Anxious for MIL visit after holiday disaster

[TheQuaintTealSeal]

As in the title really.

I am really anxious and not looking forward to MIL visit this weekend but somewhat being made to attend, more of a how should i navigate this than AIBU.

A bit of back story (sorry this is a long one), MIL organised a holiday for us all (myself, DH, DD 14 months at the time and MIL and MIL new husband and grandparents from Ireland) back in February. it would have been our first time aboard together since being married for 4 years. We only had a month to get passports for myself and DD due to when we were told about the last minute holiday, which I must admit I didnt really want to go with a 14 month old and undealt with mental health issues but was convinced to go by DH. Flight was around 4am so as you can imagine not a lot of sleep for anyone and with a tired 14 month old, the start of the flight was horrendous and I was starting to get frustrated and overwhelmed with anxiety being on a busy plane with lots of people looking at me with the screaming of DD, DH moaning in my ear about her screaming and already not wanting to go anyway, so I raised my voice to my DD and husband to both stop in the panic of everyone looking.
FF to when we get there all started okay until we check in and the whole overwhelming situation I get a bit upset and really not wanting to be there and just wanted to fly back home, this was lack of sleep talking. Spoke with my mum as we are close ish hoping it would help (which i massively regret) and it somehow ended up with my aunt at our hotel door the very next morning, which i definitely did not ask for or want in the slightest.
MIL finds out about this and seemed okay about it, but barely spent any time with us or her DGC the whole week! We had 1 evening meal and 1 drink the entire week! Fair enough they also wanted to do their own thing but our daughter got sick and being first time parents the situation at the time and her state and being in another country, we were worried and tried to get hold of MIL. (Wasn't even in the same hotel, was a 10 minute taxi ride away but she's a pediatric childrens nurse), DH called many times but she didn't pick up so ended up with my aunt helping with what to do.

FF to flying home, we never went to the air port with MIL despite previous arrangements and they changed their seats to the front of the plane away from us, we were all booked together at the back before, didn't know of the change until we got on the plane.
When we arrived home at the airport we saw MIL walking briskly to the front of the terminal to get the bus to the car park, without even saying goodbye to her DGC.
We thought this was odd but carried on to the carpark on another bus.

This is where it gets nasty. MIL texts DH to say "sorry for not saying goodbye to DGC I was just pissed off with myself for her aunt turning up and I fully blame her for it and for ruining the holiday and I dont appreciate how she talks to my DGC and style of parenting". Now I dont think my DH really defended me and in effect said "we are the ones that deal with her 24/7 and we will parent how we see fit". I actually didn't know any of this for months until DH slipped up in an argument and said his mum didn't like me and sent me the screenshot of her message out of spite.

I'm so angry and upset over her comment and the fact that she acted nice to my face whenever we did see her for the whole week.

Now she hasn't visited in 6 months where usually it would be every month or so and NOW she wants to drop everything and let it be, and forget everything and wants to visit, and im expected just to forgive and forget, but I cant. I honestly saw this woman as a 3rd motherly figure and now im questioning everything.

How would you navigate this visit without causing confrontation or arguments as I cant handle it but dont want to be 2nd guessing if im being slagged off behind my back or be somewhere where im not wanted because im still being blamed and seen as a bad parent.
And yes I am aware my DH was also wrong in this.

Shall I just forget everything as I was in the wrong with raising my voice and not trying harder for my aunt not to rock up or am I right to still be annoyed and hurt by all this.

Well that’s sorted that hyperbole out!

Thank you for your kind words and support, I didnt expect this much backlash and for the majority to confirm Im a bad mum and cannot seem to navigate life, im 25 and have a mental condition that doesn't allow me to regulate my emotions properly and they can feel extreme compared to how a "normal" person would feel with the same emotion. If you deal with a toddler by yourself 24 hours a day you can get over stimulated and I didnt exactly shout i just raised my voice, the plane was loud and wasnt loud enough to make anyone look or comment, she was just screaming non stop, never heard her screaming like that and I just got over whelmed and I hadn't slept in over 24 hours.

Maybe there's a reason those people hear it a lot 🤷

You were overwhelmed and massively overreacted.

You buckle up, get over it and move on. No one comes out of this story well at all.

Please filter out the comments on this thread, it's a weird anomaly! You are doing a great job. Motherhood is hard, it sounds like you're doing a lot on your own, you've got this. Everyone raises their voice sometimes! The fact that you have the self awareness to know you did suggests you're doing well. Chat to your mum or auntie for advice on MIL, and just keep believing in yourself.

She didn't stay in a more expensive hotel, she actually booked and paid for everyone and things were planned during the holiday but obviously never happened but I get we dont have to be around each other 24/7

Glad you came back OP. I think a few of us on here were equally not expecting the backlash and finding it hard to fathom. It’s as if nobody has ever lost patience with a situation before, or buckled under pressure. I hope you can take the support that some of us are giving you here and can resolve things with your MIL .

So you say only one meal and drink, but other stuff was planned but didn’t happen, were you included in those plans? Did you decide not to join in?

You need to get on some meds or have a meds review for your MH issues, this is mad.

Sorry, she also paid for you all and you began the holiday moaning because it was a 4am start??

Which bit is mad? I have no MH issues right now but at 4am with a screaming baby, on a holiday I didn't want to be on, and a husband complaining about the baby screaming, I may well raise my voice.

She hasn't been in contact with my husband for 5.5 months until magically popping up wanting to visit..

Theres a lot more to this than her apparently snapping on a plane.

Have you tried to contact her?

Which bit though? Genuinely.

The no contact for that length of time and then popping up like nothings happened alone would make me do the polite but distant thing. I really don't like people that blow hot and cold.

I wonder if certain posters are feeling a bit silly now it's been confirmed that the crap they made up was actually made up. MIL did pay for everything and the aunt didn't just happen to be around the corner but actually took a plane to the hotel!

I think they didn't happen because OP's little one was ill during the holiday so she, DH and auntie focused on looking after her.

Are you sure? When did she send the texts? Why has your DH not made contact with his DM?

But did OP or her DH contact MIL? It’s a two way relationship!

Oh they were so sure it was that Aunt was round the corner, what possible other explanation could there be.

Er, no. I was one of those posters and no, I wasn’t sure if Aunt was round the corner or got on a plane - I just couldn’t work out why, if a plane journey was needed, OP’s mum wasn’t the one to go, if she was so concerned. And nowhere in the OP was it made clear that MiL paid for the holiday - OP said she arranged it , and OP and her family were staying in a different hotel. No detail as to who paid for what until the update. So wind your smug neck in.

Someone buying you something you don't want, without consulting you, that gets you and your baby up in the middle of the night, is not a gift.

I still can’t see what was so apparently unhinged about the OP’s behaviour? I realise I’m in the minority here but all I can conclude from the OP’s post is that she was under a lot of pressure and acted as a normal person under pressure might. The whole situation sounded fraught and, not surprisingly, it ( not theOP) put pressure on people’s relationships and they fell out. Surely not the most outlandish thing to ever happen in a family.

Why would they ? Nothing the OP said was clarified until her update. Still doesn’t make any sense that auntie would get on a plane - why didn’t OP’s mum go herself if she was so concerned ?