Anxious for MIL visit after holiday disaster

[TheQuaintTealSeal]

As in the title really.

I am really anxious and not looking forward to MIL visit this weekend but somewhat being made to attend, more of a how should i navigate this than AIBU.

A bit of back story (sorry this is a long one), MIL organised a holiday for us all (myself, DH, DD 14 months at the time and MIL and MIL new husband and grandparents from Ireland) back in February. it would have been our first time aboard together since being married for 4 years. We only had a month to get passports for myself and DD due to when we were told about the last minute holiday, which I must admit I didnt really want to go with a 14 month old and undealt with mental health issues but was convinced to go by DH. Flight was around 4am so as you can imagine not a lot of sleep for anyone and with a tired 14 month old, the start of the flight was horrendous and I was starting to get frustrated and overwhelmed with anxiety being on a busy plane with lots of people looking at me with the screaming of DD, DH moaning in my ear about her screaming and already not wanting to go anyway, so I raised my voice to my DD and husband to both stop in the panic of everyone looking.
FF to when we get there all started okay until we check in and the whole overwhelming situation I get a bit upset and really not wanting to be there and just wanted to fly back home, this was lack of sleep talking. Spoke with my mum as we are close ish hoping it would help (which i massively regret) and it somehow ended up with my aunt at our hotel door the very next morning, which i definitely did not ask for or want in the slightest.
MIL finds out about this and seemed okay about it, but barely spent any time with us or her DGC the whole week! We had 1 evening meal and 1 drink the entire week! Fair enough they also wanted to do their own thing but our daughter got sick and being first time parents the situation at the time and her state and being in another country, we were worried and tried to get hold of MIL. (Wasn't even in the same hotel, was a 10 minute taxi ride away but she's a pediatric childrens nurse), DH called many times but she didn't pick up so ended up with my aunt helping with what to do.

FF to flying home, we never went to the air port with MIL despite previous arrangements and they changed their seats to the front of the plane away from us, we were all booked together at the back before, didn't know of the change until we got on the plane.
When we arrived home at the airport we saw MIL walking briskly to the front of the terminal to get the bus to the car park, without even saying goodbye to her DGC.
We thought this was odd but carried on to the carpark on another bus.

This is where it gets nasty. MIL texts DH to say "sorry for not saying goodbye to DGC I was just pissed off with myself for her aunt turning up and I fully blame her for it and for ruining the holiday and I dont appreciate how she talks to my DGC and style of parenting". Now I dont think my DH really defended me and in effect said "we are the ones that deal with her 24/7 and we will parent how we see fit". I actually didn't know any of this for months until DH slipped up in an argument and said his mum didn't like me and sent me the screenshot of her message out of spite.

I'm so angry and upset over her comment and the fact that she acted nice to my face whenever we did see her for the whole week.

Now she hasn't visited in 6 months where usually it would be every month or so and NOW she wants to drop everything and let it be, and forget everything and wants to visit, and im expected just to forgive and forget, but I cant. I honestly saw this woman as a 3rd motherly figure and now im questioning everything.

How would you navigate this visit without causing confrontation or arguments as I cant handle it but dont want to be 2nd guessing if im being slagged off behind my back or be somewhere where im not wanted because im still being blamed and seen as a bad parent.
And yes I am aware my DH was also wrong in this.

Shall I just forget everything as I was in the wrong with raising my voice and not trying harder for my aunt not to rock up or am I right to still be annoyed and hurt by all this.

I will admit I am intrigued over the situation with the aunt - where did she come from - does she live there - did she fly out - who paid for her to stay there - what was said on the phone to instigate someone joining a holiday??

Now that’s a dramatic statement! Jesus give over!

So a struggling mum comes to a network of mothers for some advice and support and is told she's abusive, pathetic and a burden on her family. To you it may be sport, to some that would have a pretty major impact.

Your statement was vile, How do you know what’s going on in the persons life you directed it at…..

Oh you're kidding me? You're worried OP's back might have hurt their knife?

That makes no sense whatsoever!!

Lanzarote woman is busily sticking the knife in to OP yet it's HER feelings you want me to be considerate of.

You're right, I don't know what's going on in her life. But she did know what was going on in OPs life when she decided to turn beating up on her into a Monday morning sport.

Of course, but many of the posts on this particular thread go way beyond just disagreeing or challenging.

Look, you want your opinion and to say vile things, whilst chastising others!

I’ve told you my view of that comment, which incidentally if I read it as OP and if I did have serious MH issues, might actually make me think that’s what was expected of me as I was not worth more, that’s how I should react to an anonymous comment on a forum.

MH issues can be that complex.

So, don’t get into “your victim blaming” with me, I’m not interested. Your comment is way too far.

If I was you, I’d ask you it to be removed, but you seem to think it’s a good idea to leave it, because you think you’re proving a point. I’ve reported it so hopefully MN will delete it anyway.

And using UPPER case letters makes your point no more valid.

What "vile things" did I say? People need to realise the potential consequences of online bullying. You obviously know deep down how bad what you've been doing is, hence trying to turn it around on me.

It’s been deleted now…… lucky escape for you.

Why are you asking now four posts later what was vile about it? If you thought it wasn’t vile, why didn’t you say that first off?

Odd that!

Let’s hope OP didn’t see it?

Anyway, I’ve made my point, had your comment deleted .
I’ll leave you to appoint yourself a saint and everyone who says otherwise is wrong.

Oh yes, of all the things on here it's my comment calling out the bullies that might upset OP. You are her great defender. If you're enough of a fool to believe that then I pity you.

Thank you, I appreciate your pity….

And yes you've proved a point - that my comment struck a nerve and you got it deleted because you realised how horrible you'd been.

Ok, if you say so, you’re honestly the only person on this thread that’s got the right to an opinion.

Your post was removed because it was vile, please explain how it wasn’t?

It is not being ‘a saint’ to point out that some people are indulging in a free for all ( as opposed to a respectful disagreement) Just basic decency. Then again, if that is considered saintly then so be it. Better than the alternative.

Do you understand how internet forums work? You reported a post that could have been thought to refer to a triggering topic (altho actually I could have just meant that OP couldn't respond because she'd been pushed so far she was crying in a corner - your own guilt put a more extreme interpretation on it). They remove the post. Or did you like to think some superior being read through everything and went "yes, definitely, blankblank good, new here vile"?

And basic decency is not making a thinly veiled comment inferring that a comment on comment on a public forum could lead to an attempt of suicide, that’s disgraceful.

As I’ve said that’s not helpful for OP at all. It’s only the poster wanting to chastise someone with a differing view.

The OP posted once and left. Perhaps time to call it a day.

Someone who is sleep deprived, anxious and overwhelmed. Sometimes people make mistakes in these situations. If the DH had been helping then it might not have happened. OP you are getting a lot of flack from people who obviously are perfect parents 24/7! Family holidays are rarely a good idea and not if you don't want to go.
However I would try to forget the holiday and rebuild your relationship with mil. But also start speaking up for yourself with your DH. He should have held DD on the plane and backed you up so you didn't need to call your mum. If another holiday is ever suggested tell him he can take DD but you're staying at home!

Yes, I know how forums work, do you?

They’re full of differing views and you don’t police them?

Of course it’s not what you meant? Of course you’re a saint, I remember now.

You were inferring that OPs MH may mean she has suicidal tendencies and that the PP could’ve pushed them over the edge and wouldn’t be bothered about it. To say anything else, is you in denial because you’ve been called out.

She was not, she flew to lanzarote from the UK

To be fair, a lot of people find the 'be kind' parroting rather insipid (myself included).