous and I was starting to get frustrated and overwhelmed with anxiety being on a busy plane with lots of people looking at me with the screaming of DD, DH moaning in my ear about her screaming and already not wanting to go anyway, so I raised my voice to my DD and husband to both stop in the panic of everyone looking.
FF to when we get there all started okay until we check in and the whole overwhelming situation I get a bit upset and really not wanting to be there and just wanted to fly back home, this was lack of sleep talking. Spoke with my mum as we are close ish hoping it would help (which i massively regret) and it somehow ended up with my aunt at our hotel door the very next morning, which i definitely did not ask for or want in the slightest.
MIL finds out about this and seemed okay about it, but barely spent any time with us or her DGC the whole week! We had 1 evening meal and 1 drink the entire week! Fair enough they also wanted to do their own thing but our daughter got sick and being first time parents the situation at the time and her state and being in another country, we were worried and tried to get hold of MIL. (Wasn't even in the same hotel, was a 10 minute taxi ride away but she's a pediatric childrens nurse), DH called many times but she didn't pick up so ended up with my aunt helping with what to do.

FF to flying home, we never went to the air port with MIL despite previous arrangements and they changed their seats to the front of the plane away from us, we were all booked together at the back before, didn't know of the change until we got on the plane.
When we arrived home at the airport we saw MIL walking briskly to the front of the terminal to get the bus to the car park, without even saying goodbye to her DGC.
We thought this was odd but carried on to the carpark on another bus.

This is where it gets nasty. MIL texts DH to say "sorry for not saying goodbye to DGC I was just pissed off with myself for her aunt turning up and I fully blame her for it and for ruining the holiday and I dont appreciate how she talks to my DGC and style of parenting". Now I dont think my DH really defended me and in effect said "we are the ones that deal with her 24/7 and we will parent how we see fit". I actually didn't know any of this for months until DH slipped up in an argument and said his mum didn't like me and sent me the screenshot of her message out of spite.

I'm so angry and upset over her comment and the fact that she acted nice to my face whenever we did see her for the whole week.

Now she hasn't visited in 6 months where usually it would be every month or so and NOW she wants to drop everything and let it be, and forget everything and wants to visit, and im expected just to forgive and forget, but I cant. I honestly saw this woman as a 3rd motherly figure and now im questioning everything.

How would you navigate this visit without causing confrontation or arguments as I cant handle it but dont want to be 2nd guessing if im being slagged off behind my back or be somewhere where im not wanted because im still being blamed and seen as a bad parent.
And yes I am aware my DH was also wrong in this.

Shall I just forget everything as I was in the wrong with raising my voice and not trying harder for my aunt not to rock up or am I right to still be annoyed and hurt by all this.

Absolutely agree

You speak as you find………

Yet have added in a shed load of hyperbole to make your view look correct 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I'm flabbergasted as to what's going on here. Is OP secretly Rebecca Vardy and most of the commentators know that? Can't understand otherwise why everyone seems so willing to hate on her.

Maybe OPs mum

Works and can’t get leave easily at short notice?
Is exhausted at the OPs neediness and needs to take a step back
Has a fear of flying
Can’t afford a ticket
Lives a long way from the airport and makes the travel harder

If the Aunt lives close by, why is she staying at the hotel?

Why not go home, instead of paying £££££ for an August stay?

Why would MIL want to have dinner and drinks with the holiday intruder Aunt?

Maybe Aunt is a boring, unsociable person and is ruining the holiday MIL has paid for.

You’ve made complete assumptions to “prove” your point? So can everyone else do that?

Yes, that’s exactly how I feel. I keep reading the OP’s post trying to figure out why some people are being so hateful, and what I am ‘missing’ It is very odd. As someone else said, some of the replies on here could be really unhelpful to the OP if she is struggling, so I hope she’s ok.

How would I handle it??

I would invite my Aunt over during this awful woman’s visit and stare her down. That way it will be another six months (hopefully more) before this nasty woman darkens your doorstep.

You called your mother crying because you were overwhelmed because your husband wasn’t stepping up. Your mother helped by sending your Aunt. I initially thought your mother and your Aunt were overstepping - but after reading your entire post it seems like they recognise how useless your husband is.

I’m also wondering why you are staying with your husband? Instead of helping on the plane he was blaming you when your baby was crying.

Same. She was clearly having a tough time and NOBODY stepped up. Now people are sticking the boot in to HER for being overwhelmed.

I think some people just get enjoyment from being nasty, which is a bit sad for them really. Hope OP is OK

i can see a kind of pattern here.
Nobody is "hating" on anyone here (although some of the comments about the DH ad the MIL are heading that way)

Can i assume that there are huge numbers of women in the UK who are unable to cope with their child, unable to say to the father of that child "well you calm her down then" are unable to function without making everything into a drama. And therefore think that any comment that doesn't immediately say "oh poor you everyone else is an absolute monster" is "hate" and "putting the boot in"

OP needs a bit of couples therapy, and needs some assertiveness training. DH needs to step up. MIL needs to reflect on her part in raising a useless son.

Come on @TheQuaintTealSeal come back and answer our questions

It is putting the boot in though, it is kicking her when she's down. Some of the responses on here are appalling, calling her hysterical and a drama queen. She wasn't coping and there's fuck all empathy from other mothers and women. It unnecessary.

A lot of mental health issues could be cured if people got a bloody grip and stopped catastrophising normal every day emotions!

What the fuck.

What?

There is a lot of pandering to people nowadays, read any thread on here about school and the allowances they have to make because people are to scared to sit exams, sit tests, want extra time for this that and the other!

People are allowed to be sad and not be labelled as suffering from depression
Be nervous, not suffering from anxiety!

By catastrophising any normal normal emotions as mental health we are doing a massive disservice to those people who are suffering.

Why? So people who take pleasure in kicking someone can feel less bored?
I’m not surprised the OP has stayed away, healthiest thing to do.

Yeah, the sharks have smelled blood, now they want a taste!!!! Great fun on a Monday morning, eh?

Honestly, this poor mum who has been treated terribly by her husband, has rock bottom confidence and mental health crisis has been told on this thread:

• that she's pathetic
• that she can't cope with being a mum
• that her own mum is probably sick of her neediness
• that she should apologise for getting upset

How would you feel if your child was told that you were probably sick of their neediness, when they were at their lowest ebb?

If you can't see what's wrong with that then you shouldn't be around other humans, let alone children.

If you start a thread on AIBU, you have to accept people will not agree with you and will challenge you.

You're like a modern day Nurse Ratched.

But the OP DID have unaddressed mental health issues. What the actual fuck is going on with this thread.

Thank you

Or just be utter dicks to you. And equally the utter dicks can accept that they will be called out for being utter dicks.

Do you want her to provide you with more ammunition for your hideous posts? I'm not surprised that she hasn't come back to her own thread. Talk about mob mentality.

Don't be daft

I have repeatedly said that the DH should have been supporting OP when she was clearly overwhelmed.

I have given the same advice i would give to anyone else in her situation: learn to toughen up, the parental journey can be brutal. You need to learn to advocate for yourself and your child.

Your DH needs to step up. The MIL - who i don't think did much wrong - needs to reflect on how she brought such a useless man into the world.

As i said: plenty of people today are completely unable to function in society.