Anxious for MIL visit after holiday disaster

[TheQuaintTealSeal]

As in the title really.

I am really anxious and not looking forward to MIL visit this weekend but somewhat being made to attend, more of a how should i navigate this than AIBU.

A bit of back story (sorry this is a long one), MIL organised a holiday for us all (myself, DH, DD 14 months at the time and MIL and MIL new husband and grandparents from Ireland) back in February. it would have been our first time aboard together since being married for 4 years. We only had a month to get passports for myself and DD due to when we were told about the last minute holiday, which I must admit I didnt really want to go with a 14 month old and undealt with mental health issues but was convinced to go by DH. Flight was around 4am so as you can imagine not a lot of sleep for anyone and with a tired 14 month old, the start of the flight was horrendous and I was starting to get frustrated and overwhelmed with anxiety being on a busy plane with lots of people looking at me with the screaming of DD, DH moaning in my ear about her screaming and already not wanting to go anyway, so I raised my voice to my DD and husband to both stop in the panic of everyone looking.
FF to when we get there all started okay until we check in and the whole overwhelming situation I get a bit upset and really not wanting to be there and just wanted to fly back home, this was lack of sleep talking. Spoke with my mum as we are close ish hoping it would help (which i massively regret) and it somehow ended up with my aunt at our hotel door the very next morning, which i definitely did not ask for or want in the slightest.
MIL finds out about this and seemed okay about it, but barely spent any time with us or her DGC the whole week! We had 1 evening meal and 1 drink the entire week! Fair enough they also wanted to do their own thing but our daughter got sick and being first time parents the situation at the time and her state and being in another country, we were worried and tried to get hold of MIL. (Wasn't even in the same hotel, was a 10 minute taxi ride away but she's a pediatric childrens nurse), DH called many times but she didn't pick up so ended up with my aunt helping with what to do.

FF to flying home, we never went to the air port with MIL despite previous arrangements and they changed their seats to the front of the plane away from us, we were all booked together at the back before, didn't know of the change until we got on the plane.
When we arrived home at the airport we saw MIL walking briskly to the front of the terminal to get the bus to the car park, without even saying goodbye to her DGC.
We thought this was odd but carried on to the carpark on another bus.

This is where it gets nasty. MIL texts DH to say "sorry for not saying goodbye to DGC I was just pissed off with myself for her aunt turning up and I fully blame her for it and for ruining the holiday and I dont appreciate how she talks to my DGC and style of parenting". Now I dont think my DH really defended me and in effect said "we are the ones that deal with her 24/7 and we will parent how we see fit". I actually didn't know any of this for months until DH slipped up in an argument and said his mum didn't like me and sent me the screenshot of her message out of spite.

I'm so angry and upset over her comment and the fact that she acted nice to my face whenever we did see her for the whole week.

Now she hasn't visited in 6 months where usually it would be every month or so and NOW she wants to drop everything and let it be, and forget everything and wants to visit, and im expected just to forgive and forget, but I cant. I honestly saw this woman as a 3rd motherly figure and now im questioning everything.

How would you navigate this visit without causing confrontation or arguments as I cant handle it but dont want to be 2nd guessing if im being slagged off behind my back or be somewhere where im not wanted because im still being blamed and seen as a bad parent.
And yes I am aware my DH was also wrong in this.

Shall I just forget everything as I was in the wrong with raising my voice and not trying harder for my aunt not to rock up or am I right to still be annoyed and hurt by all this.

Maybe your mil was pissed off that your aunt flew out the next morning and technically gate crashed the holiday that she paid for I would be pissed off to and keep my distance from you . Have you apologised to mil for auntie crashing her holiday and explained the situation to mil of why she turned up

Are you still on this ? You have absolutely no idea what the circumstances are. How many people are in a position to pay for a holiday for the whole family ? MiL did. Why aren’t you questioning that? Am I missing something here or are you deliberately avoiding the fact that OP has significant MH problems ? Some people are actually concerned and supportive. Clearly that blows MN’s collective mind.

Why does OP need to apologise. She didn’t ask Aunty to come, and if Aunty is paying for herself it’s hardly gatecrashing. DH’s family clearly don’t want to support OP’s MH problems - from what she’s written they have scant understanding of it. So given that they’re not interested in getting involved and giving her the support she needs, why would they object to someone from OP’s own family doing just that ?

Yeah paying for the entire family to holiday is really unsupportive! Awful and nasty thing to do! Should’ve just invited her DS and DGD, that I’m sure would’ve gone down really well.

What is your problem. Because you’re making this up as you go along. OP didn’t fly her aunt out - her mother did and the first OP knew was when aunty turned up the following day. If you’re going to be fucking horrible to the OP at least get your facts right before you weigh in.

the irony of other people making stuff up 😂!

Not saying it wasn’t a lovely thing to do, but you keep missing the point. OP didn’t want to go. She was coerced by her DH. I don’t care what his motives were, OP didn’t want to go and said so. He should have left it at that and gone by himself. And judging by his behaviour on the plane, him taking DGS by himself was about as likely as a round trip to the moon.

Nope. Not engaging with your daft games. Go troll someone else.

It’s wasn’t the first she knew, she was aware of it and tried to stop it! Now her DM didn’t take any notice of her, but she should’ve because my your reckoning the OP is an adult and can make her own choices.

Or is it different dependent on the scenario?

I think you and @Lanzarotelady are actually MiL and OP’s DH.

Your missing the point she didn’t want her aunt coming over but that was also ignored, so why is one ok and not the other?

Both were kind?

Sorry to burst your bubble but I am not the MIL or the DH

Rosscameasdoody is putting energy into this conversation to protect someone vulnerable. Why do you have nothing better to do all day than attack someone on MN??

I think you’re the overbearing DM or Aunty, judging by your posts!

Well, if we are all being honest we don't know who paid for the flight for the aunt. The aunt or OP mum, but whatever OP said to her mum on the phone was enough for someone to pay for the flight out.

Neither.

Not how a forum works, anyone can post as often as they like, despite your opinion.

if @Rosscameasdoody was that bothered, she’d PM the OP and not keep making up
hyperbole on here.

And how is that any of OP’s fault. If she tried to stop it and DM took no notice, that’s on the same level as her DH ignoring that she didn’t want to go on the holiday and convincing her to go ahead with it anyway. It seems OP has a problem with asserting herself - that can be as a result of significant MH problems. Doesn’t absolve others for their part in bullying someone into doing something they don’t want to do.

You’d think her DM would know that, but clearly not. So maybe the issues are with the DM, she’s never listened to OP? Maybe that’s the issue here?

There’s that word again. And I have PM’d the OP. I have over twenty years experience with mentally and physically disabled people and thankfully I understand what’s happening here. Shame all you seem to be focused on is pulling the OP down and picking apart everything she says.

No i haven't been away since I was 16

Shame your constantly updating the thread and tagging others, whilst simultaneously moaning that people are tagging you.

Sorry when you said that you hadn’t been abroad for four years when you got married, I took that as fact.

If she hadn’t gone on the holiday there would have been no need for the aunt to come over.