Parents won't let me paint my kitchen cupboards

[Forfucksake84]

I currently rent a flat off my parents. I have 2 children and have outgrown the flat and my parents have bought a bigger house to accommodate us. I will still be paying rent, and will be having a rent increase. I'm incredibly grateful that my parents have helped me into a bigger home but I feel they (particularly my dad) are being quite controlling about the small adjustments I would like to make to it. When we first looked at the house they agreed to me painting the kitchen cupboards when I move in. At the moment they are a boring mdf colour and I wanted to paint them a nice light grey. My dad has now backtracked and said that they don't want them done at all, and that they are fine as they are but has given no reason for it. I just don't understand how it would affect them as it won't be them living there! He reluctantly agreed to remove the carpets in the bathrooms as I said it was a hygiene issue but even that was a struggle. He keeps reminding me that he is the landlord and that I need to ge permission to do anything but it feels like he is treating the house as an asset and me as a tenant rather than his daughter and I really feel like I'm not allowed to make any changes at all. Im due to move in in 3 weeks and it's making g me not want to move in at all...
For reference I am 40 and my parents re in their mid 70s

I think you’re a tenant so you have no say really. If you don’t want to be a tenant or their tenant I think look elsewhere! X

They aren't treating her like any other tenant. They're charging low rent. If the list is long enough, what do you do as a LL when you need to cover the costs of the rental? Put the rent up.

Was going to say you could get them wrapped by a professional with their consent X

Excuse the pun but you are hung up on the papering, which is such a micro part of what's going on.

You are trapped in parent child dynamic and never evolved to the adult to adult dynamic most people have with their parents.

they are who they are.
Imo It's slightly mercenary to charge your child 1kpm when they clearly don't need it and probably aren't paying tax.
God knows why its not in a trust or 50/50 in your name.

that said you are a 40yo grown ass woman - vote with your feet.
pay £1.1k pm somewhere else or rent somewhere smaller for 1k

This isnt about cupboards its about control

You can do but it will still chip, my parents had it done and it looked good for 3 years with very minimal use. I can understand the parents wanting to keep the kitchen as it is.

I think you need to give your head a wobble.

You have parents who care for you.

They have accommodated you and your children in a property and because you feel you've outgrown it they've bought a larger property for you, with your input too viewing together.

They charge you less than market value rent

You've not needed to jump through admin hoops of affordability.

You won't be dealing with a local estate agent managing the rental, who will turn up frequently to inspect the property which in my experience can feel invasive.

You will likely inherit any cash and property within the next 10 years or so.

Now compare that to someone in your situation who is stuck in cramped accommodation, paying eye watering rent, with no caring patents or parents who are in a position to financially help.

You sound spoiled to be honest, I was surprised you were in your 40's to be honest. By the way you came across I initially thought you were young and immature, in your 20's.

I mean it's kitchen cabinet doors, like I say give your head a wobble. Maybe you should do some volunteering with something like woman's aid to give you perspective of how lucky, cared for and supported you are in your life.

Try and be more grateful for your blessings and less selfish in life, you'll feel happier and save your energy.

Because no landlord is going to allow her to paint the kitchen cupboards or take up flooring? I’m a pretty lenient landlord but I wouldn’t let tenants paint the kitchen cupboards that could cost me thousands if they make a mess - and I’d consider true preferences of a tenant for flooring if a carpet was worn and needed changing, but not just because they fancied something different.

If its purely aesthetic - I don't like this colour... Rather than this hasn't been changed since 1960...it will unlikely add value...

I feel your pain... I've lived in rental with the most hideous colours in the kitchen

I agree! So many posters are referring to the ‘landlords’. They are her parents FGS. If I were wealthy enough to do this I’d either buy the house for my adult child or allow them to live there rent-free until they could buy their own. I hate conditional
love or strings-attached favours with your own children.

This isn't a new uni grad just starting out in life though. Who you might house for free for a bit so they can save a deposit and be independent. This is a 40+ year old.

I'm sure there are a lot of other things they could have done with that money.

I don't need to charge my young adult working children at home anything but I do. I do because it's good for them to have some adult responsibility and have a sense of the real world. They get more than they give but it's the principle and not wanting them to get unrealistic expectations.

Painting cupboard doors can go horribly wrong. Why not get it wrapped instead?
You can buy the sticky vinyl or there are people who wrap it professionally.
Then at the end it will all just peel off.

They’re her landlords. Clearly they don’t want to gift her a house (for whatever reason, which is fine!)

I think they are unreasonable but it doesn't really matter, as they get to call the shots.

Not irrelevant. They have an opportunity to keep and grow a proportion of family wealth within the family instead of paying it to the state in taxes. This could outweigh the opportunity cost of not renting commercially. The benefit of compounding would also apply.

So, you and your children have all the security of homeowners, none of the maintenance and you get a discount, and this is all facilitated by your parents, but you are complaining about the kitchen cupboards?

You’re 40 years old and have two kids. You need to think about and discuss long term objectives.

Your comments are all a bit…wafty. If you hadn’t said your age, I’d have thought you were much younger.

I agree. Also there isn’t enough detail in OP’s posts to get a comprehensive view of the situation. Without getting her parents’ perspective there may be other factors at play here that are influencing their decisions.

I have no idea if this would work for you but Skipton Building Society offer a 100% mortgage for renters who have a proven record of making regular payments. Might be worth looking into to see if it would suit your situation.

https://www.skipton.co.uk/mortgages/first-time-buyers/track-record-mortgage

My friend's son is looking into this just to get on the ladder as he has been renting for a while and although he is saving hard for a deposit it has been slow going.

It is sad that your parents won't allow a professional wrap or painting of the kitchen. I got an online quote from these people just to see how much it would cost https://flowrap.uk/quote and they also have a lot of YouTube/Insta/TikTok videos showing them installing it.

If my middle aged daughter was a single mother of two I'd probably want to keep the property in my name too. What if she entered a relationship? The guy could have a claim on the house in future then she loses what I intended to give her and my grandchildren security. If it's in my name, he has no claim.

What would you do if your parents didn't rent to you cheaply OP? You need to consider how you can strengthen your position so you aren't reliant on them. For your own sake and that of your children.

I think you are being unreasonable as you only want to donut because they are boring. The colour of your kitchen cupboards can be boring. If you paint them it could end up looking a right old mess. A risk that would be worth taking if the cupboards were stained or something.

Yes, I agree. When I got my first home at 25 I couldn’t want to paint the kitchen walls pink. I did it straight away. But things like that aren’t a priority when you get older.

I don’t blame them. Most people do a bodge job of it.

Most landlords wouldn’t give permission for kitchen units to be painted.
A lot of my friends rent and they aren’t allowed to change anything, they can freshen up walls if they want to in a ‘neutral tone’ but that’s it, no changed to flooring or integrated items.
Yes it would be kinder if your parents to allow you to make the house how you would like it, it is going to be your home. However it sounds like there are very different expectations, you see it as your home and your parents helping achieve getting it, they see it as an investment and you are their tenant.
If the discount you are getting is only small and you can look elsewhere that may be an option, however the security you get from renting from your parents won’t be there and will probably cause harm to your relationship with them.
In this case, if I were you I would just suck it up, the kitchen units if an mdf colour sound fairly neutral so you can accessorise with colours, maybe change the handles will improve how they look?
Carpets in the bathrooms are just gross and no landlord would want to keep them in there so I would have definitely fought that battle as you did, but I wouldn’t bother fighting about the units.

He’s controlling, unless it’s a huge discount I wouldn’t did this as if it’s not this it’ll be something else

They've chosen to make this a business arrangement, if you can't see how that changes things, I don't know what to tell you.