Partner’s best friend & constant passive aggressive remarks

[crazeepops]

I just feel as if OH’s best friend always picking on me and OH says nothing.

Examples:

”I cant believe your Mrs dosent have a car, she needs to have a car to take the kids out every day. I can’t believe this. Then compares me to a mutual fiends girlfriend claiming she drives her partner’s car and takes out baby few times a week and why can’t I drive etc.
This isn’t even true.

DC’s seems to get dirty ears a lot and as per NHS guidelines we don’t use ear buds and just clean the outside (GP advised this) and next thing he is saying “I can’t believe your Mrs neglects your son like this” etc.

Calling me lazy because I work part time.
His own partner has never worked a day in her life.

When DC was weaning I was told “I cannot believe DC has never eaten of your plate, you are really holding your child back”
First time parent, I am learning.

When hospitalised for a womb infection he told OH I was “over reacting” and it’s “normal”.
Even my OH thought I was making it up after listening to him.

The latest comment is about the fact I don’t feel feel comfortable sending DC to nursery and he has how saying I am “stopping DC progressing in life.”

I have told OH to refrain from repeating his comments to me as it just upsets me.
He evidently dosent like me, I don’t even know why as in the past I brought his birthday presents etc, let him stay with us when he was homeless etc.

AIBU to want to just cut him of?
As in not invite him round anymore and not making an effort?

Try: 'If I respected your opinion, I'd certainly bear that in mind.'

One way to not get wound up by it is to play Tosser Bingo. Make a list in your head of the criticisms and snide remarks he is likely to try and when he comes out with them, just tick them off your score card in your head. 'Negging my child care, how I run my home, something to do with my work, my appearance." Etc. It brings a genuine smile to your face when they are trying to undermine, and that annoys them.

Ask him if he fancies your dh and wants to marry him?

No one bad mouths their best friends partner unless the friend has been speaking disrespectfully about the person they are in a relationship with.

Your partner repeats it because that's what he thinks of you and he gets to express his contempt, errode your self esteem and confidence and then and blame his friend.

Even in the best case scenario where your partner is missing a sensitivity chip and enjoys the company of arseholes there is no reason for him to repeat what his friend says. A decent and respectful partner would have told his mate to shut up or fuck off long ago.

You have an OH issue here. If one of my husband's friends ever said anything negative or derogatory regarding me (not that any would), he'd go ballistic at them, and very firmly shut them down. Your OH isn't standing up for you, against his friend. He's meekly nodding his head and going along with his friend's opinion. Then to top it all off, your OH tells you about the derogatory remarks, rather than keeping them to himself!! Is this friend actually saying these things to your OH??? Or is this your OH's opinion, dressed up as his friend's??? Surely your OH can't be so stupid, to not realise himself, that repeating these comments to you, is going to upset you?? So, I'm leaning towards the comments being more of your OH opinion. I can't see any other reason why your OH would tell you, unless he's deliberately trying to hurt you. In which case, I'd be questioning the relationship, if he's deliberately trying to hurt and upset you.

No, that’s not the way too speak to someone, no matter how gross they are.There’s ways and means of getting your point across, without resorting to the worst language, that’s actually a derogatory term towards women! Just can’t understand why a woman, would use that word.

Tell your partner it's already causing tension and it's about time he decided who was the most important person in his life - you or this nasty piece of work.

And if he comes round while you're there - just walk out of the room and totally ignore him (or read him his fortune, which would be my preference)

I would ask him why he feels the need to constantly criticise you, that the information he is getting about your life is very skewed and you are fed up of your OH either repeating his nasty comments or him slagging you off to your face.
That will put the cat amongst the pigeons and I bet your OH won’t be happy you told his friend your feelings on the matter! It outs your OH and their reaction will confirm it.

@crazeepops

Woah. Why are you letting this asshole treat you like this?? Next time he says anything in your presence, tell him to shut the fuck up. And if your boyfriend passes anything on, tell him to tell his disgusting mate to fuck off.

But your main issue here is your boyfriend. You need to tell him that his mate is repulsive & a colossal twat & is absolutely no longer welcome in your home. Tell him he needs to show 100% loyalty to YOU with immediate effect. I would seriously consider my future with this man, otherwise.

Firstly I’d be pissed at DH for not defending me, but if someone did this to me I’d probably call him out in front of a large group. Something along the lines of “are you always picking fault with me because you want my husband? Is that what this is?”

But you need to bin your OH off he’s a fucking loser and a prick.

The friend is a dick. Your OH is pathetic and also a dick. Don't lower yourself to their level by bringing the friend's wife into the conversation. You're better than that. And the friend knows it.

I had a similar situation with my ex and his best mate. I saw right through him and distanced myself accordingly. I was shunned as a result and the behaviour became worse. So much so that at my ex's mum's funeral, his best friend very outwardly turned his back to me and stood there laughing with his mates. Vile human being. My ex never stuck up for me or told his mate off. I'm glad to be rid of the lot of them. Your OH really needs to get rid of people like this in his life, but clearly he's not going to do that.

Exactly this.

I didn’t think I’d need to make this explicit, but I was not seriously advocating shoving a Ninja Foodi up someone’s nostril. It would probably invalidate the warranty for a start.

Totally agree with this. All of it. Raise your bar op, your ‘partner’ isn’t on your side and he doesn’t respect you. The very notion that my husband would ever tolerate anyone speaking about me and our family, let alone endorsing it by repeating it, that way is so alien, and it should be for you too, you deserve better.

Absolutely this. Then come back and tell us what his face looked like when you said it.

Why doesn't your partner have your fucking back?

I would be telling your DP 'Gavin is a prick and I don't want him in my house. If your prick of a mate makes comments about me, or you, or the kids and you fail to tell him to fuck right off then that makes you a bit of a prick as well. I've decided that I will not have Gavin the Prick in my life at all - and I certainly don't want to hear his gems of wisdom from you. I'm at the stage of wondering whether I want you in your current role as Gavin the Prick's best friend in my life either. Have a little think about these things'.

How do you feel about your partner wanting to be friends with someone who has abandoned multiple children? Because thats horrific.

I have addressed all the valid points PP have made on here and all he said was “life is too short to care what anyone says, we have more then most people, as long as we don’t let people bring us down and don’t do bad to anyone.”

I told him I want this addressing with his best friend or next time he says something I am going to say something back.

His friend has made comments in my presence but laughs it of as a joke but I know it isn’t.

1000% this!!!!!!⬆️

This isn't passive aggressive it's aggressive aggressive. This guy has some good comebacks:
https://www.facebook.com/share/19YHrw8Ybd/

Ultimately though the real problem is your unsupportive and disloyal partner, as others have already said.

😂 yes, l realised you didn’t mean that literally.
I was referring to, you saying 'Oi cuntface’
I wouldn’t put up with a man, saying that, so why is it ok for a woman to say it.
As l said it’s such a derogatory word, aimed at women, just can’t understand why some women would say it.

Hang on, just reread your posts, this is his best friend?! Why is your DP best friends with someone who is so awful to you? How can he possibly want to be friends with him? Is he completely spineless? Does he look up to this guy? Does he not have any other friends? The fact that he hasn’t cut this guy out of his life completely just baffles me. You have a serious DP problem.

You're a doormat. Your partner is disrespecting you by being friends with him.

'life is too short' to spend it with someone who disrespects the woman you love, he should be told that.

He doesn't have your back, any man truly in love would as the Percy Sledge "When a Man loves a woman" song lyrics say: Turn his back on his best friend if he put her down.

I'd leave him over this. If you don't you have no self respect.

"When a Man Loves a Woman
Song by Percy Sledge ‧ 1966

Lyrics
When a man loves a woman,
Can't keep his mind on nothin' else,
He'd change the world for the good thing he's found.
If she is bad, he can't see it,
She can do no wrong,
Turn his back on his best friend if he put her down.
When a man loves a woman,
He'll spend his very last dime
Tryin' to hold on to what he needs.
He'd give up all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain,
If she said that's the way
It ought to be
Well, this man loves you, woman.
I gave you everything I have,
Tryin' to hold on to your heartless love.
Baby, please don't treat me bad.
When a man loves a woman,
Down deep in his soul,
She can bring him such misery.
If she is playin' him for a fool,
He's the last one to know.
Lovin' eyes can never see
When a man loves a woman
he can do her no wrong,
he can never hug
some other girl
Yes, When a man loves a woman
I know exactly how he feels,
'Cause baby, baby, you're my world
When a man loves a woman..."