A yearning in my soul for youth and sex

[its5oclocksomewheresurely]

Pity party. I’m female. 55 years old. Kids left 10 years ago. DH is only 52, but has zero sex drive. We are relatively happy. Love each other. No money worries. Have epic holidays and in fairness he is sexual on holiday. I am yearning for more though. Not with other men, just with him. There’s no provision made for it though. No time set aside. Shift work means we are passing ships. Im addicted to a music video right now where the male singer is so handsome and sexual and my heart is aching for what I’m missing. Feel quite invisible to the world really. I’m just “mum” or “wife” and I want to scream that’s not who I am! Pity party over. Anyone else?

I’m in exactly the same position - same age and I feel like this every day.

I thought when the kids left home we would have this “sexual liberation” yet we have died a sexual death instead. He used to use the “stressed due to work” excuse but retired a year ago and nothing has changed.

Those suggesting dressing up/being suggestive, I don’t know about you Op but I’ve been rejected that many times I’d just feel like a sad, desperate old fool doing anything like that. Any confidence I had in myself has been sapped.

Thanks for this, I will look into those suggestions.

This really resonates. I'm so sorry. Yeah, there's just no way I would throw myself at him now. But what I do do, is try to talk to him about what we can do.

Last night I tried again - and he just said "I'm not talking about this". I slept in the spare room and today we are not talking.

I have tried to save this relationship, but it's so hard when the other person won't meet you halfway.

I would like sex 3 times a week. He doesn't even meet me half way, at say, once a week. We've had 4 fumbles ALL year, that lasted 10 minutes. Oh and another thing - I do oral on him, but he has never reciprocated. Says he doesn't like it.

I honestly think you'd be happier to split up. You are too young to be living like this. What a waste of a life.

If you did look elsewhere for affection, I don't think anyone would blame you (your husband has brought this upon himself).

Well, he finally came and found me and was nice and apologised. When I was walking the dogs two men walked past me, one was very handsome with lovely legs and I felt like a perv.

Finding someone attractive doesn't make you a perve...

Haha!! Love this!

You need to get jiggy with it OP, pronto! I suspect your DH will be absolutely delighted - I think he just needs guidance and a kick-start.

I had endless, exhausting, basic, performative sex with my DH for almost 30 years, and when the menopause came it was kind of a relief, sadly. I still like looking nice and making an effort daily, but that’s for me and I just don’t miss the sex, as it didn’t come with any love or tenderness IME.

Joining late to say me too. I'm still married but no sex for years and no communication - we just rumble on. I lack the sonething - courage - I think that will make me leave. I honestly think we'll both be happier. Its got to the point where everything about him annoys me and I'm not sure there's anything counselling would do to fix us. I've changed but not very much - I'm back to being who k was. He's changed - more conservative, dull. Meanwhile I've been lying there for years just vibrating with need that's unmet, and I think it's been the undoing of my relationship. He's a good man though. Just not the right one.

Then I'd tell him it's either an open relationship where you can have sex with other people or it's over, and be prepared to follow through if he won't agree. Not only does he only do it four times a year, but it sounds like he's abysmally bad at it. Grim.

This is really sad.

Did anyone read that interview with Emma Thompson where she said sex ought to be prescribed on the NHS? I assume she meant the NHS should pay for prostitutes. She also said that several of her female friends had hired escorts after watching Thompson in a film in which her character (a retired teacher) does the same thing. Her character hires a man to help her orgasm (apparently).

I do know how you feel OP. I'm 48 and will be 49 on Boxing Day. So the dreaded five-O is looming. (God, how those f*cking numbers torture us😞I remember dreading my 25th, then my 30th and then my 40th). How wonderful it would be if scientists really could come up with drugs to slow and even reverse ageing (I know they are working on so-called senolytics that could do this, and some predict they'll be available by 2030). Let's say that in the early 2030s new drugs were developed that could reverse your biological age – so you looked like you did at 25. What would you do? Would you divorce your partner? Would you look for someone new? Would you have a load of casual hook ups? Would you look for a different long-term partner? Or would you continue as you are? It would be very interesting to see how people reacted if this ever happened. Hard not to imagine mass divorce and a surge in STDs!

OP I would either look for a discrete affair or suggest to your husband you should open the marriage. He will likely say no but it may give him a kick up the arse to get some help from GP.

Hi, you said that his rest days are being cancelled at the moment, so he's probably exhausted. Might not have been the best time to try to talk to him!

You said that a Caribbean holiday 18 months ago was great sexually, but a February holiday not the same. Could it be that the February holiday was shorter? Maybe not enough time for him to properly relax?

Police marriages have a high break-up rate due to the stress of the job and the shift work. Don't let it be you! It sounds like he's struggling with the shifts and the stress, given that he's almost old enough to retire, and it sounds like you may not be 100 percent understanding about how exhausted he is. Everything you've said indicates that his problem is related to job stress and shift work. Four days isn't much to recover from 6 days of having your sleep messed up, and then you have to start all over again. I'm sure that schedule is playing havoc with his body and mind. Given that horrible schedule and the stress of the job itself, I would ease up on him a little, I really would.

I dated a police officer and am also related to one. I'm still friends with the ex. Both men became different people once they'd retired from the police.

I think the problem here is the insane shift work combed with the stress of being in the police, and he's trying to cope with it while being older, too. If she suggests they open the marriage, he might sink into despair. The police is bad news for stress, and my police ex ended up in a terrible state through stress. So did my uncle. They both had breakdowns thanks to the demands of the job. OP's DH is currently having his rest days cancelled, and if he's two years from retirement then he's not young. His job is the problem here, and he has to do a couple more years or he won't get his police pension. It sucks, but the police job is known for placing a huge strain on the personal lives of officers.

There are many 55year old woman who take care of themselves properly and are not just mum if you act like a mum people will treat you like one. Try be a milf

Youth and sex don’t have to go together. OP, it sounds as if you need to save for more holidays. And you need a discussion leading to more times for these things

“He hasn’t orgasmed in about 2 years!!”

you think