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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking a child scared of dogs into a dog friendly coffee shop

348 replies

KimberleyClark · 08/08/2025 17:17

DH and went to a local dog friendly coffee shop this afternoon with our neighbour’s two dogs, a golden retriever and a terrier cross who are staying with us for a few days while their owner is away. At a nearby table there was a father with his little girl of five or six who was obviously very scared of the dogs, who are both sweet natured and were just minding their own business and not wandering about or anything. When we got up to leave the little girl ran away into a corner. I suppose he might have been trying to acclimatise her, but if he was he wasn’t going the right way about it, having a chat with us, asking the dogs’ names etc might have been better. AIBU to think that if you know your child is that scared of dogs,a dog friendly cafe is not the best place to take them?

OP posts:
Dangermoo · 09/08/2025 08:21

KillerMounjaro · 08/08/2025 17:24

Practically every fucking cafe and shop is “dog friendly” these days. Dogs ruin the experience on loads of places - barking at each other because they are so many of them, coming up to strangers and bothering them etc. Even the “good” dogs will just get in the way and they or their leads become a trip hazard.

There is no need for all these dogs to be everywhere and you thinking that just because a cafe is “dog friendly” that means that dogs must take priority there over humans who don’t like dogs is outrageous.

I’m amazed at your entitled attitude, especially as they’re not even your bloody dogs!!

(And were you even there or not? You initially say DH took them, but then you keep saying “us” and “we.”)

Edited

You OK?

Littleredgoat · 09/08/2025 08:21

Adultautismdiagnosis · 09/08/2025 08:14

And as for doing research. Places can say they're dog friendly online but when you get there it's just outside.

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Most National Trust cafe for example.

National trust gives a rating of their sites to say which are dog friendly, but thats subjective and not the same at all the sites. 2 out of three often means they just have water bowls and poo bins and the dog is allowed in the country side (public footpaths) where they'd be allowed anyway.

Three (their highest rating) can mean allowed in the garden on a short lead, and outside areas at cafes. Which is fine- but if I am going by myself then I have found somewhere that says it is one of their most dog friendly places, just to find I cant use their loos or go inside to buy a cup of tea.

SharonEllis · 09/08/2025 08:23

Adultautismdiagnosis · 09/08/2025 08:14

And as for doing research. Places can say they're dog friendly online but when you get there it's just outside.

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I get that that is annoying- that's an issue to bring up with them though. They just need to update their websites etc.

RedLightGreenLiiight · 09/08/2025 08:23

Maybe the Dad isn't super keen on dogs himself. Sounds like he was handling it well by letting her go and stand in the corner if that's what made her comfortable. Exposing her to a dog being around with nothing bad happening and no expectations for anyone to interact with the dog seems like a good life lesson.

Original poster
KimberleyClark · 09/08/2025 08:25

Littleredgoat · 09/08/2025 07:51

There are three pubs in my village, two allowed dogs and we're always busy. The third has just become dog friendly because it was struggling so badly and they've had to make the change. For those grumbling that places are all dog friendly now- it's because that's what they need to do to survive.

There was a dog free place here, but you weren't using it! I can't see that being the dog owners fault, or the pub owners fault!

This. You can’t expect dog free places to be there when you just on the odd occasion you fancy a dog free coffee if you don’t otherwise support them.

There’s a dog friendly place just outside a park near me. The dog walkers who walk their dogs in the park day in day out are their bread and butter. It would be mad for them to be dog free. If you want dog free spaces campaign for them and use them. Show the demand is there.

OP posts:
BananaCaramel · 09/08/2025 08:26

Knickknock · 08/08/2025 17:19

If I don’t take my kids to dog friendly places there’d be hardly any places left to take them! Bloody dogs are bloody everywhere nowadays. They shouldn’t be in food establishments I don’t think.

The first poster has it! Even flipping Costa allows dogs in nowadays. He wasn’t taking her somewhere “dog friendly” on purpose - and bringing a golden retriever into a coffee shop is taking the piss

Livelovebehappy · 09/08/2025 08:27

I agree OP. Lots of cafes don’t allow dogs. It’s all about compromising our choices. Like there’s a lovely tearoom just down the road from me. At certain times of the day, there’s mums in there with their out of control toddlers running amok whilst the mums have their chats and ignore what’s going on. I avoid it, even though they do lovely food, and I go to another a bit further away. It’s all about compromise…..

Livelovebehappy · 09/08/2025 08:29

KillerMounjaro · 08/08/2025 17:24

Practically every fucking cafe and shop is “dog friendly” these days. Dogs ruin the experience on loads of places - barking at each other because they are so many of them, coming up to strangers and bothering them etc. Even the “good” dogs will just get in the way and they or their leads become a trip hazard.

There is no need for all these dogs to be everywhere and you thinking that just because a cafe is “dog friendly” that means that dogs must take priority there over humans who don’t like dogs is outrageous.

I’m amazed at your entitled attitude, especially as they’re not even your bloody dogs!!

(And were you even there or not? You initially say DH took them, but then you keep saying “us” and “we.”)

Edited

Glad you’ve got that off your chest….

Twistedfirestarters · 09/08/2025 08:30

KimberleyClark · 08/08/2025 18:19

Thank you! Little one is asleep on my lap as I type.

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I don't really get why you were bothered by this father bringing his daughter to the cafe. It doesn't sound like he made his daughter's fear of dogs into your problem?

Perhaps he had planned to speak to dog owners and encourage her to interact but realised in reality she was too fearful for that. Perhaps he was passing by and she needed the loo so he picked the nearest place and felt obliged to buy something. There are a million reasons why he was there that don't make him 'ridiculous'.

We'd all be a lot happier if we just minded our own business instead of judging people who we know nothing about and haven't even done anything to bother us. I mean, it sounds like you were having a lovely day with the dogs and you've made yourself 'sad' for this kid for no reason.

Patch23042 · 09/08/2025 08:32

Raising money for guide dogs…. it the Coffi Lab chain in Wales by any chance? The one whose logo is a labrador? If so, it seems like an odd place to take a child who’s phobic of dogs, unless the aim was to de-sensitise her.

Original poster
KimberleyClark · 09/08/2025 08:32

BananaCaramel · 09/08/2025 08:26

The first poster has it! Even flipping Costa allows dogs in nowadays. He wasn’t taking her somewhere “dog friendly” on purpose - and bringing a golden retriever into a coffee shop is taking the piss

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Why? It’s an establishment that welcomes dogs. Being welcoming to dogs is its USP. The Golden behaved himself perfectly. And it’s not a cramped place and it wasn’t packed.

OP posts:
Original poster
KimberleyClark · 09/08/2025 08:34

Patch23042 · 09/08/2025 08:32

Raising money for guide dogs…. it the Coffi Lab chain in Wales by any chance? The one whose logo is a labrador? If so, it seems like an odd place to take a child who’s phobic of dogs, unless the aim was to de-sensitise her.

Yes it is. Branches in Cardiff and the south west of England.

OP posts:
caramac04 · 09/08/2025 08:36

Absolute dog lover here. My local cafe has got it perfect. Outdoor seating and a covered seating area where dogs are very welcome. Seating inside the cafe is dog free.
A big issue with dogs inside cafes is that tables are often crammed close together and there simply isn’t room for a big dog/s. This means nervous children feel a bit trapped.
The other issue of course is poorly behaved/socialised dogs who yap and bark at other dogs.
Last year, on holiday, really wanted a drink but the only outside seating area was dominated by a barking spaniel who didn’t like my big dog. Went to the only other cafe whose outdoor area was closed and inside my dogs were subject to the barking of several other dogs. The noise was vile. We turned round and left. My dogs did not react at all because they are well trained.
Ultimately cafes allow dogs because it increases their custom but I do think more dog free places would be welcomed.
Because most cafes do allow dogs it is difficult to find dog free places but they do exist and I would seek those out if I had a child who was nervous of dogs. A cramped and possibly noisy place would be a nightmare.
Dog owners - train your dogs to cope with other dogs and recognise they are not babies.

UsernameMcUsername · 09/08/2025 08:36

I disagree. As other people have pointed out, cafes are just not guaranteed to be dog-free now. Even the chain cafes in our town centre - nowhere near green spaces - have dogs. I have a relative who is deeply uncomfortable around dogs (for good reasons - she was attacked) so am very aware of it.

BananaCaramel · 09/08/2025 08:37

KimberleyClark · 09/08/2025 08:32

Why? It’s an establishment that welcomes dogs. Being welcoming to dogs is its USP. The Golden behaved himself perfectly. And it’s not a cramped place and it wasn’t packed.

Edited
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Because unlike a small dog that would sit under the table and keep out of the way, a golden retriever is enormous, bouncy and sheds everywhere. Awful.

I object to any dog in any eating establishment as it is so clearly a hygiene issue that people are wilfully choosing to pretend isn’t true but big dogs even more so…or should people start bringing their great Dane’s out for dinner. I honestly despair at the way dog culture has gone in this country.

UsernameMcUsername · 09/08/2025 08:39

BananaCaramel · 09/08/2025 08:37

Because unlike a small dog that would sit under the table and keep out of the way, a golden retriever is enormous, bouncy and sheds everywhere. Awful.

I object to any dog in any eating establishment as it is so clearly a hygiene issue that people are wilfully choosing to pretend isn’t true but big dogs even more so…or should people start bringing their great Dane’s out for dinner. I honestly despair at the way dog culture has gone in this country.

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Its interesting how it correlates with an increasing intolerance of the presence of children too.

Original poster
KimberleyClark · 09/08/2025 08:39

BananaCaramel · 09/08/2025 08:37

Because unlike a small dog that would sit under the table and keep out of the way, a golden retriever is enormous, bouncy and sheds everywhere. Awful.

I object to any dog in any eating establishment as it is so clearly a hygiene issue that people are wilfully choosing to pretend isn’t true but big dogs even more so…or should people start bringing their great Dane’s out for dinner. I honestly despair at the way dog culture has gone in this country.

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He didn’t bounce anywhere . He just lay down next to us. Far less disruptive than a hyperactive child.

OP posts:
SharonEllis · 09/08/2025 08:41

caramac04 · 09/08/2025 08:36

Absolute dog lover here. My local cafe has got it perfect. Outdoor seating and a covered seating area where dogs are very welcome. Seating inside the cafe is dog free.
A big issue with dogs inside cafes is that tables are often crammed close together and there simply isn’t room for a big dog/s. This means nervous children feel a bit trapped.
The other issue of course is poorly behaved/socialised dogs who yap and bark at other dogs.
Last year, on holiday, really wanted a drink but the only outside seating area was dominated by a barking spaniel who didn’t like my big dog. Went to the only other cafe whose outdoor area was closed and inside my dogs were subject to the barking of several other dogs. The noise was vile. We turned round and left. My dogs did not react at all because they are well trained.
Ultimately cafes allow dogs because it increases their custom but I do think more dog free places would be welcomed.
Because most cafes do allow dogs it is difficult to find dog free places but they do exist and I would seek those out if I had a child who was nervous of dogs. A cramped and possibly noisy place would be a nightmare.
Dog owners - train your dogs to cope with other dogs and recognise they are not babies.

Spot on.

Adultautismdiagnosis · 09/08/2025 08:46

UsernameMcUsername · 09/08/2025 08:39

Its interesting how it correlates with an increasing intolerance of the presence of children too.

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I think it's just a general increase of intolerance to anything and everyone in society for a lot of people.

Original poster
KimberleyClark · 09/08/2025 08:46

SharonEllis · 09/08/2025 08:41

Spot on.

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Here’s the chain of Coffee shops I was in. As you can see the interiors are anything but cramped. They are designed not to be - purpose built dog friendly coffee shops.

https://coffilab.co.uk/locations/

Coffi Lab Locations - Dog Friendly Coffee Shops in Cardiff, South Wales & England

Dog friendly coffee shops in lovely locations in South Wales & England including; Abergavenny, Llandaff, Llanishen, Marlborough, Monmouth, Rhiwbina, Wellfield Road Cardiff and Whitchurch.

https://coffilab.co.uk/locations

OP posts:
limescale · 09/08/2025 08:46

LittlleMy · 08/08/2025 18:11

Yes this is just the world now and if anything it’s only going to get worse or better - depending which side of the fence you are. Reducing birth rate and increasing popularity of pets as surrogate children of sorts as well as changes to the renter bills re pet ownership all mean that all places are likely to become increasingly pet friendly. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if like the old smoking and non smoking splits, places like hospitals even may have dog/dog free designated waiting areas such is their prevalence and acceptance as an therapy aid for so many people also.

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I am increasingly seeing signs informing customers how to behave with their dogs - on leads, not on the chairs/tables, under control.

Clearly this is in response to ignorant dog owners. So maybe, just maybe the tide will turn and we’ll be able to sit at a cafe table confident that a dog hasn’t licked it, or that I’m going to trip over Fido when I walk to the loo.

SharonEllis · 09/08/2025 08:51

KimberleyClark · 09/08/2025 08:46

Here’s the chain of Coffee shops I was in. As you can see the interiors are anything but cramped. They are designed not to be - purpose built dog friendly coffee shops.

https://coffilab.co.uk/locations/

Show quote history

I don't know why this addressed to me?

Original poster
KimberleyClark · 09/08/2025 08:53

SharonEllis · 09/08/2025 08:51

I don't know why this addressed to me?

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Sorry should have quoted @caramac04’s post that you were replying to.

OP posts:
caramac04 · 09/08/2025 08:54

@KimberleyClark those coffee shops do look good and, as you say, not cramped. I would probably take my dogs in there although I usually sit outside wherever possible.
Well behaved dogs in there would be no problem and as it is designed for dogs then there will be dogs in there.
To pp’s re hygiene; all cafes are subject to environmental health regulations and tables are cleaned between customers so it’s probably less of an issue than you think.

SharonEllis · 09/08/2025 09:05

caramac04 · 09/08/2025 08:54

@KimberleyClark those coffee shops do look good and, as you say, not cramped. I would probably take my dogs in there although I usually sit outside wherever possible.
Well behaved dogs in there would be no problem and as it is designed for dogs then there will be dogs in there.
To pp’s re hygiene; all cafes are subject to environmental health regulations and tables are cleaned between customers so it’s probably less of an issue than you think.

If only that were true! I find you have to make quite a fuss to get a table cleaned these days, with a few honourable exceptions and looking at the cloths I think they are mostly just moving germs around. I saw a woman in a restaurant do a bowl of water for a dog recently and she didnt wash her hands! She proceeded to take plates of food to tables. I've seen people let their dogs sit on outside tables and they certainly aren't cleaned. I'm not even that much of a clean freak but its gross to expect people to eat food on a space where a dog's actual arse has been!