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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hot tub

112 replies

Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 04:53

AIBU
My mum and husband bought a hot tub, knowing full well her only grandchild who is 18 months won’t be able to use it. He is obsessed with water and baths and I kno if he saw me in it he would desperately want to get in and would get upset because he can’t.
my cousin and her two kids are staying with them end of the month and the plan was for me and my son to go over as we only see them twice a year. They are 5 & 7 so will be going in the hot tub, a long with my cousin, mum and auntie I would assume. Obviously I’m not going to go in in front of him because it’s super unfair and I would feel awful the fact he’s missing out but he will still see the others go in and I dunno it just feels really mean and doesn’t sit right with me AIBU

OP posts:
Littleredgoat · 09/08/2025 07:47
Pina Colada Cooking GIF by HBO Max

He can't have any of my Pina Colada either, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't have a pretty drink in the hot tub.

MalcolmMoo · 09/08/2025 07:48

Yeah this post can’t be real 😆

Doingmybest12 · 09/08/2025 07:49

I think you are getting a bit of a hard time. You can't dictate what your mum does in her own home but I can see having something else to manage and work around when you visit is annoying, especially if everyone else is having fun and maybe can't see why you aren't just joining in. Maybe you won't feel as relaxed there now which is a shame. But I'm sure you'll get into a routine that works and the hot tub will become less of a novelty for everyone else too.

ShowOfHands · 09/08/2025 07:50

I teach in a high school and at least weekly, several students complain that I am allowed to wear what I want and they have to wear a uniform. I painstakingly explain to them about the differences between children and adults and assume that they are not hearing this from elsewhere or they have parents who expect the world to bend around their offspring. For my sanity, please can you start teaching your child that the world is not their personal playground.

Greengagesnfennel · 09/08/2025 07:53

WonderingWanda · 09/08/2025 06:02

Take a small paddling pool for him and tell him the hot tub is too hot and only for big children.

What would you do if he wanted to operate a bbq or have a sip of grandads beer etc? You'd just say no.

This is a good idea. He needs to learn the meaning of No. Small children know that the word no from their mum is a safe nice word. It means mum is there looking after them. It doesn’t need to be upsetting.
I also get that it’s hard being a parent and missing out on the things you could do if you were childless but those are the choices we make. Yabvu to expect your mum and dad to give up everything too just so you don’t feel jealous.

Doncarlos · 09/08/2025 07:53

My child is too small to go down the water slide at the pool. So I tell him sorry, not big enough yet and we move on. No, he’s not happy about it but that’s life.
What I don’t expect is for every other kids in the pool to stop using the slide.

Make sure there’s something else there he will enjoy doing and let everyone enjoy themselves with the self indulgent guilt trip you’re laying on.

Twelftytwo · 09/08/2025 07:53

Surely there are temperature controls? Your mum might agree to turn it down to a safe temp for your child.

DaisyChain505 · 09/08/2025 07:57

The world doesn’t revolve around you and your child. If your mum and her husband want a hot tub that’s up to them.

nellly · 09/08/2025 07:58

Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 05:10

At this age babies are still unable to regulate their body temperature so can easily over heat, the company who installed it said no use for under 5’s. It also states this on nhs website

My mum has one and we turned it down to 36/37 so toddlers could go in. But aside from that YABU to expect everyone else to not do something fun becuase your baby can’t!

BrickBiscuit · 09/08/2025 07:59

Safxxx · 09/08/2025 06:07

Buy him a paddling pool with lots of pool toys to keep him entertained whilst you & others use the hot tub

Please do not leave an 18-month-old baby in a paddling pool while you sit in a hot tub nearby. This is a drowning risk.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 09/08/2025 08:01

Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 05:35

@Spies so you’d be ok with your child getting upset because everyone’s in the hot tub except him?

You are being ridiculously entitled.

CatAsstrophe · 09/08/2025 08:01

Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 05:14

Not an obsession for me at all, was actually against the idea having seen a friend own one and lose interest in it after a year, waste of money IMO

A waste of money in your opinion but clearly not your parents opinion because they bought one. People can spend their money how they choose. They don't have to factor in your child, or anyone else, with every purchase they make.

HelloGreatNews · 09/08/2025 08:02

Keep the temperature lower than a baking potato and kids can be in it. Our 2 year old was in for a whole summer - kept it at around 32. Nice and warm but no where near baking or what we would have wanted as an adult.
it’s more the chemicals and a reaction from them you need to consider rather than the temp (which you control manually). Good luck.

DenizenOfAisleOfShame · 09/08/2025 08:04

Wind up thread. Got to be.

WonderingWanda · 09/08/2025 08:13

BrickBiscuit · 09/08/2025 07:59

Please do not leave an 18-month-old baby in a paddling pool while you sit in a hot tub nearby. This is a drowning risk.

Show quote history

I didn't mean leaving him in the paddling pool while she got in the hot tub, I just meant so he isn't trying to get in the hot tub as a distraction.

Ella31 · 09/08/2025 08:13

Kindly, you are going to have many situations as your child gets older where you have to say no even if he wants something. Your parents are allowed to purchase items for their home. I understand you dont want your child getting upset but this isn't logical. They have to learn that they cant have everything they want too.

lljkk · 09/08/2025 08:16

my only experience of a "hot tub" in UK was that it was almost cold, and not cozy or fun at all. Having grown up with redwood hot tub in the household in California in 1970s...

I wouldn't want temp above 33-38 myself so not seeing huge issues as long as it has a good fitting cover.

ChompandaGrazia · 09/08/2025 08:18

Do you tell the bin men they can’t come down your street because he wants to drive the bin lorry too?

What do you do when you go to the park and some of the play equipment is for older children?

What do you say to him when he wants food or drink that he can’t have?

It’s their money and they can spend it on what they want. You don’t have to go in it. You are expecting them to not buy something they want when but you need to make the sacrifice of not going in for the sake of your child.

lonelynewname · 09/08/2025 08:20

Yes you’re being unreasonable.

You said that it feels really mean? What do you mean, are you saying that your mom has bought it on purpose knowing your son can’t go in it?

BubblyBath178 · 09/08/2025 08:26

🤦‍♀️ He’s 18 months old, he can go in it when he’s older. He also can’t go on rollercoasters or drink alcohol but I’m sure you do those things in front of him. Don’t worry about it, he’ll live.

Ophy83 · 09/08/2025 08:38

If you bring a paddling pool with some toys you'll probably find that all the kids think that's a bit more fun than the hot tub

BellissimoGecko · 09/08/2025 08:40

Spies · 09/08/2025 05:13

Your parents are adults and it's not their responsibility to make sure every purchase is suitable for your child. They're entitled to buy a hot tub.

If he wants to go in it you say no, the same way you say no if he wants to walk down a busy street without holding your hand or get a toy at the supermarket when you're doing your shopping etc.

This.

WonderingWanda · 09/08/2025 08:42

I just wanted to add that not all the adults will fit in the hot tub at once surely so you can all take turns supervising the paddling pool and having a go in the hot tub. It's not like you will totally miss out.

Vivienne1000 · 09/08/2025 08:49

Chickenlicken468 · 09/08/2025 05:32

@autienotnaughty hi 👋🏼 thank you for this. most likely there a whole day so they will definitely be using it, how much I’m not sure, hopefully not constantly though. I’d like to think the adults would have the decency to say wait until my son is occupied or asleep as it’s unfair but I don’t hold out much hope. I can’t just not go round as he will miss out on seeing them so 🤷🏼‍♀️

If you are worried about him overheating , stand outside of the tub and sit him on the edge, so he can dangle his feet in it. Or take over a paddling pool, just for him and put it along side the tub. Would that work?

Notmyreality · 09/08/2025 08:54

You are correct an 18mth old shouldnt be in a hot tub.

However you are being unreasonable that your mum shouldnt have bought one. Your child behaviour is for you to manage. If they want a hot tub they can get a hot tub.