I have a 16 year old daughter

[StoneyBeachMumof3]

AIBU?? I have a 16 year old daughter who is an absolute delight! She is the loveliest girl, everyone comments on how lovely she is and she’s always with me. My DD gets involved in my work projects, church projects and is usually with me wherever I go.
I have never had a problem with her being with me all the time, she’s great company, very funny, can engage well with adults etc
HOWEVER… over the past 6 months or so she has become, on occasion, a bit disrespectful. She, I think, sees herself as my friend and therefore can sometimes speak to me as such; calling me by my first name, telling me I’m over the top, that I’m being too much, tonight she’s accused me “of shouting at her in front of everyone” I honestly don’t think that is true so when j asked her what she meant she said “oh I don’t remember but you always shout”. Honestly, I don’t think I do, and particularly not at her. It really upset me that she accused me of that, but also this is the second time now she’s said something like this. Tonight, I did not want to go to the social club that we are members of, I took the kids (on my own) away last week, I’ve had a busy week at work this week and none of the usual crowd were going to the club - my DD really wanted to go because she has friends there. I told her I would pop in just so she could see her friends but I didn’t want to stay- when we got there everyone was eating (they have special meal nights at the club). I said to her that it was awkward to wait whilst everyone else was eating and it was already getting late, it might be better for us to just leave. She immediately went for me saying “OK hunny bun we’ll just do what you want then” “it’s always about you” etc etc and I got really upset with her saying that it was never about me it was always about her- that is apparently when I “shouted at her in front of everyone”.
We are supposed to be going on a lovely treat weekend tomorrow just me and her, it’s a very expensive once in a lifetime thing, but when her DH said to her can you please be respectful tonight as you are going away tomorrow she basically just shrugged and said “Oh well, Mum will make out everything’s fine anyway”! Ugh! Really hurt right now!
Any advice? Or pearls of wisdom? Or should I just ride this nonsense out?
Have two boys who would never speak to me the way she does so may well be just Mum’s and daughters but would be good to hear other people’s views- first time posting in all these years of parenting so please be kind!

My 15 year old daughter is always accusing me of shouting at her 😂 it seems to just mean saying something she doesn't like 😉 she and I are very close but she is also very sassy and very different to my sons.
Infuriating but sounds like a normal teenage girl to me haha

Has she got any friends? Why is she always with you? Couldn’t she have gone to the social club alone?
You both sound completely enmeshed. She’s at the age where she should be developing relationships away from you.

U OK hon?

This!

I don't really understand why she needed you to come with her at 16. Is there a reason why she didn't just go by herself? Are you very rural or something, and she is reliant on you for transport?

This is reminiscent of the thread where a woman posted that her friend imposed her 7 year old daughter on a spa day against her friend's wishes. But 9 years on!

None of what you say sounds particularly unusual by the way, except for the fact that you seem to be joined at the hip. As pp have said, she does need to branch out and socialise with friends of her own.

This whole post is somewhat disturbing.

Excellent!! Glad it’s not just me 🤣

Yeah, she does have loads of friends she is super social!! It’s just we live in the middle of nowhere so her friends of her age are also in the same places as me and the people I get on with. We are together all the time because we really do get on well (most of the time) but most of the young people here are still in the same vicinity as their parents just probs not as close as us!

Yeah fine, hunny 🤣

Yeah exactly this!!!! We are super rural- in the middle of nowhere which plays its part! However, my husbands stand point is we are in walking distance, go by yourself! I think maybe I’m just too soft by saying that if she wants me to be there I’ll be there 😬

I had/have a great relationship with my mum but at 16 there’s no way I’d have wanted her there while I was socialising with my friends!

The issue is in one breath you say if she wants you there you'll be there, but then at the same time you say you didn't want to go, went anyway, and then said you should both leave. It's not consistent, and does make it all about you. Just say that you're not going and she can go if she wants and be back by X time because you've got a busy day tomorrow.

If it is walking distance, then it's kind of weird that she didn't just go without you tbh.

I mean, I'm very close to my young adult dd and we spend a lot of time together, but she also spends a lot of time with her friends and I spend time with mine...separately. At 16, she'd have being making her own arrangements.

You say she gets involved in everything you do, but I’d ask why that is the case. Is there a reason she’s with you all the time?

Its healthy for children as they develop to have some separation so they can work through who they are as a person, away from their parents and practice resilience etc.

Is she at school or college? Does she have a PT job? Hobbies?

You need to let her live her own life. This thread is a bit off.

Just what I thought

Sounds like the normal loosening of the apron strings to me.....push the safe adult away a bit by being a bit of an arse from time to time, because you know you don't want to be a child forever, but you still like having Mum there in case the launch into adulting goes tits up or gets a bit too much occasionally.

Have lots of patience, choose your battles, help her gain her independence at socialising with friends by dropping her off/picking her up if you're rural and feel that's what the situation needs. Prepare for lots of huffing, eye rolling, pursed lips, snapping at you, comments which imply that you know absolutely nothing......Try not to take it personally, and try to take a breath and speak calmly when you're not happy wtih her behaviour rather than accusing or shouting otherwise you'll just end up in a slanging match (maybe leave it half an hour to let the strop calm down a bit first).

I'd have knocked her block off for "ok hunny bun" tbh.

Not literally you can't do that any more. But she'd be walking for the rest of her life.

I think the issue is , you've had a practically perfect child up until now and now you have a teenager who needs and wants to test the boundaries. It can't be easy but a lot of teenagers are trickier than your DD.

if its the thread i think it was then omg

At 15 I would have been dying if my social life was the same as my mother's. It sounds horrific.

Welcome to the world of teenage daughters. Sounds like you’ve got off lightly so far. They will eye roll. They will look at you in disgust. They will make out that you’re trying to make their life difficult even when you do your utmost to facilitate their needs and wants. I’m afraid teenagers are often irrational and self-absorbed. Even the nice ones.