Train etiquette

[EmJA85]

Was getting the train back to London from a day out in Folkestone yesterday with my husband and my 1 year old. It’s not possible to book seats on that line. We arrived at the platform 30mins early because we knew it would be busy. As soon as the train arrived people literally pushed us out of the way to get on. Then there was a man with 2 bikes by the door, we couldn’t attempt to move to another carriage because we wouldn’t get on and the trains only run once an hour. People tutted and moaned because I was having trouble getting on. There wasn’t space to keep the buggy up so I had to carry him and people thought it was acceptable to let me stand holding a 12kg toddler, he can’t walk yet and is very energetic. I spoke out and was given a seat but everyone gave me dirty looks as if I was in the wrong. If I rocked up late or if seats were assigned I would say fair enough but I was there early and they all pushed in front. The icing on the cake was the seat I was given was in the area with the tables so he was given a makeshift drum and thought it was a social event so he proceeded to babble at everyone for the hour , people were not impressed. Is there an unwritten rule that you don’t get trains with kids? I don’t have a car

I think I’m just still coming to terms with how much of an inconvenience people with kids are made to feel. I was oblivious before, i would never roll eyes at a child, even before I became a mother

I don’t think you’re entitled, I just think you’re part of the very problem you’re complaining about. And your inconvenience could have been reduced, had you been in possession of more common sense. With that in mind, I’m not convinced that you’re capable of successfully getting on your soapbox.

I don't understand how you got yourself in that situation OP...

There were two of you.

All you needed to do is:

• you get on the train holding your child and try to get a seat for yourself and your husband
• while you husband gets on with the folded buggy and places it in a safe space and joins you. There are spaces to leave luggages on these trains (that's the line I use to travel to travel to London and back) or you can place things in the overhead space.

No drama needed.

Of course people will get annoyed if you are blocking the way and taking a long time to sort yourself out or if your child is really noisy during the journey.

Also you are not disabled, you are a parent...You can't expect people to automatically give you their seat.

For me the journey to London is 1.30 hour. I am 54 and the seats are expensive on this line. So I am afraid I would not get up for you and your kid.

I think you are confusing ‘psychic’ and ‘observant’.

Are there no priority seats on your line? Some have priority seats which include priority for parent and babe in arms, which your child is. Near the doors and just ask someone to let you sit there.

I know. It doesn’t fit. We are saying the argument that children don’t pay for their fares is a poor one.

In my extensive experience of using public transport including main line trains, I am not surprised by your experiences OP.
I have witnessed passengers with walking aids/ with young babies and children who are not offered a seat!
Truly unbelievable.

Oh the belief that we shouldn’t travel at rush hour is ridiculous. The last thing I want to do, is put myself through the pain but unfortunately there are times that we have no other choice

I can’t believe I am seeing people adamant that they wouldn’t help someone advocate for a seat on the basis that it isn’t their responsibility. Individualism in this country is wild and it’s amazing how many don’t appear to see how these attitudes filter into wider social and political contexts.

I also would not want you to put your health at risk, think that bit got lost in translation. I’m not the best with words so I take full responsibility for the confusion

I actually once was on a train and there was no seats but plenty of standing room as well as a dedicated buggy space. A woman got on with a baby in a buggy, parked the buggy in the space then got the baby out of the buggy to hold him and started shouting at the carriage when no one would let her sit down and how disgusting it was that she was left standing while holding a baby. The baby was perfectly content in its buggy. Why did she need to take it out? She just wanted a seat clearly. No one got up so she put it back in the buggy and got off at the next stop. It was quite bizarre.

Ab unfolded buggy/pram, unless completely avoidable (small baby, disabled child, maybe an exhausted child) is probably a no no on a busy train tbh.

Especially when there are two parents to manage the buggy and baby - unfolded is madness. Of course people are going to squeeze past as you then try to collapse a buggy. People aren’t going to stand behind you and wait because you were ‘first’

Thank you for this, I have just been looking at it. It’s difficult as DC can walk short distances but cannot stand for long. I think I am going to contact the train operator as we are travelling again soon and have been worried about it. There are never any staff at our local train station so need to contact them in advance. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

Agree. Got worse since lockdown I think. Sadly not the norm these days to think of anyone other than yourself! My little boy was bumped into by a woman getting off the bus, I had him by the hand but she took a big step to the side for some reason and he got shoved into the door and banged his head. She whipped around and I expected an apology but she blamed me because how was she supposed to know he was there?! And shouted that I should have been carrying him. Baffling.

Most people with buggies/prams would attempt to fold them before getting on the train though, unless absolutely unavoidable.

That’s bloody awful.

It fits perfectly.

Again, this reply wasn't to you, but to a specific earlier response (the one I quoted).

Your situation is completely different than OPs - I hope you get the help you need.

It doesn’t because the claim wasn’t people here are prioritising pets and bags over toddlers.
Just like we haven’t said that people who need a seat should be giving them up. Just like OP clearly talked about the attitude towards her and her child in addition to the seat. The last two sentences are addressing some of your other comments on here.

Wtf? That’s crazy. I’m sorry.

You're telling me why your point isn't relevant, not why mine isn't. Anyway.....

Right, now you've clarified, that is the bit of poor train etiquette.
It's really surprising that as a regular train user you genuinely thought that trying to manoeuvre an upright buggy onto a packed train was the best thing to do. They take longer to get on and take up so much floor space for the size of their inhabitants. When it's so busy on the platform that some people aren't going to get on at all, it's a very selfish thing to do.
If you then stopped at the door to collapse it, of course people were pushing past you if the alternative was that they stood and waited politely but then probably became one of the people who missed the train.

You can't. I get this train a lot. There are however, a lot of local stops.... It's not fast all the way to Stratford!! 🤣