Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

Ah yes , blackberry picking. Tbf I don’t consider that leaving the house as the field is right behind the bins. We go in flip flops and I don’t even bother to put a bra on , so doesn’t count.

This sounds pretty normal, there's no need to have super-organised days out with children all the time, though I know that some feel pressured to do it. It's nice for them to do all this everyday stuff when they're not at school all day, I'm sure that they enjoyed it. Mine certainly did. Parenting isn't a competitive sport.

And what if said severe SEN child cannot cope with the sensory overload being in public place? And has severe meltdowns, causing other parents to stare and judge, also causing distress to the other children around, including their own siblings? Do you really think thats going to result in a positive experience? When the children are begging to go home because the whole thing has been a complete disaster. You're looking at this through a very ignorant lens. I bet you're one of the first ones making judgemental comments if you happen to see a severely autistic child having a meltdown in public.

That’s why I said barring severe SEN. I completely understand why taking DCs with severe SEN out would be very difficult. I’m taking about those who don’t.

And I have ASD myself, I’m not going to make comments about others with ASD.

What you mean is that they don't do things the same way as you do? Surely that doesn't make them terrible? Different families, different children, different lives. They don't need excuses for doing things their way.

Does everyone have a nice park or a local library to take kids to?

Somewhere equally fun for a family with, say, an 8yo and a toddler and maybe a 5yo too?

And in truth, how much expansion of the mind really happens at the average park?

I agree with the sentiments of previous posters. Just because someone is not you, does not mean there is something wrong with them

How do you know they don't? There's a whole lot of undiagnosed children in the UK for a number of reasons, long waiting lists and covid backlog to name just two. You can't just look at a child and say "that child doesn't have SEN" because contrary to what many people believe, they don't wear a sign over their heads saying "Hi, I'm SEN".

My point is, don't judge when you don't know the full story. You never know what's going on in the background.

I think personally that children are overwhelmed with so many hobbies and activities nowadays. My 5 yo has swimming, ballet and gymnastics and we enjoy two summer holidays away and a few weekend breaks. However I don't feel guilty at all for not taking her out of the house every now and then as I believe that children also need to be bored to be creative, use their imagination during playtime even if they are by themselves and definitely down time and rest. On these days I see her taking out all her arts and crafts and actually playing with her toys.

But you don't have to buy ice creams or bits and bobs and you can take drinks. It just takes a tiny bit of forethought and organisation. As ever, the real answer is that for some it is laziness, can't be arsed, won't be fun for them (my ex), for others it will be travel issues, or health issues, or finances or a combination plus a genuine preference for an occasional quiet day, but let's not pretend that some of the reasons here are universally applicable and all stay at home types are great parents with a difficult situation. Sometimes people are just crap and lazy. What WE can't do though, usually, it tell one from the other. Doesn't mean they don't exist though.

Some people really do live in their own bubble. I'm assuming by that person's username they live in a London borough. As a Londoner myself, I have to say that some of us are so insular we forget that not everywhere is London, with loads of free things to do and options for cheap (free for kids) public transport. Some people live in rural areas where you cannot walk because the roads have no pavements. They don't have buses because the roads were literally designed for horses and carts. Some people don't/can't drive either for medical or financial reasons. And even for those who do, petrol is not cheap. Its very easy to forget these things when you live in a large town or city.

I grew up in poverty and we rarely did anything and honestly, it has never bothered me. It's just how it was. I read a lot and hung about with friends and it was fine. Now I'm a parent I try to do things with my daughter but I'm equally conscious of over-scheduling and over-taxing her so this has been the first summer holidays we've not done much - and it has been nice, relaxing and she is very, very well rested. Rest is important, more important imo than going out every day for the sake of it.

It is a bit odd, but perhaps they were not taken for days out themselves. We would count as deprived I reckon but we have always loved a day out.

When I lived down south and the kids were small spent countless hours in certain parks. It was like playing where's Wally spotting the buggers in the paddling pools some times.

TBF I used to live down south when the kids were small, there were 3 excellent parks so we went there a lot.

Then moved to the north east, we went to the seaside a lot.

None of the above cost that much money. Don't excuse people because they are poor fgs, it's infantilism.

I would absolutely LOVE to be out and about with DS. Zoo trips, parks, walks etc. but he’s autistic and doesn’t want to leave the house. His favourite day is being home with his toys and familiar surroundings.

Not all parents who stay home want to be at home!

Mine go out to Karate and swimming, was at a castle the other day. However I generally don't like going out during the summer as it's a tourist area and can be an absolute nightmare with traffic and parking and people all over the place (I'm not a fan of crowds). So we stay at home a lot. Paddling pool in the garden, walks around the village, park to see if there's anyone to play with etc. Also sometimes my DS likes to have a "lazy day" where he refuses to get out of his pyjamas and plays Lego, watches CBBC or goes on his iPad.

dont know about you but in my childhood and in my country we didn’t have constant weekend activities.
and it was fine.
as a child I played outside all the time, read a ton of books, listened to music and my family told me a lot of cool stuff including things about classical music and art
we went to the theatre sometimes, sometimes to museum, sometimes to visit family, went somewhere for summer holidays but certainly most weekends were not filled with doing something

and I turned out more than ok
so not sure it’s really a problem

I don't know if that was some kind of weird comment but there are literally blackberry bushes close to us. I appreciate it isn't the same for everyone but I was just giving examples. Strange reaction.

Going to the park can have so many benefits. As well as being active, children learn many skills. They can be social skills, build resilience, benefit from being in nature. If you want to expand their mind, you can find out the names of trees, birds and plants, watch ants, butterflies and bees, you can walk and chat and learn through conversation.
If you bring things like balls, kites, racquets you can develop dome skills there.

@Kirbert2 actually i was out today and heard a lady who looked at the end of her tether say exactly that she was fed up of their demands - said to the kids- and they were going home!

I had years of experience in education and saw this a lot. I think a lot of it is that parents don't realise how important it is for their children to experience a wide variety of different experiences. They don't have to be expensive; a trip to the park once a week builds motor skills, a walk in the fields picking blackberries building fitness and vocabulary, looking at the ducks building knowledge and understanding of the world and respect for life.
The same parents often don't understand how important reading to your child is in terms of vocabulary development and knowledge.
It's why disadvantaged children achieve less at school. Schools spend so much time trying to replace those experiences. Maybe these parents haven't experienced it themselves and don't know what to do. Maybe they're depressed or overworked. It's a big issue that you've touched on OP.

it’s not always about money. My friend is on a very good salary but never takes her daughter on days out. They live in a big self build barn conversion and I think she feels her daughter is happy just playing with her toys at home.
my husband and I take our daughters out every weekend, we sometimes think it’s sad that my friends little girl has never been to local farm parks, country parks, play parks, had a picnic, etc. I think it just comes down to lifestyle choices

But why not?
Stimulation?
Variety?
Learning about life outside of the classroom?

May I ask @Ilovechocolatelimesandsherbertlemons , in your view until what age should you read to your child? I think I’m slipping up here.

(great username btw)

If they are at some sort of childcare then they are presumably not spending all day on devices etc doing nothing. So this is not what the OP was referring to. Don't be so sensitive.
If they are old enough to look after themselves then you should be encouraging them to do something interesting. Yes teenagers are a pita but 24/7 doing nothing just really won't work in the long run