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Original poster

Train etiquette

684 replies

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 10:41

Was getting the train back to London from a day out in Folkestone yesterday with my husband and my 1 year old. It’s not possible to book seats on that line. We arrived at the platform 30mins early because we knew it would be busy. As soon as the train arrived people literally pushed us out of the way to get on. Then there was a man with 2 bikes by the door, we couldn’t attempt to move to another carriage because we wouldn’t get on and the trains only run once an hour. People tutted and moaned because I was having trouble getting on. There wasn’t space to keep the buggy up so I had to carry him and people thought it was acceptable to let me stand holding a 12kg toddler, he can’t walk yet and is very energetic. I spoke out and was given a seat but everyone gave me dirty looks as if I was in the wrong. If I rocked up late or if seats were assigned I would say fair enough but I was there early and they all pushed in front. The icing on the cake was the seat I was given was in the area with the tables so he was given a makeshift drum and thought it was a social event so he proceeded to babble at everyone for the hour , people were not impressed. Is there an unwritten rule that you don’t get trains with kids? I don’t have a car

OP posts:
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Original poster
EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 15:06

Pluvia · 10/08/2025 15:05

OP was saying she couldn't reserve a seat. I found her an option that allowed her to reserve a seat.

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Please send. Would be genuinely useful, not even joking.

regular travelers on this line have confirmed that seats aren’t assigned. Trainline makes it look like they are but they’re not

OP posts:
Livpool · 10/08/2025 15:08

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/08/2025 11:02

One man had 2 bikes? (missing point entirely …..).

For those saying they’re irritated by families who travel during rush hours, I think it’s a perfectly reasonable expectation to go to a seaside town on a Saturday and not be shoved out of the way by rude people.

Exactly! As a society, the UK is pretty shit for children and families. I don’t understand it

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 15:10

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 14:58

He can’t stand or walk. He’s 14months

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He didn't need to - one of you hold him, one hold folded buggy.

Makingitupaswegoalong · 10/08/2025 15:11

OneNeatBlueOrca · 10/08/2025 10:45

It's public transport. What did you expect. Your child does not pay a fare and their buggy took up the space of about 2-3 adults standing

The adults with bikes had paid a fare but you objected to their bikes but you had a buggy.

You expected train etiquette to give way to you? Good luck.

Edited

This about sums up the British attitude to children.

Original poster
EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 15:12

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 15:10

He didn't need to - one of you hold him, one hold folded buggy.

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Exactly, the act of holding him lands me in the category of eligible for priority seating

OP posts:
GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 15:12

Goldbar · 10/08/2025 14:46

If your child can't walk yet, he's not a toddler.

Edited
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OP referred to him as 'a 12kg toddler'.

TaborlinTheGreat · 10/08/2025 15:13

YANBU. What the hell is the matter with people?! Children are people too. People with children have a right to get on trains to wherever they like at whatever time of day they like. Nobody should be pushing in front of anyone. If they hadn't been pushing, the OP would have got the seat she needed.

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 15:14

TigerRag · 10/08/2025 14:46

Before buses had low floors there was a route I took and there was usually a lady with a pram folded up and her toddler. There was always someone willing to help her either take the toddler or pram

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I wasn't unwilling as such, just surprised she'd asked me tbh. I helped, even though it actually made it a lot more difficult for me.
I also wrote this reply in response to someone saying that nobody would randomly hand me a baby...✌️

Original poster
EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 15:14

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 15:12

OP referred to him as 'a 12kg toddler'.

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I did , yes all factual thanks. He’s big, 92nd percentile and weighs 12kg. He is 14 months which in terms of the nhs makes him a toddler

OP posts:
Makingitupaswegoalong · 10/08/2025 15:14

We had similar on a train back from London yesterday. You just have to brace yourself and expect everyone to be terrible. Children have every right to exist in society.

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 15:16

Imisscoffee2021 · 10/08/2025 14:47

Priority seating is at the end of the rows in all carriages, near the door as standard on these trains.

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Yes, but did OP look for it and see if there was space?

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 15:16

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 15:12

Exactly, the act of holding him lands me in the category of eligible for priority seating

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....and did you look and see if any of the priority seating was an option?

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 15:17

TaborlinTheGreat · 10/08/2025 15:13

YANBU. What the hell is the matter with people?! Children are people too. People with children have a right to get on trains to wherever they like at whatever time of day they like. Nobody should be pushing in front of anyone. If they hadn't been pushing, the OP would have got the seat she needed.

If OP hadn't been faffing she could have stepped right on too. 🫣

JaneEyre40 · 10/08/2025 15:18

Jackiepumpkinhead · 10/08/2025 10:56

I’m not sure what day you travelled but it drives me mad when parents with kids (during the holidays) use the trains at rush hour. And then act so surprised that the trains are absolutely packed. Wish they’d use some common sense. In your case, there’s no train etiquette any more, it’s every man and woman for themselves, unfortunately.

Sometimes people with kids need to use the train at rush hour! Bringing kids to and from nursery! So sorry it upsets you 🙄

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 15:18

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 15:14

I did , yes all factual thanks. He’s big, 92nd percentile and weighs 12kg. He is 14 months which in terms of the nhs makes him a toddler

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I was replying to someone who told me your child wasn't a toddler, stating that you'd actually used that term.

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 15:19

Makingitupaswegoalong · 10/08/2025 15:14

We had similar on a train back from London yesterday. You just have to brace yourself and expect everyone to be terrible. Children have every right to exist in society.

Who has said children can't exist?

JaneEyre40 · 10/08/2025 15:20

Makingitupaswegoalong · 10/08/2025 15:11

This about sums up the British attitude to children.

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Agreed.

Original poster
EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 15:21

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 15:16

Yes, but did OP look for it and see if there was space?

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Yes, of course 😜There were 2 lots of those so 8 seats near where I got on

OP posts:
Original poster
EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 15:21

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 15:18

I was replying to someone who told me your child wasn't a toddler, stating that you'd actually used that term.

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Appologies

OP posts:
GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 15:22

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 15:21

Yes, of course 😜There were 2 lots of those so 8 seats near where I got on

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So they were occupied by other priority users?

RafaFan · 10/08/2025 15:22

Considering this is mumsnet, a community of parents, people are giving the OP an incredibly hard time. It's not over the top or entitled to expect basic courtesy, like not being shoved out of the way, when boarding a train. A parent with toddler in arms is vulnerable, in the same way a pregnant woman, or someone with impaired mobility would be. Doesn't mean they don't have the right to use public transport.

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 15:26

RafaFan · 10/08/2025 15:22

Considering this is mumsnet, a community of parents, people are giving the OP an incredibly hard time. It's not over the top or entitled to expect basic courtesy, like not being shoved out of the way, when boarding a train. A parent with toddler in arms is vulnerable, in the same way a pregnant woman, or someone with impaired mobility would be. Doesn't mean they don't have the right to use public transport.

It's also not a big ask to collapse a buggy before entering the train, and one parent can take that while finding seats and the other carries the child. Stopping to fold the buggy at the door, or attempting to take it on unfolded (unless absolutely necessary) will cause delays at a busy train door.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 10/08/2025 15:26

MadinMarch · 10/08/2025 13:46

Blimey! You're very entitled! You do realise that people with young children also need to be at places at defined times, not always set by them?

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Of course, but most of them are obviously on day trips out, and it would be much more comfortable for them if they travelled outside of peak hours. It’s the same for me when I avoid driving in school drop off and pick up times, makes my life much easier. Nothing to do with entitlement.

Kirbert2 · 10/08/2025 15:29

RafaFan · 10/08/2025 15:22

Considering this is mumsnet, a community of parents, people are giving the OP an incredibly hard time. It's not over the top or entitled to expect basic courtesy, like not being shoved out of the way, when boarding a train. A parent with toddler in arms is vulnerable, in the same way a pregnant woman, or someone with impaired mobility would be. Doesn't mean they don't have the right to use public transport.

A parent simply holding a toddler is not the same as someone with impaired mobility.

RamblingEclectic · 10/08/2025 15:31

Some people on trains are horrible, like those who pushed you, and some are oblivious. Train companies cutting back on carriages does seem to amplify the horrible ones.

Also, some people may just be tired and simply looking over to your child because of the noise rather than thinking anything malicious.

I get the appeal of going on with the child in the buggy if that's what you are used to. I wouldn't consider it good public transport etiquette though. It takes a lot more space in a shared space, and the accessible space is very limited.

Even with a folded buddy, trains tend to be a nightmare though - I tried it once on a train with an older disabled child for what was a long day of walking & never wanted to deal with it on a train again. At that age/size/state of development, my kids were in carriers for any public transport. A good toddler carrier was magic for my husband and I as neither of us drive, and had a lot of family care to do that required travel with the little ones in tow.

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