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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hot tub

112 replies

Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 04:53

AIBU
My mum and husband bought a hot tub, knowing full well her only grandchild who is 18 months won’t be able to use it. He is obsessed with water and baths and I kno if he saw me in it he would desperately want to get in and would get upset because he can’t.
my cousin and her two kids are staying with them end of the month and the plan was for me and my son to go over as we only see them twice a year. They are 5 & 7 so will be going in the hot tub, a long with my cousin, mum and auntie I would assume. Obviously I’m not going to go in in front of him because it’s super unfair and I would feel awful the fact he’s missing out but he will still see the others go in and I dunno it just feels really mean and doesn’t sit right with me AIBU

OP posts:
Viot · 09/08/2025 04:58

Why can't he go in it?

PollyBell · 09/08/2025 04:59

It's a hot tub I dont see the obsession but no I dont see an issue nor why everyone has to be able to something for it to happen

Life goes on

GreenWheat · 09/08/2025 05:06

This is bonkers. Why can't your DS go in the hot tub?

Original poster
Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 05:10

At this age babies are still unable to regulate their body temperature so can easily over heat, the company who installed it said no use for under 5’s. It also states this on nhs website

OP posts:
Spies · 09/08/2025 05:13

Your parents are adults and it's not their responsibility to make sure every purchase is suitable for your child. They're entitled to buy a hot tub.

If he wants to go in it you say no, the same way you say no if he wants to walk down a busy street without holding your hand or get a toy at the supermarket when you're doing your shopping etc.

Original poster
Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 05:14

Not an obsession for me at all, was actually against the idea having seen a friend own one and lose interest in it after a year, waste of money IMO

OP posts:
PollyBell · 09/08/2025 05:14

Viot · 09/08/2025 04:58

Why can't he go in it?

Because it is not safe

autienotnaughty · 09/08/2025 05:17

How long will you be visiting for? If it’s just a couple hours I’d expect them to not use the hot tub first the duration of your visit. If you are stopping over then I’d just go entertain him away from the hot tub if they are using it. They won’t be in it constantly surely?

Original poster
Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 05:25

@Spies do you have a child/children? Or are you of the generation of me first kids last?!

OP posts:
Spies · 09/08/2025 05:29

Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 05:25

@Spies do you have a child/children? Or are you of the generation of me first kids last?!

Yes I am a parent but that's irrelevant. You're basically doing exactly the same by acting like everyone should put your child first..

He's not even two yet there's lots of things he can't do. Why should everyone else make their choices based on your child?

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 09/08/2025 05:30

Are you actually saying they shouldn't have bought it because it's unfair on your child?

If so that is nuts

Original poster
Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 05:32

@autienotnaughty hi 👋🏼 thank you for this. most likely there a whole day so they will definitely be using it, how much I’m not sure, hopefully not constantly though. I’d like to think the adults would have the decency to say wait until my son is occupied or asleep as it’s unfair but I don’t hold out much hope. I can’t just not go round as he will miss out on seeing them so 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 05:35

@Spies so you’d be ok with your child getting upset because everyone’s in the hot tub except him?

OP posts:
Spies · 09/08/2025 05:40

Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 05:35

@Spies so you’d be ok with your child getting upset because everyone’s in the hot tub except him?

If you don't think you can adequately distract him then don't take him, meet them somewhere else like the park for a few hours.

You can't expect everyone else to centre their choices around your child. It's bonkers to think everyone else shouldn't do something just because your child can't.

Spies · 09/08/2025 05:41

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 09/08/2025 05:30

Are you actually saying they shouldn't have bought it because it's unfair on your child?

If so that is nuts

That's exactly what the OP is saying.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 09/08/2025 05:42

Well if you want to dictate what they can and can't do host them at yours for the day instead of going to theirs.

Focussingonme · 09/08/2025 05:44

This is madness, you are making a huge deal out of something that isn't an issue.

Your 18 month olds feeling aren't going to be hurt if you tell him no, or distract or do something else while they are using it. You cannot dictate to a group of adults what they can or cannot do with their own time just in case your little one gets a little upset. What happens when he's at school and some of the parents bring sweets to pick up and you don't? Are you going to tell them all they shouldn't do it? Learning to say no to him, and helping him deal with his feelings around that are part of life and parenting.

You can also absolutely choose not to go, again, you are projecting your feelings into him. He won't know that he's missed out on seeing your relatives - he won't care.

Also, the no under 5s is guidance to cover themselves, not law. There would be no issue with a sober adult taking him in for 20 minutes so he can experience it, have some fun and making sure his head is out of the water at all times and then removing him.

AgreeingSometimes · 09/08/2025 05:45

Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 05:35

@Spies so you’d be ok with your child getting upset because everyone’s in the hot tub except him?

You’re being ridiculous. Does the get upset when you drive your car because he can’t? Does he get upset when people drink alcohol because he can’t? Do you think it’s not fair he’s not allowed to go out to work and adults can?

CohensDiamondTeeth · 09/08/2025 05:45

YAB totally and completely U

Get one of those little children's paddling pools if it's this big a deal.

This has to be a wind up right?

Readingsloth · 09/08/2025 05:47

The guidance is heat-related. The temperature could be turned down a few hours in advance and then it’s basically just a huge bath which would be ‘safe’ for your son to go in.

i do however think you are wildly unreasonable to expect family to not but y something that isn’t suitable for your child in their own home. Do you get a cob on if they drink a wine? Eat sweets? Drive a car? Stay up past 7?

bert3400 · 09/08/2025 05:56

I can see this going in classic batshit posts. 😂.

Throughout your sons life you will encounter many many things he will not be allowed to be involved in. You need to teach him, that is life ...that's your job, you also need to realise the world does evolve around your son, maybe for you but no one else.

PurBal · 09/08/2025 06:00

Just turn the temperature down. My parents have one and we set it to 37 (body temperature and perfectly warm enough). When my children were really little (under 6 months*) we’d allow only 15 minutes with bubbles off and it’s increased over time. It’s big enough for them to practice their water confidence in water that’s out of their depth. Now they’re 2 and 4, we still keep the temperature low but I don’t worry about the length of time they’re in it and they can both stand up in it (although they’re never in it unsupervised). My eldest asks to go to grandmas so he can go in it. Obviously you have to make the right decision for you, but with it set to a sensible temperature, it’s essentially a big bath something you say your son loves.

*I was as much concerned about the ambient air and them getting cold if their shoulders were out of the water than about the heat of the water in the tub.

WonderingWanda · 09/08/2025 06:02

Take a small paddling pool for him and tell him the hot tub is too hot and only for big children.

What would you do if he wanted to operate a bbq or have a sip of grandads beer etc? You'd just say no.

CeciliaMars · 09/08/2025 06:03

So absolutely everything your mum does from now on has to be suitable for your toddler? That is nuts and entitled.

itsgettingweird · 09/08/2025 06:06

Of course your mum can buy something your child can’t use for her house.

Do you also stop her buying knives or gym equipment etc?

I would ask that when you visit they cover it up because it’ll be hard for him to watch others using it and I don’t think it’s too much to ask that for a few hours the other kids don’t use it. But you cannot dictate your parents purchases based on your child who lives with you.