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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hot tub

112 replies

Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 04:53

AIBU
My mum and husband bought a hot tub, knowing full well her only grandchild who is 18 months won’t be able to use it. He is obsessed with water and baths and I kno if he saw me in it he would desperately want to get in and would get upset because he can’t.
my cousin and her two kids are staying with them end of the month and the plan was for me and my son to go over as we only see them twice a year. They are 5 & 7 so will be going in the hot tub, a long with my cousin, mum and auntie I would assume. Obviously I’m not going to go in in front of him because it’s super unfair and I would feel awful the fact he’s missing out but he will still see the others go in and I dunno it just feels really mean and doesn’t sit right with me AIBU

OP posts:
Jan168 · 09/08/2025 08:57

Why don't you just take something with you that he can play with water in? A small paddling pool with just a shallow bit of water maybe. Obviously someone would have to be watching him, but with an 18 month old you have to be watching them pretty much all the time anyway. Take some toys or different sized tubs for him to fill and empty and hopefully he'll have a great time.

Jellycatspyjamas · 09/08/2025 09:06

Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 05:35

@Spies so you’d be ok with your child getting upset because everyone’s in the hot tub except him?

There are things in life that will upset your child, you can’t avoid that. You can distract him, play with him - presumably someone will need to be with him so everyone won’t be in it at the same time. There will be lots of things he can’t do that other people can, the more matter of fact you are about that the more he’ll be able to cope with disappointment when it comes.

HoskinsChoice · 09/08/2025 09:07

Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 05:25

@Spies do you have a child/children? Or are you of the generation of me first kids last?!

This is an absolute abomination of a post. The poor child. You just know it's going to grow up as a spoilt entitled brat if it's parent thinks the whole world should revolve around their child. Give your head a massive, massive wobble, you are being utterly ridiculous.

neverbeenskiing · 09/08/2025 09:07

This thread in bonkers.

You're correct that your 18 month old shouldn't be in a hot tub. But surely you must realise that there will be loads of things that a child of that age can't do. Pretty much everywhere you go he's going to see older children doing things he's not ready to do yet. That's just how life works!

It would be absolutely madness to fall out with your Mum over this. Even the most loving and attentive Grandparent wouldn't instinctively hold off on purchasing something for their house or garden purely because their GC isn't old enough to use it yet. That would be insane.

Get a little paddling pool for your DS, you can take turns supervising him in that while others go in the hot tub. If he gets upset, he gets upset. You find something to distract him. Toddlers get upset about all sorts of things because they haven't learned to regulate their emotions yet. It's your job to help him learn to manage big emotions, it is not your job (or your Mum's) to shield him from any experience that might be potentially upsetting, disappointing or frustrating.

Whatever you do, don't ruin a nice family occasion by sulking or making comments about your DS being left out. You'll come across as completely unhinged.

stichguru · 09/08/2025 09:16

Your child is going to have a really stressful childhood if at 18 months he's learning not to cope with not being able to do everything that bigger kids can!

upandleftthenright · 09/08/2025 09:19

This is wild. You want to dictate what others do in their home and garden incase it upsets your toddler? That’s mad. How entitled are you! You sound a nightmare if that’s how you think.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 09/08/2025 09:20

If other kids are going in just ask your parents to lower the temp a few degrees. It'll feel like a bath so your LO could go in for 20mins. If they keep it too hot then the other kids will probably get out as well anyway

nmsi · 09/08/2025 09:25

This is completely batshit. I hope it's made up to be honest.
Your Mum and her husband can buy whatever they like for their own home.
Your child won't care about not being in the hot tub if you distract him with something else while the others are in there.
It's unlikely that they are all going to sit in the hot tub all day while you are there. The other kids will get bored for a start.
You can get a paddling pool for him to play in.

Honestly, if you're genuine, you need to take a look at yourself. Not everything revolves around your child.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 09/08/2025 09:26

The world doesn’t revolve around your toddler 🙄

OneCoralCat · 09/08/2025 09:26

Is the question AIBU to think my mum is only allowed to buy things for her home that benefit my son? If so, yes.

Wynter25 · 09/08/2025 09:28

Yabu

MJ1980 · 09/08/2025 09:29

could you meet at a local play centre instead? Somewhere away from the house?

DenizenOfAisleOfShame · 09/08/2025 09:30

I get where you’re coming from, OP.

My sister and brother-in-law have a big place with land. They enjoy archery and quad biking. Also my sister put in a home gym. She also loves cooking and does big family meals.

But my toddler can’t shoot arrows, drive a quad bike or use the gym. And I think it would be best if he wasn’t around naked flames and boiling water in the kitchen.

I’ve complained again and again about the way they spend their money and enjoy themselves without thinking of my wee one.

I’ve gone NC now because they’re excluding my little son. Well, to be fair, my whole family’s gone NC with me. Which just shows you how selfish they are.

pontivex · 09/08/2025 09:32

You are being ridiculous. The country I live in a hot tub/spa is installed in pretty much every house and babies are in it from 12 months on. Just turn the temp down a bit. Takes a few hours or leave the lid off.
YABTFU to dictate what adults do in case a toddler gets jealous.

Roseblooms7 · 09/08/2025 09:40

I have news for you......the world does not revolve around you and your child. If you can accept this your life will become so much easier I can guarantee it.

londongirl12 · 09/08/2025 09:45

Not sure why anyone would want to go in a hot tub anyway with other people. It’s like sharing a big bath.
Buy him a paddling pool to splash around in. He really won’t care.

OneAmberGoose · 09/08/2025 09:57

Honestly, get a grip. The world does not revolve around you and your child.

PollyBell · 09/08/2025 09:57

londongirl12 · 09/08/2025 09:45

Not sure why anyone would want to go in a hot tub anyway with other people. It’s like sharing a big bath.
Buy him a paddling pool to splash around in. He really won’t care.

Warm petrie dish?

ChompandaGrazia · 09/08/2025 09:57

PollyBell · 09/08/2025 09:57

Warm petrie dish?

Show quote history

Sex pond.

Funnywonder · 09/08/2025 10:12

I’ve read some utterly mental posts on here, but this one is epic. You think your mum shouldn’t have bought something for her own house because it’s out of bounds for your child? Bloody hell!!

Safxxx · 09/08/2025 10:14

BrickBiscuit · 09/08/2025 07:59

Please do not leave an 18-month-old baby in a paddling pool while you sit in a hot tub nearby. This is a drowning risk.

Show quote history

Obviously under supervision, just because I didn't write it down it doesn't mean just leave him there. Common sense they can supervise him on turns ...that way all of them can have fun.

DiscoBob · 09/08/2025 10:32

How bizarre of you to try and think you can dictate what your mum buys for her own enjoyment with her own money in her own house. There's lots of things that aren't suitable for babies. But she doesn't have a baby.

You'll just have to play with him in a paddling pool or something like you would if the hot tub wasn't there.

SunsetCocktails · 09/08/2025 10:34

Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 05:25

@Spies do you have a child/children? Or are you of the generation of me first kids last?!

I have children and I agree with @Spies
Are you seriously insinuating that no one in your life will ever be able to buy something that your child might want because you can’t say no to him? I’m sorry but you’re going to end up with one ridiculously spoiled child if that’s the case.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 09/08/2025 10:43

Bonkers. What colour is your sky?

DogsandFlowers · 09/08/2025 10:58

Hope this is a fake post….. can you believe that your kid isn’t the most important person in everyones’s world? So entitled!!!!!!