Train etiquette

[EmJA85]

Was getting the train back to London from a day out in Folkestone yesterday with my husband and my 1 year old. It’s not possible to book seats on that line. We arrived at the platform 30mins early because we knew it would be busy. As soon as the train arrived people literally pushed us out of the way to get on. Then there was a man with 2 bikes by the door, we couldn’t attempt to move to another carriage because we wouldn’t get on and the trains only run once an hour. People tutted and moaned because I was having trouble getting on. There wasn’t space to keep the buggy up so I had to carry him and people thought it was acceptable to let me stand holding a 12kg toddler, he can’t walk yet and is very energetic. I spoke out and was given a seat but everyone gave me dirty looks as if I was in the wrong. If I rocked up late or if seats were assigned I would say fair enough but I was there early and they all pushed in front. The icing on the cake was the seat I was given was in the area with the tables so he was given a makeshift drum and thought it was a social event so he proceeded to babble at everyone for the hour , people were not impressed. Is there an unwritten rule that you don’t get trains with kids? I don’t have a car

While actual pushing is out of order, even more so when you’re holding a baby, regulars on that service know that not everyone gets on. As you said, people got left behind so everyone’s concentrating on themselves getting on. The pushing might not have been those directly behind or next to you as they could see you had the baby, it’s more likely those pushing at the back and creating the domino effect. I don’t think there’s any answer on these local services. The trouble is that some ‘local services’ have journey times over an hour now and having to stand and jostle all that time for me (old and creaky) and you (baby and buggy) is not pleasant.

I'd be willing to bet they had the buggy up, wanted to get on with the buggy up and were making a dramatic faff about having to fold it so people jumped on past them while they were folding the buggy dramatically. Then they huffed and puffed about the fact that they'd had to fold the buggy - and people were just annoyed with them for that. But yep, a seaside train heading back on a summer weekend afternoon - was always going to be shite.

Trains are shite. If at all possible - get the slow train in future - much more civilised and worth the hit to journey times. I used to do that when I commuted by train each day as the 30 minutes extra was worth my sanity.

I have generally asked the station person on the platform which carriages will be best to aim to get on. The lady at Coventry has always been very helpful in her guidance, which usually includes where to stand to be in the right place for the door.

Why not just move on OP rather than complaining?

You invented a weird etiquette about early arrivals. People then behaved poorly. You have a DH who doesn’t sound the most helpful. These things happen.

I commuted into London from Croydon in the late 70s. The mayhem getting on a train at East Croydon was so awful, I took to getting the slower train that started at West Croydon. It was worth an extra 10 minutes on the train to avoid the mayhem.

When I were young growing up in Folkestone, there were three stations and it would have been possible to get on at the Junction before the Central one. But get it out of use and send everyone to the one in the interests of ,presumably, efficiency and what happens? Chaos.
I have often had the thought that the people who design train times should be reqruited from model railway enthusiasts. They often have had RL experience and certainly a respect for what trains are for,

Coast bound trains on hot weekend days are absolute hunger games territory.

It’s not your fault but the train companies aren’t generally able to put on extra carriages in hot weather when everyone simultaneously decides to go to the beach. It’s just how it is.

Uhuh, you continue to think that's true.
Enjoy your day. 🤢

There are some really unfair posts on here. I think there is something wrong with a society that doesn’t show compassion for someone who may need a bit more help. Train culture is very selfish and that isn’t a good thing. This behaviour would not occur in many other countries.

OP, it’s a shame you had to ask for help but I wouldn’t give it too much headspace. It will make you a better person if you notice when others are struggling in the future and if you offer them a seat. I try to do that too as I know it can be difficult travelling with a baby. Be the change!

It was a Saturday and wasn't at rush hour.

Eh, which country are you referring to?
People push to get on wherever trains are busy.

Honestly OP - you were trying to get on a very busy train, from a packed platform with your buggy still up?!
Next time have it collapsed in advance and you will find everything much easier.

Faffing. By your own admission, the platform was too crowded. You knew the train was going to be busy. Did you think you were going to be able to take up space in the doorway with it and prevent others being able to get on? You should have had the buggy folded and ready to board. That’s why people were “pushing past” you. It isn’t other travelers fault your son can’t sit still without being strapped into his buggy. If you can’t carry him, your husband can, or you share the load. Then you moaned at someone til you got a seat and your let your son make the journey more miserable by being loud. “I wasn’t going to stop him talking” - empathy works both ways.

We’ve been in the situation with our wheelchair user daughter when she was little. If we’d seen how busy it was we’d have said let’s go get a coffee and get the next train. If that wasn’t an option, we folded her wheelchair and I sat on the floor with her.

Nobody owes you anything. Other people want to get home too. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency for them.

I’m sorry people are being so rude to you , you do not deserve it.

No YANBU. People are rude on trains . I remember being on a train with my son when he was younger, stood by the doors as it was so busy - he’s autistic and it was pretty obvious .. he had ear defenders on , he has a lanyard , he was screaming , crying , hitting himself and biting himself whilst shouting that he wanted to sit down . People were quick to stare at him , tut and roll their eyes but not one person offered him a seat. We eventually got a seat about an hour into the journey and he was calm and quiet the rest of the way. It was horrendous .

People were rude to push in front of you and rude to not offer you a seat . It’s sad that it took you to have to ask for someone to do it. I would offer my seat to a child, someone who was holding a child, an elderly person etc without hesitation.

Also , I find it hilarious that people are saying you could have stopped your child hitting the table

YANBU. I live in a different part of the country to you, but do travel to both London and the South Coast fairly regularly.

Trains involve dealing with the public, so they'll never be perfect, but generally I find them ok where I live- people will usually give up seats for people with children and older people; and will help elderly people with their luggage or Mums with buggies.

I do find trains along the South Coast amongst the worst in the country- worse than where I live or London. They're basically giant sausage skins with few seats or luggage spaces and huge numbers of people trying to get in at each station- as you say people are often left on the platform.

It's probably a capacity issue- too many people on too few railway lines (thanks Dr Beeching).

Sweden. Was there with a wheelchair and no matter how busy the trains/buses were, people saw us and moved out of the way. They did the same for parents with buggies. People weren’t pushing to get on and despite their hatred of queuing, it was all very organised.

Travelling on trains when it is busy is hell! I'm not sure there is any etiquette. In my experience pushing past others is the norm, as is hogging extra seats with bags, eating stinky food, being drunk shouting and swearing, blocking the way and eye rolling and tutting when someone tries to get through. It's generally a miserable place, I don't think your baby making noise would have made any difference to the mood of the other passengers.

Doesn't this stop at Ashford? I find a lot of people get out at Ashford. That being said there were loads of people going up to an arsenal game on that line yesterday.

It is etiquette to let those coming off a train off first then let the new passengers get on in an orderly (not pushing, wait your turn) manner. In reality it’s different, especially during peak hours and crowded platforms.
I’ve had to take a toddler on a tube with a pushchair and found no one is going to help (I’m referring to getting up and down stairs as not usually a lift or esculator) but will brush past you. The odd one who did help I’m very grateful for. But some people: I’ve gotten on a Eurostar train and struggled to manoeuvre the pushchair on it (no crowd at all) after finally doing it I looked up to see a train guard just casually watching me from a few feet away waiting for me to get on.
Im glad to say my (22) son will be the first to help anyone with a pushchair or bags and will instantly give up his seat to anyone he feels needs it.

Her son is one. If you want to stop a baby babbling at that age, you’d have to gag them. Although clearly for some posters this would have been the correct etiquette.

This is a difficult one! I am torn as their behaviour wasn’t pleasant but I don’t feel you were we’ll prepared. I’m heavily pregnant. I also have a toddler.

You don’t know anyone else’s circumstances so I would never expect to be seated. I would have done what you did though and tried to be as prepared as possible and got there early to ensure we got seats. I’m not sure how people pushed passed you. I would have said something and pushed back!

I traveled last week with my toddler. I couldn’t put the pram down because I was on my own and couldn’t risk toddler wandering off. I had to find part of the carriage by the door which wasn’t being used to park the buggy, the disabled bit was free but we’re not disabled so I wouldn’t dream of using this!

Anyway I found a space for the buggy then moved down the train heavily pregnant to find a seat for me and toddler. While moving. We found seats. We travelled for 40minutes looking out the window chatting about what we could see and eating snacks. He was no bother. When he was younger I took snack and toys - once the amazement of the train wore off. It is my job to keep him entertained. It sounds like you were ill prepared what did you expect your child to to all that time? Of course he was going to drum on the table he was bored. I am sure you would have felt less stressed if you’d been better prepared for journey.

I do agree pushing you isn’t nice but stand your ground.

A disabled person in a wheelchair is entirely different than a buggy though.
OP isn't disabled. AFAIK neither is her toddler or husband.

I’m 56 and travelled birmingham to liverpool last year, due to a disruption the train was busy when i got on. Me and a random teenager ended up sat on the floor - we had a lovely chat on the way.

We had paid for a seat - as we all do! I did not complain.

I don't think anyone is too bothered about baby babbling, it was probably more the faffing and holding folk up, or attempting to, at the door.