Train etiquette

[EmJA85]

Was getting the train back to London from a day out in Folkestone yesterday with my husband and my 1 year old. It’s not possible to book seats on that line. We arrived at the platform 30mins early because we knew it would be busy. As soon as the train arrived people literally pushed us out of the way to get on. Then there was a man with 2 bikes by the door, we couldn’t attempt to move to another carriage because we wouldn’t get on and the trains only run once an hour. People tutted and moaned because I was having trouble getting on. There wasn’t space to keep the buggy up so I had to carry him and people thought it was acceptable to let me stand holding a 12kg toddler, he can’t walk yet and is very energetic. I spoke out and was given a seat but everyone gave me dirty looks as if I was in the wrong. If I rocked up late or if seats were assigned I would say fair enough but I was there early and they all pushed in front. The icing on the cake was the seat I was given was in the area with the tables so he was given a makeshift drum and thought it was a social event so he proceeded to babble at everyone for the hour , people were not impressed. Is there an unwritten rule that you don’t get trains with kids? I don’t have a car

Ah, so you expect families to accommodate your travelling times? Perhaps you could post your schedule?

There is no etiquette to getting on the platform early to getting onto the train first. Just luck your standing closest to the door of a carriage when the train stops.

Unfortunately, OP, going to the seaside on the train on an August Saturday when it's great weather is bound to be busy unless you go very early and come back late. People get anxious about not being able to get on trains and can be a bit pushy. It wasn't personal, they just wanted to be sure of getting on and not getting stuck there for an hour. It would have been great if someone had helped you with the buggy, but it's nothing personal that they didn't.

I've just tried booking the fast train from St Pancras via Trainline and it offered me booking options that included reserving seats. So next time you might want to check that out.

Well if they're travelling peak commuter times maybe. I don't tend to see regular parents with dc travelling an hour into London on the peak trains though. I am both though, so I do realise that some parents travelling with children at the weekend will also being thoroughly fleeced by southeastern during the week too.

OK - I take it back about being able to reserve seats. However, in my defence, my posts were based on two recent trips on that very train, plus I checked on Trainline.

My bad.

A toddler isn't 'a babe in arms'. 🫣

Nice bit of xenophobia there @NidaNearby
It’s the Londoners - many of whom are relatively new to the UK and don’t understand British train etiquette conventions - who are the problem. They’re the ones pushing and jostling.

He’s one? So he completely qualifies. The picture does not specify the age. She was carrying him. In her arms. Just like in the picture.

And I said ‘baby in arms’ not ‘babe’

People are animals on UK trains. Everyone bolts to the doors (past people who have been waiting patiently) on my daily London commute. Quite why they're desperate to sit down right before they sit down at desks all day, I don't know.

A toddler isn't a babe in arms.

Why are you booking with Trainline? They charge booking fees. Train operating companies (TOCs) don't

I preferred a seat because I had a job where I was on my feet at least 80% of most days (not in a shop, somewhere slightly more dangerous lol). I tried to travel earlier or later than standard rush hour (0745-0930/1630-1830 where I lived when I commuted more) but it wasn't always possible.

You're the minority by far, though. Most people are (sadly) genuinely just dicks.

I find the train the best type of public transport for my child who is a wheelchair user. Never had any issues or dirty looks.

Buses on the other hand are a different story.

I honestly wonder how you get through life with such selective reading tbh. Let's leave it there, I'm fed up explaining simple concepts.

For your education x

And no Mumsnet she absolutely offered, and was very happy to do it

Indeed. I'm a granny and I'd love to be handed a scrummy baby to chat to on the train. (Provided the child was in good spirits that is)

There is no such thing anymore. We live in a society where people do not have consideration for others any more, it’s every man and woman for themselves now.

just read social media feeds where people boast about how they refused to give up their seat for a disabled person or a pregnant woman or to allow a family to sit together. The support is always for the self righteous person who made others suffer to make a point

Oh the irony. You are attempting to educate others now? Really?
Did you locate the carriage with the priority seating then?

I'd hate it.
We're all different.

I've just tried booking the fast train from St Pancras via Trainline and it offered me booking options that included reserving seats. So next time you might want to check that out

As we're 16 pages in I guess you haven't seen the many of us, who live on this line, saying this isn't the case. Just letting you know so you're not disappointed. Trainline offers seat 'preferences' and requests, but on this particular line that is irrelevant because the train does not have any allocated seating. You might think you're reserving a seat, but you aren't, Trainline should sort it out. Most times it won't matter as there will be plenty of seats available.

No. It's an act of politeness and care in a civilised society. I probably wouldn't give up my seat since I am now old (and standing in a train aisle is no longer pleasant - though many years ago I stood all the way from Stoke to London) - it would depend on how stressed the mother looked.

wouldn’t be surprised if sites like this also attracted anti-natalists and incels , not implying they do or there are any on here btw . I’m speaking purely hypothetically

You had a partner with you, how are you expecting other people to help you when you’re struggling when you’re with someone? Plus you cannot go through life expecting people to help- I’m a single parent and these are the things I have to account for when doing things and going places as I know I have to do things alone.

also, you seem very entitled in the fact that you expect people to be accommodating to you. Trains are busy, people are just trying to go about their lives and are stressed on trains as it is. They don’t want to be trapped within two adults and a pram and have to be held up because you didn’t account for a buggy on the train. Advice - plan your journey to a T, especially if you have a small child on the journey