Train etiquette

[EmJA85]

Was getting the train back to London from a day out in Folkestone yesterday with my husband and my 1 year old. It’s not possible to book seats on that line. We arrived at the platform 30mins early because we knew it would be busy. As soon as the train arrived people literally pushed us out of the way to get on. Then there was a man with 2 bikes by the door, we couldn’t attempt to move to another carriage because we wouldn’t get on and the trains only run once an hour. People tutted and moaned because I was having trouble getting on. There wasn’t space to keep the buggy up so I had to carry him and people thought it was acceptable to let me stand holding a 12kg toddler, he can’t walk yet and is very energetic. I spoke out and was given a seat but everyone gave me dirty looks as if I was in the wrong. If I rocked up late or if seats were assigned I would say fair enough but I was there early and they all pushed in front. The icing on the cake was the seat I was given was in the area with the tables so he was given a makeshift drum and thought it was a social event so he proceeded to babble at everyone for the hour , people were not impressed. Is there an unwritten rule that you don’t get trains with kids? I don’t have a car

I've been travelling by train with kids for years, no form of travel is perfect, give me a busy train over traffic jams any day

It's a reply to the strand of comments.

Swedish buses and trains are very busy, at least they are in Malmo, particularly at rush hour. 25% or journeys are made by public transport, 24% bike and 14% walking. Only 34% are made by car. Comparative figures for the UK are 8% for public transport, 33% by active travel and 59% by car.

Ok, thanks for that info.

I can’t believe some of the responses on this thread! That’s a terrible way to treat someone carrying a baby or toddler. I would have been annoyed and upset too OP.

I sympathise, I got on a train at my local station on a Saturday with my children and my disabled adult DC recently. It was extremely busy and we are not able to book seats.
My adult DC has a condition which means they can’t stand for long as they are likely to lose consciousness. There were no seats available so being unable to stand they had to sit on the floor amongst the crowds and were feeling nauseous and unwell (also symptoms of their condition).
I managed to get to the priority seating and explained the situation and asked people there if they would be willing to give up a seat. Nearly all said no, one man eventually said yes. I felt really bad having to ask and was met with a lot of blank looks but I wasn’t sure what else to do.

Is your head in the clouds? Plenty of people work Saturdays! 🙄

People can and do work on weekends. But the bigger thing to consider is that trains heading into London on a weekend are going to be busy because London is the capital city. It’s a tourist destination, people spend weekends there, there’s a lot of desirable things to do etc so the non-Londoner crowd are more likely to be off work and wanting to travel to London.

In my experience it’s always packed trying to get into London at a reasonable hour on a weekend. Maybe other cities or towns have quieter trains on the weekend, but with London there’s a significant amount of people still wanting to go out and about in London regardless of it not being a weekday

I sit in an aisle seat because as a short person by the window, when a taller person sits next to me I get squished into the corner. If you want that seat, just ask for it, what’s the problem?

No, to clarify for those interested, I had not folded the buggy because the plan was to stand and keep him in the buggy. I assumed that would be the least intrusive way of traveling as that is what I usually do. I didn’t predict that there would be 2 bikes and no buggy space so I agree that was my own fault, I need to work on my psychic skills. I will definitely be more prepared next time and make sure I don’t inconvenience anyone. Buggy will be folded going forward. I didn’t realise that it should be , you live and learn

There you go then. That’s the missing train etiquette that you were looking for.

Fold the buggy before you try to board a packed train which is standing room only.

The pushing to get on the train was unacceptable, but so is expecting someone to give up their seat for you. You chose to have a child, and you chose to take the train, so you need to take responsibility for yourself instead of expecting strangers to sacrifice for you.

I have noted your kind advice and I am willing to work on myself and my personal faults going forward 🙏🏻

So people weren’t annoyed with you, they just decided to push past, give you dirty looks, and tut because….I dunno, it was a Saturday?

OP asks question, doesn't get the 100% response she wants. Takes massive offence at random strangers ....

It isn't OK, never has been, never will be, to push someone out of the way while boarding a train. But I'm another who questions if your buggy was folded as the doors opened and you found your way blocked with the guy with bicycles. You say you had to hold your child, you had to fold the buggy. You knew the train would be busy so you got there early. You say there were people on the platform that were not able to get on the train. That's going to mean that people are irritable and ratty - might not have been directed at you, but at the situation they found themselves in. Public transport, you have to take what you gets.

Every time I’ve gotten on a train it has been a little pushy. But (and it’s usually with my dog in tow) generally most folk are polite especially if you mumble a few ‘excuse me please’ at them.

The bus is a different matter - every night people who’ve been way behind in the queue will literally shove me out of the way. So I now just use my elbows and heels to show I was in front in the queue. But if I see a buggy or an elderly person or someone on crutches I will try and help them get on first.

You don’t need to be psychic. You just need not to be oblivious. You said the platform was mobbed. You would also have seen the approaching train was full of people. There would have been clues all around you.

Are you also going to work on making sure your husband is a willing participant. You still haven’t answered why he didn’t hold the child for the journey, or why you didn’t tag team between you. You expected a complete stranger to show you more courtesy than your husband did.

You are eligible for Passenger Assistance. You can book it in advance, if you nominate a particular train. Or you can request it on arriving a bit early. It can be a game-changer when it works well. Many staff put a lot of effort into coordinating and making it work.
[edit even a local station will offer the minimum - ramp, told where to stand, guard looking out for you etc]

Judging by the sarcastic tone in which you have responded to many I would say people were tutting and giving looks more in the manner you spoke out. Did you faff and just assume someone would give up a seat for you? If there were 2 of u DH should have buggy folded ready to board and you walk on you didn't need your psychic skills to see the platform was busy travelling from a seaside town and during the school holidays unfortunately with no reservation there doesn't seem to be much train etiquette these days

this is a common occurrence, I’ve seen it and I think it’s very very wrong, which is why I’m speaking up. People are taking it as me being “entitled” but I’m speaking up , not just for me, for others who won’t speak up. I’m trying to say that society needs to do better , for everyone, I know I’m not special, never claimed to be. Personally, I do offer people seats and I do offer to help people who I think may need it with bags buggies etc and there are people who do.

Exactly. OP is making passive aggressive comments such as becoming psychic. When in reality she said the platform was packed and many people didn’t even manage to get on the train and were left on the platform. You don’t need a crystal ball to realise it was a busy time to travel.

Train etiquette: position yourself on the platform where you hope a door will be. As the train comes try and move toward a door. Don't barge people out of the way. Don't need to be overly polite; saying "no no after you". No one will know who got to the platform first. Once on the train move quickly to an available seat. If you have a pram collapse it. Try not to travel on public transport with a massive pram or one you can't collapse. Bike owners are a law unto themselves but I've never been bothered by one. Toddlers welcome but not if they are screaming or banging. Parents to control their dc at all times. This is just life.

Why are so many people defending their right to behave in such a horrible way? And why is queuing such a ridiculous idea? We queue for everything else don't we? And we don't walk down a busy street randomly pushing people out of the way.

And I do think that people with babies and toddlers should get special treatment because it's such hard work. But then, I think everyone should be respected. If you can't give up your seat because you have a hidden disability, then you should just politely say that you're sorry but need to sit. If people were kinder the whole experience would be nicer for everyone, including the awful people on this thread. I know that's not going to happen but there's nothing wrong with saying that it should happen.