Taking a child scared of dogs into a dog friendly coffee shop

[KimberleyClark]

DH and went to a local dog friendly coffee shop this afternoon with our neighbour’s two dogs, a golden retriever and a terrier cross who are staying with us for a few days while their owner is away. At a nearby table there was a father with his little girl of five or six who was obviously very scared of the dogs, who are both sweet natured and were just minding their own business and not wandering about or anything. When we got up to leave the little girl ran away into a corner. I suppose he might have been trying to acclimatise her, but if he was he wasn’t going the right way about it, having a chat with us, asking the dogs’ names etc might have been better. AIBU to think that if you know your child is that scared of dogs,a dog friendly cafe is not the best place to take them?

Well here’s another country dog haters can move too, good riddance 😛

She'd be in the minority in Australia these days - i don't know anyone that has their dog sleep outside in Australia now - childhood dogs yes but not now. I think the difference is with cafes and pub etc is that in Australia you are much more likely to want to sit outside so plenty of places to take your dog to still. But health departments don't allow them inside for hygiene reasons (with exception of assistance dogs of course).

What? Australians aren't dog haters by any means - just because dogs aren't allowed isn't cafes and restaurants doesn't mean people hate dogs. Go to any pub beer garden or cafe courtyard in Australia and there are plenty of dogs. Just not inside.

I hate this new trend "dog friendly café/restaurant/pub" I like dogs, not sharing an eating space.

Huge irrational fears are often linked with neurological conditions or bad experiences, neither should be downplayed to accommodate a dog friendly café.

Ridiculous that establishments has went down this route.

How do I order as a single person if I can't go inside with my dog?

Leave the dog at home? That's what people used to do.

Surely you can leave your dog at home for an hour or so?

"Not necessarily. A parent can easily misjudge a situation (deliberately or not) , as anyone else."

Most of the time the parent does know best. Here for example the OP is saying that close interaction would have been better but for some children including my son doing that in situation where he is likely to be anxious would not be the way to approach it.

I’d like cafes that are dog and child free.

All of the dog haters, of which on here there seem to be a disproportionate amount, will love this thread.
Dogs are everywhere and despite the net mums ban dogs, kick them in the ribs and stab them brigade, they aren't going anywhere. Personally think it's important to build confidence and try at least to desensitise scared children as it is going to be a gigantic pain in the arse if they continue to be frightened (although I think some parents on here seem to love it as an excuse to be hysterical about dogs 😂 )
I totally get they can be scary if you're small and worried and there are unfortunately some really irresponsible owners around but the gentle, friendly dogs and owners far outweigh the bad. We spent the day out with my dogs yesterday and met loads of families who wanted their kids to say hello.
Where I live there are loads of dog friendly cafes but also loads that are not. Make a choice!

And if I'm away for the weekend or on holiday? You can't leave a dog alone in holiday accomodation. I've had this before where I had literally nowhere I could eat at because the 'dog friendly' cafes/pubs were only dog friendly outside so I couldn't go in to order.

There are three pubs in my village, two allowed dogs and we're always busy. The third has just become dog friendly because it was struggling so badly and they've had to make the change. For those grumbling that places are all dog friendly now- it's because that's what they need to do to survive.

There was a dog free place here, but you weren't using it! I can't see that being the dog owners fault, or the pub owners fault!

I’ve never heard a dog bark in a dog friendly cafe, neither have I had a dog come up to me. They’ve always been well behaved and under control.

Don’t need to leave dogs at home when going to places they’re welcome at.

These threads have been for years. Surely you’re either all used to seeing dogs ‘everywhere’ or you’ve started campaigns for dog free places by now.

Not sure where you are but Gunwharf Quays is super dog friendly, we were there yesterday. Not in the restaurants but outside there's loads of seating where you can sit and it's covered over with a view of the boats coming in and out.

As someone who was also scared of dogs as a child, being in the vicinity of dogs without interacting with them was the way I (slowly) overcame the fear. I didn't actually want to pat them or learn their names or whatever, but I just came to see they were not going to do any harm by walking past me, or sitting near me, etc.

Dogs are everywhere - I am in New Zealand which is not as 'dog friendly' as the UK, and still they seem to be everywhere - so even if you don't love them, it's good to learn to be around them when required, rather than just avoid anywhere dogs might be. So possibly that is all he was trying to do.

And I don't think he should have tried to make her approach you/the dogs, since unwanted interactions with dogs can be what triggers the fear in the first place - I still vividly remember being 4 years old and a huge dog jumping on me and knocking me flat on my back, then standing over me with its paws on my shoulders and drool dripping from it's mouth while I lay there convinced I was about to be eaten. And sure I wasn't actually harmed, and the dog was probably just being friendly/playful, but it was still a terrifying experience which put me off dogs for years!

Its hard to believe you that you have so much difficulty finding dog friendly places - I guess you just have to do the research and plan accordingly. Maybe take a picnic if you have chosen to go somewhere with no dog friendly cafes? There really are a lot of places that accept dogs now. My Mum used to put her dog in kennels when she went on holiday. She wouldn't have dreamt of taking him. Having a dog is a choice and its not one that the rest of us should actually have to accommodate in every area of our lives.

Businesses want to make money... Who knew 😂

They aren't doing it because they love dogs, they're doing it because they need the custom.

There was one dog free place in my village and they've just changed to allowing dogs because they were failing and need the footfall.

So many people on Mumsnet say they hate dogs and places should be dog free- but then they aren't actually supporting the ones there are.

If you want a business to exist you actually need to support it!

My son is scared of dogs. Almost every cafe I've been in recently has allowed dogs and sells dog treats. It's not like dog friendly cafes are a rare thing where there is just the one obviously marketed as such in each town that the dog owners all go to, and then all the others are do free. We also couldn't go for any local walks in our area if we avoided dogs as it's a popular area for them.

So we don't avoid them and just accept that sometimes he's a bit scared and gradually he's got a lot less scared as he's got older and learning that usually nothing bad happens. (It does get set back every so often when the 'oh he's so friendly, he doesn't need to be on a lead brigade let them jump up on him or try to steal his picnic', but that's not usually in cafes.)

There are lots of places that accept dogs but for many it's just outside which for single people isn't being dog friendly at all. My dog has medical issues so can't go to kennels - what your mum does with her dog is completely irrelevant as all dogs are different and so are all local kennels (not all are good). Having a dog is a choice as you've said and nobody is asking you to accommodate them in all aspects of your life. The vast majority of places do not accept dogs despite what the Mumsnet seems to believe. There are 174 shops and businesses in my town. 6 of them are dog friendly. Yes I can take a picnic with me but for a week's holiday it's nice to be able to visit a cafe. It's frustrating when I place claims to be dog friendly but I can't actually go in an order.

And as for doing research. Places can say they're dog friendly online but when you get there it's just outside.

Did the man say you were doing anything wrong? In the same way you were welcome to bring your dog he was welcome to bring his child.

I don’t recognise all these people that hate dog friendly cafes/pubs.

We go on occasion, after a walk or when on holiday. Our dog is fab, more than happy to lie quietly next to our table but we usually get flocked by people wanting to say hello to her as we have a quite unusual, particularly beautiful (in my totally unbiased opinion, of course!) breed. Never had the opposite.

It is what it is, if you don’t like it, don’t go. It’s up to the business in question.

Oh, and I meant to say we do sometimes use dogs as a teachable moment and talk about them with owners etc, but that would be with dogs / owners we knew, not picking random strangers in a cafe, who may react unhelpfully (eg being overly pushy in asking ds to pet their dog etc). If I was that parent I'd just have been happy your dogs were sitting calmly so wouldn't have done anything to upset that balance!

This place is bonkers. Just because you don't think dogs should be allowed somewhere you think I shouldn't have my dog there, despite the fact all signage say she's welcome in? Tough. Dog friendly businesses see a significant increase in profits so they're increasing in number. Maybe the dog haters need to spend more?