Train etiquette

[EmJA85]

Was getting the train back to London from a day out in Folkestone yesterday with my husband and my 1 year old. It’s not possible to book seats on that line. We arrived at the platform 30mins early because we knew it would be busy. As soon as the train arrived people literally pushed us out of the way to get on. Then there was a man with 2 bikes by the door, we couldn’t attempt to move to another carriage because we wouldn’t get on and the trains only run once an hour. People tutted and moaned because I was having trouble getting on. There wasn’t space to keep the buggy up so I had to carry him and people thought it was acceptable to let me stand holding a 12kg toddler, he can’t walk yet and is very energetic. I spoke out and was given a seat but everyone gave me dirty looks as if I was in the wrong. If I rocked up late or if seats were assigned I would say fair enough but I was there early and they all pushed in front. The icing on the cake was the seat I was given was in the area with the tables so he was given a makeshift drum and thought it was a social event so he proceeded to babble at everyone for the hour , people were not impressed. Is there an unwritten rule that you don’t get trains with kids? I don’t have a car

Right, I wouldn't put my own health at risk for anyone - sorry if that sounds harsh but needs must.
Also, it wasn't just a mother and baby - there was a father too, who could have gone in ahead and secured a seat for one adult and the child.

Quite.

you are a parent. Grow a thicker skin
I have never, as a girl, young woman or now, let people push me around.

Is there a reason you were holding the heavy kid and your husband wasn't?

It's shit that people were so pushy and rushing for seats, I have a toddler and been getting trains all over London and Scotland, and have found you have to really prep for getting on and off with least amount of time or you do either hold the crowd up or they surge over you! I always fold the buggy and hold the kid just before train is due and then can stride on with purpose when doors open. Saying that, the train journey you describe is a super busy one, people will have been out in sun all day, and behaviour can be less than kind! Bit like the Brighton to London at that time.

The priority seats at end of the carriage are for people with disabilities, pregnant women, old people and people with children in arms so someone there unless needing it themselves should have given it to you. I think you had bad luck with the bikes there, but also if this was South Eastern the vestibule are minute so space is crap, I used to get South West all the time when I lived in Surrey and they have so much more room for some reason.

Did you mean to write that you were faffing or that you weren't faffing?

I don't think OP was surprised by the busyness, but more people's reactions. I had to get a 6pm train on my day off with my toddler the other day and my experience was the same as the OP's - even though we were taking up the minimum amount of (standing) room and being quiet, we still had plenty of pass agg glaring, tutting etc. from commuters. I'm quite heavily pregnant and I think that plus toddler placed me firmly in the category of "silly mum out for a jolly" whatever our reason for being there 👍🏻

I wasn't surprised at it being busy, no (I commute the rest of the week) and we also didn't have any other choice but to the travel at that time. Rush "hour" round here lasts from around 4.30pm to 7.30pm.

Grim how much of a downer Brits have on children just being out in public.

Sorry - was intending to quote this.

'Grim how much of a downer Brits have on children just being out in public.'

Nobody has said OPs child shouldn't be out in public.

I've been travelling the train route through Folkestone Central to Stratford/London St Pancras for years and, to the best of my knowledge, OP is correct. You CANNOT book seats in these Southeastern trains.
And I agree with her- train etiquette is pretty poor these days. With a toddler in your arms, you would be entitled to a Priority Seat- usually 4 per carriage specifically for elderly/ disabled/ people carrying infants. But good luck in getting one of these- they seem to be fair game for anyone ( plus their bag which apparently needs a separate seat to itself, next to its owner).
And don't get me started on the irritating people who blithely listen to loud phones/tablets without headphones.

Your child does not pay a fare

And what about it??

Brilliant advice. Thank you xxx

Some folk, rightly or wrongly, will view that as not being as entitled to a seat. It's a view I've seen expressed my times, by people of all ages.

Exactly. Neither do dogs or bikes or suitcases 🤣 perhaps there needs to be a third class carriage to lob all the people/animals/objects in that haven’t personally paid a fare.

You are entitled to a seat on the train with a toddler. They even have signs and I wish more mums would back this up instead of spouting childist crap because they think it makes them look different to “those parents”.

No you can't

Eh? Was it collapsed or not?
Your various replies indicate that it was and that it wasn't.

No, she fucking doesn't sound entitled or hardwork.

Obviously many people work on Saturdays, but that's not standard Monday to Friday 9-5 hours that causes rush hour. People are being deliberately obtuse on this thread.

People definitely shouldn’t be pushing to get on. 100%. Physical pushing (rather than sidestepping which is fair game) is never OK.

However, they do in the real world, and definitely don’t stand queuing politely in the order they arrived.

I feel like whilst the pushing was wrong, you and your husband could have tag teamed this better. Had the buggy folded before getting on, with one holding the toddler. Usually if there is a husband/ father about they are able to hold back the tide of pushers and get their partner and child to a seat if they try to.

I wonder if the tutting was you taking time doing these things on the train whilst seats filled up from the opposite side.

So an element of unrealistic expectations and an element of people being “every man for himself”. You can’t totally blame them when it’s a long journey with no stops and crowded.

I know and they are wrong. It’s a stupid argument to make.

If someone else is already in a seat, and also feels they need it, then a seat isn't guaranteed.

I think people everywhere have just got ruder TBH.My cousins friend was pregnant and commuted to London ,Normally smart dressed guys would blank her completely and she would have to stand most of the way home,Pushing and shoving is very rude and unacceptable .It seems every one for themselves sadly

I can see both sides depending on who else needs a seat tbh.

It does. And they may well do. Not used to getting this train so it’s good to know for next time

Like OP you mean, you know, the 'obtuse' element.

You and your toddler did nothing wrong. Brits are rude and miserable especially on trains. I’d have let him drum away