Anxious for MIL visit after holiday disaster

[TheQuaintTealSeal]

As in the title really.

I am really anxious and not looking forward to MIL visit this weekend but somewhat being made to attend, more of a how should i navigate this than AIBU.

A bit of back story (sorry this is a long one), MIL organised a holiday for us all (myself, DH, DD 14 months at the time and MIL and MIL new husband and grandparents from Ireland) back in February. it would have been our first time aboard together since being married for 4 years. We only had a month to get passports for myself and DD due to when we were told about the last minute holiday, which I must admit I didnt really want to go with a 14 month old and undealt with mental health issues but was convinced to go by DH. Flight was around 4am so as you can imagine not a lot of sleep for anyone and with a tired 14 month old, the start of the flight was horrendous and I was starting to get frustrated and overwhelmed with anxiety being on a busy plane with lots of people looking at me with the screaming of DD, DH moaning in my ear about her screaming and already not wanting to go anyway, so I raised my voice to my DD and husband to both stop in the panic of everyone looking.
FF to when we get there all started okay until we check in and the whole overwhelming situation I get a bit upset and really not wanting to be there and just wanted to fly back home, this was lack of sleep talking. Spoke with my mum as we are close ish hoping it would help (which i massively regret) and it somehow ended up with my aunt at our hotel door the very next morning, which i definitely did not ask for or want in the slightest.
MIL finds out about this and seemed okay about it, but barely spent any time with us or her DGC the whole week! We had 1 evening meal and 1 drink the entire week! Fair enough they also wanted to do their own thing but our daughter got sick and being first time parents the situation at the time and her state and being in another country, we were worried and tried to get hold of MIL. (Wasn't even in the same hotel, was a 10 minute taxi ride away but she's a pediatric childrens nurse), DH called many times but she didn't pick up so ended up with my aunt helping with what to do.

FF to flying home, we never went to the air port with MIL despite previous arrangements and they changed their seats to the front of the plane away from us, we were all booked together at the back before, didn't know of the change until we got on the plane.
When we arrived home at the airport we saw MIL walking briskly to the front of the terminal to get the bus to the car park, without even saying goodbye to her DGC.
We thought this was odd but carried on to the carpark on another bus.

This is where it gets nasty. MIL texts DH to say "sorry for not saying goodbye to DGC I was just pissed off with myself for her aunt turning up and I fully blame her for it and for ruining the holiday and I dont appreciate how she talks to my DGC and style of parenting". Now I dont think my DH really defended me and in effect said "we are the ones that deal with her 24/7 and we will parent how we see fit". I actually didn't know any of this for months until DH slipped up in an argument and said his mum didn't like me and sent me the screenshot of her message out of spite.

I'm so angry and upset over her comment and the fact that she acted nice to my face whenever we did see her for the whole week.

Now she hasn't visited in 6 months where usually it would be every month or so and NOW she wants to drop everything and let it be, and forget everything and wants to visit, and im expected just to forgive and forget, but I cant. I honestly saw this woman as a 3rd motherly figure and now im questioning everything.

How would you navigate this visit without causing confrontation or arguments as I cant handle it but dont want to be 2nd guessing if im being slagged off behind my back or be somewhere where im not wanted because im still being blamed and seen as a bad parent.
And yes I am aware my DH was also wrong in this.

Shall I just forget everything as I was in the wrong with raising my voice and not trying harder for my aunt not to rock up or am I right to still be annoyed and hurt by all this.

You're also very good at playing the victim if I am honest and having people bow down to you, you had your aunt flown out to look after you!

And her DH did want a holiday, he’s obviously got a lot to deal with and not been abroad for four years. So who can blame him? It was all paid for and that’s a bloody massive positive in my book.

Maybe he thought a paid for holiday would do the OP some good.

Well thank you for calling me a simpering wreck, I've definitely not been called worse 🙃 its called being a people pleaser and dont like confrontation so its better on my mental health to just say yes, obviously wasnt better in this case.
You can think something isnt right and all sounds odd or whatever but it took a lot for me to post and you and a lot of others haven't exactly helped or been supportive, rather insult me and call me a bad mother and childish ect.
I accept the fact I have played a part in being wrong and I didn't mean to come across as rude with the breakfast date but she was aware it was already arranged and she had no issues with this, but definitely noted since and has been learnt from

@TheQuaintTealSeal still avoiding the questions about your aunt flying out.....

Which i never asked for! Actively tried stopping it from happening and said there was no need, probably just lack of sleep talking at the time but she showed up anyway, which it was nice to spend time with her as I rarely see her but under no circumstances would I expect anyone to "bow down to me" and "to be looked after". She also used it as a chance to look more into moving over there which she has wanted to do for years.

I dont know the exact reason she flew out that's why. She only gave the reason "so we can have a good time and not be left alone in a foreign country not knowing where we are or anything" she also gave the reason of looking into real estate as she is hoping to move there in the near future now she has grown up kids

He hadn't been in well over 7 years (been together 7 years) so did think it would be good for us

Okay? Why ask for an answer then won't accept it 🙃

Doesn't surprise me that Lanzarote lady can't imagine someone flying out to see their niece from a place of support and concern given how much energy she's put into being awful to you on this post OP. You don't need to explain yourself to internet bullies.

She has mental health problems and no-one here knows the extent of them. They’re clearly significant enough for her mum to be so concerned as to ask a relative to get on a plane and check on her - something she’s been ridiculed and mocked for here. If she didn’t want to go on the holiday what on earth do you think gave her DH the right to try and persuade her against her better judgement ? What was stopping him from going by himself ? The point here, is that she didn’t want to go. If her MH issues are significant she probably thought she wouldn’t cope and she was clearly right. MH problems don’t preclude you from making your own decisions - he should have respected her judgement and then this whole sorry mess wouldn’t have happened.

Because his MH matters too, in hindsight he may have been better going alone.

I think it’s clear that aunty flew out at the request of mum, because mum was concerned about OP’s mental health - about which she knows far more than the people commenting here. Including you.

Apparently that’s totally wrong, he shouldn’t have done that.

So you’ve been away more recently than him?

So your aunt just cleared her diary, bought a flight, paid for a hotel, had spending money all put to one side, just so you could all have a nice time......

Of course he should have gone alone. OP didn’t want to go. So man decides woman isn’t capable of making decisions and has to make them for her. His mental health ? Now I’ve heard it all.

Absolutely, OP can stop posting at any time.

If someone mental health is that bad that they need another adult to fly out a day after landing, then maybe going on holiday isn't the best idea.

The reason was explained upthread. OP’s rang her mum because she was overwhelmed and upset, and the next thing aunty was at the hotel the following morning. Her mum is probably in a better position to know about OP’s mental health than randoms on the internet, and she obviously thought it necessary. And OP said upthread that Aunty is always up for a holiday in lanzarote.

EXACTLY. OP didn’t want to go. She likely knew her MH wasn’t good and DH talked her into it. Have you read the thread ?

How many of you could fly out tomorrow to support your neice?
Pay for a flight, hotel, spending money?
To support an adult?
How many could and would?

Yet she went to the trouble of getting herself and her daughter a passport.

I could but wouldn't in this case!

So you think he’s awful, not trying to enjoy a paid for holiday for them? The MIL gave them space to be alone a lot of the time by being in a separate hotel.

Maybe OP should LTB husband, how dare he try and get and encourage OP to go on a free holiday.

Go NC with the MIL, how dare she pay for a holiday for them all. Give them space etc.

Honestly, OP seems to be surrounded by truly awful people.

He would’ve also been wrong if he’d gone alone as week, I’m sure!