Taking a child scared of dogs into a dog friendly coffee shop

[KimberleyClark]

DH and went to a local dog friendly coffee shop this afternoon with our neighbour’s two dogs, a golden retriever and a terrier cross who are staying with us for a few days while their owner is away. At a nearby table there was a father with his little girl of five or six who was obviously very scared of the dogs, who are both sweet natured and were just minding their own business and not wandering about or anything. When we got up to leave the little girl ran away into a corner. I suppose he might have been trying to acclimatise her, but if he was he wasn’t going the right way about it, having a chat with us, asking the dogs’ names etc might have been better. AIBU to think that if you know your child is that scared of dogs,a dog friendly cafe is not the best place to take them?

Yes we all hate dogs just because we don't think that dogs really need to be allowed everywhere, at all times!

Because it's so enriching for dogs to sit in cafes.

Actually I really like dogs and that's one of the reason that I'm NOT a fan of how a good few of my neighbours have very large breeds whose only outings are pootles to local cafes and back. If it was just companion breeds I think I'd be more in favour of it..

Op you took four dogs into a cafe... that's a lot of dogs!

I was scared of dogs when I was little and I don't think my parents did me any favours by trying to keep me away from them. You don't overcome a fear of something by avoiding it. I only really got over my fear when I met my in-laws, who had an ageing, placid dog at the time. I can still occasionally be frightened of dogs that are visibly behaving aggressively, but I am very happy to interact with most dogs and they haven't harmed me yet. It's quite possible that this dad was hoping his DC would benefit from being around some friendly dogs, but it didn't work out as he expected. If so, he might decide not to repeat the experiment, or he might decide it's better done with specific, carefully chosen dogs. I hope he doesn't decide to keep her away from all dogs forever though. It's also possible that he didn't know she was going to be scared because he hadn't been in a situation before where she had to get close to some dogs and was scared.

Even if cafes are "dog friendly" I don't think anyone expects each customer to bring four dogs...! That's so many dogs!

Maybe dad didn’t know that the coffee shop was as dog friendly?

I went into Starbucks today and there was a bloody barking German Shepherd there today. I wouldn’t care about assistance dogs but so annoying if you don’t like dogs. I felt sorry for the baristas who will have to mop up the pee later.

YABU you clearly have no idea what it’s like to have a dog phobic child. My now 10yo is much better than he was but it’s taken years and talking to one family with dogs at a cafe is not going to suddenly fix the problem. I remember being so frustrated 2 years ago, when he was just starting to improve being quite badly scratched by a dog when out and about. Maybe it’s that kind of interaction that puts off the family from talking to people with dogs! Today we were at a beach where dogs are banned until 6pm and sure enough at 6.05pm a huge dog bounded up to us wanting our chips.

My child is very frightened of dogs. A puppy was too excited and jumped at her, not in an aggressive way just wanted a fuss and this left her terrified even of dogs she'd previously had a good relationship with (she has profound autism and doesn't get that the puppy wasn't trying to hurt her and not all dogs are going to do that). I would never take her to a dog cafe thats asking for trouble. I've been trying to acclimatise my child by taking her on walks, we meet dogs on the way but those meetings are brief but frequent. Most dogs are on lead where we walk and owners are very understanding when we explain, this is working alright, shes not wanting to pet dogs yet but she'll happily walk past one or stand near one and watch Dad or me pet the dog if owners say it's alright. Yanbu this was wrong of the parent to put his child and the dogs in this position.

This! I see so many stressed out dogs. Most dogs don't enjoy hot pavements, busy high streets, crowds of noisy children, cafes with excruciatingly tempting amounts of food. Dogs are not human substitutes, they are animals, they shouldn't wear clothes, eat dog versions of human food, get birthday presents etc etc I question whether people who anthropomorphise their dogs are animal lovers at all! And Im sure the ones that wake me up barking are desperate for proper daily exercise, not shopping trips.

Did she? Was it not two dogs?

Anyway I don’t think it’s unreasonable to take well behaved dogs to dog friendly cafes. But I also understand that in some areas the cafe may be the only cafe in the area, so non dog liking people have to go to it regardless.

i take my very well behaved dog into cafes if we’re on holiday, or out walking for the day. I don’t tend to do so locally….although I do think she does actually like it, she’s very nosy and seems to like people watching.

Ive only had one negative experience, she was sat quietly under a chair and the man from the next table got up, stood behind me and very rudely hissed in my ear “get your dog away from my wife”. His wife was sat with her back to us so at the seat nearest us rather than opposite her husband which I thought was odd, why would you sit so close to a dog if you don’t like them. 🤷‍♀️

anyway I moved dog to the other side of the table but I did point out to him he was very rude. If he’d just said nicely his wife wasn’t keen on dogs and would I mind moving her over a bit i wouldn’t have minded at all.

I took two. Where on earth did you get the idea that I took four?

We’d taken them for a walk first and then decided to go for coffee. They also had a treat each, the cafe sells them. Most people don’t take their dogs to cafes instead of taking them for walks!

Had this EXACT conversation last night with my partner. Spoons is the only one I can think of that is against dogs being there

I took two. Where on earth did you get the idea that I took four?
The use of a comma instead of a semicolon.
our neighbour’s two dogs, a golden retriever and a terrier cross is a list of four dogs. Two of indeterminate breed belonging to your neighbour, one golden retriever and one terrier.
our neighbour’s two dogs; a golden retriever and a terrier cross would be two dogs with their breeds specified.

I see no problem with well behaved dogs in cafes - if they start yapping then obviously they should be taken out of the cafe -

Ah OK I misread sorry, I thought you were listing four.

Fair enough two dogs isn't as excessive - but I do agree that a cafe isn't the best place for a dog, for the dog's sake as well as everyone else's. It must feel so cramped and noisy for them. Even a pub garden would be marginally better

No one else seems to have taken that to mean four dogs….and I did mention later in my OP that 5hey were both sweet natured.

I don't like dogs at all and Im perfectly fine with that but frequently astonished how often dog owners perceive this as "wrong". Not strange, not frustrating, not weird, but plain wrong.
I also find most dog owners will at some stage back the alleged rights of that dog over the rights of a human, even the most lovely and rational and worldly dog owners will arrive at that point.
So in this case I feel really sorry for that kid as they eschewed the dog, and the dog owner's best response was to ask themselves why the kid had the nerve to be there.
Because I don't like dogs, this to me is the same non logic as punching someone and then wondering why they were stupid enough to walk into my fist.
It's like a dog out in public with it's owners is some sort of trump card, and it's bollocks.

I was ready to say yanbu but it seems like the dad did what he could

My dd avoids dogs and will walk away from one, but she isn't super afraid so I try to get her saying hello to one whenever we see them (which is all the time, everywhere 😭). I'm a dog lover so its kind of important to me

Its not like the dad had a go at your oh or anything, he just kept the kid calm

Edit, maybe he didnt wanna have a conversation 😭

Yabu

I did when I first read it. I went back and assumed you probably did mean 2.

Regardless it's just my explanation of why someone thought 4 as you asked what on earth would make someone think that.

I will agree here, when I was reading i thought 'four dogs in a cafe is a lot!'

yes was slightly wrong of the dad to be honest

Theres 2 massive parks close by, i love taking my kids there as theres no dogs allowed. So we can play without worrying about standing in shit

i love dogs, have dogs, but I agree with the argument of dogs being everywhere - not everyone likes dogs, and thats ok!

I was in a cafe recently and a dog was sitting up on a chair on the next table. It was actually licking the tablecloth at one point. The waitress took their order and didn’t bat an eyelid.

Gross

I’m amazed when I see people drag (and I mean drag - the dogs do not seem happy) to outdoor shopping centres, fairs, and when we were doing the rounds, to university open days. Packed full of people in unfamiliar surroundings the dogs didn’t know if they were coming or going.
There is one dog friendly cafe where there’s never not an issue with dogs barking like mad at each other. I own dogs. I’ve taken them to cafés. But they sit under my table and do not interact with anyone and are silent. I don’t understand why someone would take a reactive dog to a cafe, or even a ‘friendly’ one that insists on being in everyone’s face.
I agree a dog friendly place may not be the best place for a kid scared of them, but I expect father was trying to demonstrate that dogs can be friendly.

There are certainly more dogs in cafes and at "attractions" than pre pandemic. I remember when people in the UK used to marvel at how the French and Germans allowed dogs in cafes and restaurants, as though it was a weird alien quirk. Now I live in one of those countries and when I visit the UK I find the sheer numbers of dogs everywhere seems to increase every year. It almost seems people feel not having a dog would be like not having a sofa or something, and get one or two even if they don't really especially want one or know what to do with them...

Miller and carter don’t even allow them in the garden.