Parents won't let me paint my kitchen cupboards

[Forfucksake84]

I currently rent a flat off my parents. I have 2 children and have outgrown the flat and my parents have bought a bigger house to accommodate us. I will still be paying rent, and will be having a rent increase. I'm incredibly grateful that my parents have helped me into a bigger home but I feel they (particularly my dad) are being quite controlling about the small adjustments I would like to make to it. When we first looked at the house they agreed to me painting the kitchen cupboards when I move in. At the moment they are a boring mdf colour and I wanted to paint them a nice light grey. My dad has now backtracked and said that they don't want them done at all, and that they are fine as they are but has given no reason for it. I just don't understand how it would affect them as it won't be them living there! He reluctantly agreed to remove the carpets in the bathrooms as I said it was a hygiene issue but even that was a struggle. He keeps reminding me that he is the landlord and that I need to ge permission to do anything but it feels like he is treating the house as an asset and me as a tenant rather than his daughter and I really feel like I'm not allowed to make any changes at all. Im due to move in in 3 weeks and it's making g me not want to move in at all...
For reference I am 40 and my parents re in their mid 70s

They’re not your kitchen cupboards. Stop acting like an ungrateful brat given all the help and support they’re giving you.

Some parents are just weird and controlling op.That is exactly what this is about, exerting control over you.

🙄

Yes. It’s not actually about painting kitchen cupboards.

I was going to suggest getting them professionally wrapped as its removable, but that looks expensive! To be honest it might be cheaper to offer to buy replacement doors - they're only £20 or so from the cheapish ranges and if your parents are absolutely set on having the original doors back if you move out then you might be able to find somewhere between you to store the originals?

What a pointless comment. If you've not got anything sensible to say then don't bother

In your dreams on Mumsnet! lol 😂

Can't help with decorating issues, but if you are getting housing element of UC then you absolutely need to have your family relationship separate to your tenant/landlord relationship.
Proper tenancy agreement, market value rent (or close to), all rental regulations complied with, etc etc

Grey cupboards are a bit dated anyway.

If you want to make changes to a property, then buy your own. You say you're not in a position to do so, then you need to accept that you require the home owner's consent for changes and that it is THEIR asset, and their choice.

You come across as a little entitled to be honest.

OP, you've said you're currently living in a flat bought by your parents , and they have now bought a house to accommodate you and your family.

I would be incredibly grateful , like you've said ,for what they've done . Is painting the kitchen cupboards really worth the hassle ?

I get it must be very frustrating, but the options are you either have to suck it up or get a rental that is not owned by your parents.

If you are looking for someone to give you a solution as to how to change your dads mind then you are going to be disappointed- unless someone knows a good hypnotist!

Just be grateful you have a nice place to live at a reduced rent and focus on other things.

Your entire OP is pointless. Be an adult go and discuss with your parents and teach an agreement. Your 40yo fgs. Not a teenager.

I’d like to know the market rental, too. It’s probably not worth being under the thumb for a ‘small discount’.

I am not sure that painting kitchen cupboards ever works well. Given your situation you are stuck with doing as they wish. The alternative is to look for somewhere else to live, or get them to gift the house to you to avoid the forthcoming inheritance tax (assuming they live long enough).

I think he’s probably hurt that you’re not more grateful that they’re providing a roof over your head in your forties and yes you are paying but not market prices. Is this rental idea something they would have done if you hadn’t have needed it ? Do you have siblings that they're not supplementing this way ?

The revealing part of OPs post is that she feels her father is treating her like a tenant rather than a daughter and he keeps reminding her that he is her landlord. All sounds cold hearted to me.
They sound dutiful and resentful at the same time and not very loving at all.
I still want to know how much discount she gets.

No it’s about someone making a decision and someone else having to live with it.

MN is full of people who seek ulterior motives for every decision they disagree with. The “controlling” label gets slapped on everything on here. People are increasingly entitled and will go to great lengths to get their own way no matter what. Including posting on MN about minor issues that any competent adult would normally sort out themselves. The constant need for external validation these days is disturbing.

The wrap stuff will be awful and will ruin the cupboards. Not sure why you think that is an option when they don't even want them painted.
Think you're just gonna have to let this go.

I agree with this - although I am still
on the side of the OP! 😊

👍

Honestly, I think you sound incredibly entitled.

Despite being a single parent unable to get a mortgage, you've got a secure tenancy. Do you know how rare that is these days? You re very very fortunate.

And you're banging on about painting kitchen cupboards.

I suspect there is another side to this story and your dad possibly has justifiable reasons for not wanting to allow you to indulge in DIY in his property. I am sure that his preference would be that you were financially independent and arranged your own housing, however has been good enough to buy a property for you and your children to live in. And yet you're not grateful.

Give your head a shake lady.

OP, you are a tenant, so your parents are allowed to have these rules about their property.
And by moving into a house with them, you are just going to prolong their control over your life. Wouldn't it be better to rent separately, and then you can finally have your independence, as well as a more normal parent-adult child relationship?

We rented our house out whilst we lived abroad for 4 years. Nice family, left it spotlessly clean (including light coloured carpets!) and in good condition. But, contrary to the tenancy agreement, they decorated without permission and not to our liking - and some of it was not well done.

How long have you been living there, OP? Does it need refreshing? Or is it just what you'd prefer it to look like? If the latter - I think you have to suck it up.

@Forfucksake84

Can you try and market these improvements to your parents as though you would be doing them a favour, such as when you stop living there and they may wish to seek a new tenant or sell the property?

I do not know of anyone who would want or expect carpet in the bathroom, and of course tenants or prospective buyers would usually tend to want to a property which is as modern or contemporary as possible, so you would be making your parents’ place more marketable for them.

Have you tried showing them some images of how you would like the work to look? Maybe show them some Pinterest photos. Good luck!