Can my assets be used in new partners divorce?

[littlebitpanicky]

I have been seeing a man for almost a year now and he has recently moved in with me, I know it’s fast but he’s been separated a while, she left him before I met him and he was living separately in rented accommodation.

He is going to be getting divorced soon and I’m wondering if because he’s living with me in my house, will my house and assets be taken into consideration when the divorce goes through?
It’s early days in the relationship and I don’t want him to lose everything because of me.
He is still paying a mortgage for the family home where his ex and children are living but was hoping to sell the home and use his half the money along with my home to put towards a bigger house.
I don’t have any children and own mine outright.
Has he shot himself in the foot by moving in with me?

He needs to get divorced and tie up the loose ends of his old life before he starts a new one. Why isn't he?

Because men rebound quickly and move in with another woman so they don’t have to look after themselves.

Op you know a lot of parents work full time and still have their kids either 50 50 or full time? You're acting as if he can only see his kids on the weekend as he has a full time job 😂 either way I think you've both jumped into this a bit too quickly, and it's a bit late now to be wondering if it was the right decision, it's done now he's already living with you

I am presuming you've done similar yourself ?

I was trying to be nice, but yes.

After I split from exh the first thing my excellent solicitor told me was don't move in with anyone else, and don't get engaged until after financial settlement completed. The whole process took almost a year because exh deliberately made it harder by not producing documents in a timely manner etc. I had started dating by time of divorce. I made sure it was only dating until after financial settlement.

Exactly my experience!

if he wants 50% then he needs to do 50%

He can work full time and pay for childcare while they are with him. And all the expenses with him.

Are you prepared to have his kids live in your big new house 50% of the time?

Most parents work full time and have the DC with them full time. There is this thing called childcare (which I get is expensive). Working full time is absolutely no excuse to opt out of parenting. you got a right prince there.

They like sex too so if they find someone they like then they probably think why not?

Men will rarely turn down the opportunity for a sexual relationship even if they feel pretty ambivalent about the woman. When he's moved in and he's not even divorced yet, the relationship would generally still be in its warranty period if it were a lawnmower and he's already got a plan for how he's going to use the equity in her home... OP, I'm not saying he IS using you for a home, sex and childcare, but if he were, this is exactly what it would look like.

Well said! I feel like you ought to copy and paste this and put it at the top of the relationships board.

I never understood why mumsnetters are so keen to move men in with them. Years ago it used to be done as a kind of "trial marriage" to see if you were compatible I guess. Now it's done more for financial reasons.

We risked it but my DH's ex had started living with someone else too. 20 something years later and we and them are still together. Nobody was using anyone, we are all just happier.

OP, I wasn't suggesting he was using you but it could absolutely go in the ex's favour.

Also, the new relationship isn't always just a rebound.

Your assets and income are disclosable in form E because he lives with you and therefore his living costs are halved, reducing his financial “need”.

I was asked to disclose my earnings when I moved in with my DH before his divorce was settled. ‘Fortunately’ it was pitifully small compared to the rest of their assets.

Life is more expensive now and divorce, which can be financially battering, is more common. I understand it but we should be wise to it. The funny thing is, most of the time I don't think the woman is madly in love either. She just feels obligated. We're socialised to #bekind, which 95% of the time means "accept shit that benefits others to your detriment".

Your assets cannot be considered for determining his overall assets, but the fact he lives with you means he could be seen as being adequately housed, reducing his proportion of the marital asset pot.

I’d be doing a hasty reverse if I were you. Make him wait until his divorce is done before you even think about cohabiting, for a number of reasons.

Also you can’t really buy a house together with a mortgage if he’s still on the mortgage of the marital home, unless he’s a super high earner or you fancy being stung for additional costs. Don’t underestimate how long the divorce process can take.

The whole thing is so flawed. Even the idea that the RP today could get the bulk of the assets and then turn around and leave the dc with the other parent once settlement has been made.

fortunately mine are all grown and I wouldn’t be facing this scenario but it does strike me as odd that permanent financial settlements are based on scenarios that could change the minute the settlement is actioned .

Sitting here, amused reading. Common sense long gone. People obsessed with just having someone

I don’t quite know what you expect courts to do. You can’t plan for every scenario. They make judgements on the information they have on the day. That’s perfectly reasonable.

In some situations, one party might be given a minimal spousal maintenance order (in my case it’s £1 per annum) which means I could make a further claim on my ex’s assets. My situation was complicated though and it wouldn’t apply to everybody. It was largely to protect my disabled child.

A lot of bitter ex wives on here! They have been together a year! Hardly a new fling! If both parties are comfortable and the kids happy then what’s the problem!

Did his solicitor not advise him against moving in with you? Best to move out now until divorced

I think what you were able to do makes sense.
fugal split should be based on unchangeable variables. Where variables (who is RP for example ) can change, the financial split should be more even and maintenance payments should be greater to ensure both parents can he housed.

Or the person who gets a lower split based on the current situation (who is RP, who is living with a new partner etc) should be able to claw back finances if these variables change.

Considering he works full time and his ex works part time it’s more than likely he’s been paying more

It can’t work like that because the court system would be utterly overwhelmed, more so than it is already. This is why it’s important to get legal advice and ensure your settlement is fair. Courts want clean break settlements so that both parties can move forward with their lives. That really is the most sensible way. There are obviously some variations to that depending on circumstances.

It appeara you're stuck with a cocklodger