Oh this sounds tough, OP. I don’t think you’ve answered the question about an open marriage. I know you said you wanted sex with him, rather than other people, but an awful lot of what you are asking for - to be seen, have excitement, fun, feel alive, as well as sex could be achieved registering on a lifestyle site like wearex . I’m not suggesting doing it without telling him. But it does sound like you have been clear enough about how intolerable the problem is that you could declare you are taking it into your own hands.
these sites don’t have to lead to full on sex with others, though they can of course. They have lots of communities, social get togethers, sex education workshops, chatting forums…. It would give you a new injection of energy about yourself, above all else, and some new activity, contacts, maybe friendships - all with people who live different kinds of lives. It would also reassure you that you are still very much alive and desirable. There are tons of women in their fifties on there, and they get plenty of attention!
even if that doesn’t appeal, I think you need to reinfect yourself with life. You can’t just sit alone waiting for your husband to bring you life. He clearly isn’t. What have you always wanted to do and never quite done? Any passions you could pursue? Any fun habits you could nurture that are more nourishing or spicy than watching music videos? One of my friend signed up for an amateur acting class and is loving it- it pushes her to think about her body, emotions, takes her out of her comfort zone, she’s meeting new people etc…
life if not over at 55. It really isn’t. If your husband isn’t going to bring it, I think you have to take it into your own hands. Xxx