Parents won't let me paint my kitchen cupboards

[Forfucksake84]

I currently rent a flat off my parents. I have 2 children and have outgrown the flat and my parents have bought a bigger house to accommodate us. I will still be paying rent, and will be having a rent increase. I'm incredibly grateful that my parents have helped me into a bigger home but I feel they (particularly my dad) are being quite controlling about the small adjustments I would like to make to it. When we first looked at the house they agreed to me painting the kitchen cupboards when I move in. At the moment they are a boring mdf colour and I wanted to paint them a nice light grey. My dad has now backtracked and said that they don't want them done at all, and that they are fine as they are but has given no reason for it. I just don't understand how it would affect them as it won't be them living there! He reluctantly agreed to remove the carpets in the bathrooms as I said it was a hygiene issue but even that was a struggle. He keeps reminding me that he is the landlord and that I need to ge permission to do anything but it feels like he is treating the house as an asset and me as a tenant rather than his daughter and I really feel like I'm not allowed to make any changes at all. Im due to move in in 3 weeks and it's making g me not want to move in at all...
For reference I am 40 and my parents re in their mid 70s

And I actually wrapped the kitchen in the house I live in. Only actual issue is that we need to replace a drawer and I haven't found a way to get the same colour wrapping. It's about three years in and the wrapping itself is going strong - you wouldn't know it was wrapped.

Other posters have said the same thing. Scroll through and make sure you call them stupid, too. 40 is middle aged? 😀
OPs father sounds like a controlling arse hole. If he wanted to help his daughter in a caring way he would have give her the money for a generous deposit so she could buy her own house. OPs parents probably think they are being helpful but they sound like a couple of twats.

Most landlords wouldn't agree to kitchen cupboards being painted though.

She wants the benefit of a family discount but doesn't want to live with the restrictions of a tenant. But that's just what she as she is renting the property, she doesn't own it so can't just do what she likes.

No but you can choose what to rent?!

when we moved into our house the cupboards were painted, they were awful, it doesnt work

If you can afford to have them professionally painted, maybe you could afford to replace the doors altogether? We replaced all of ours from DIY kitchens and it cost £1200 for them all. We put them on ourselves.
you could keep the old doors to put back, if it’s important to your parents.

I’ve only read your replies so you may have been told this but…

… painting kitchen cupboards (even by a “professional”) would not increase the value of your property. Not by a single penny.

kitchen cupboards aren’t really designed to be painted for vinyl wrapped. Sure, you can do it but often time it looks shit up close, even when done well, and the new surfaces won’t withstand the heat and moisture and everything else a kitchen produces. In a few years it will look tatty as hell.

Vinyl wrap is actually a lot more difficult to do well than YouTube would have you believe. You will end up with creases and folds everywhere. And unless you’re a real pro at it, you’ll see all the crappy finishes on the corners and insides.

it is a shame your dad agreed initially but has changed his mind but I also see it from his perspective. It IS an investment for him and he needs to ensure it is protected. Just because you think someone will look nicer that doesn’t make it a fact, and it’s him that would have to pay for it all to be made good whenever you eventually move out.

It's not nonsensical though.

The house is an asset. It's their asset, not yours. I assume he wants to leave maximum value to his grandchildren and provide for any care needs of him and his wife. Perhaps if you'd had to pay for them in the first place you would understand.

If it were mine, I wouldn't want my cupboards painted grey either. It's dated already, and dreary. It would likely devalue the house

Ask to replace the doors at your cost.

It’s unlikely to be a profit. If invested, the money would bring in more. My parents had a house like this and the income was their pension. The cost of various certificates, safety checks, insurance etc really eats into the income.

Are they quite controlling generally? If you’re still paying rent do you not think it might be better to rent off someone who isn’t family so you don’t have these tensions?

If they are treating you just like a ‘normal’ tenant, then go through the house and make a list of everything that needs sorting (not just bathroom carpets). Make sure the boiler has been serviced and try and pick as much as you can. Make sure all fire alarms etc are maintained.

You may think grey is dated but that doesn’t mean everyone else does. It is the op personal choice that she has chosen.

These are the choices you don’t get to make in a rental, though.

What’s the actual market rental price vs what you’re paying them? It does matter to an extent.

I mean, there's just no pleasing some people. Parents, do you a favor and you're probably going to inherit this house when you die.But lose your mind over painting kitchen cupboards?

What difference will it make to your life if the kitchen cupboards are painted or not?

Maybe if you don't like it go and buy your own house? All go and rant from a private landlord and see if they let you paint their cupboards?

Have a look at thepajaamahub on Instagram for brilliant ideas for improvements you can make to rental properties that won't cause any damage.

Ultimately it’s their property and their decision. I can’t imagine many other landlords allowing you to repaint the kitchen cabinets, but of course you can go a find a different property to rent and see how you get on.

Yabu. Yes it's annoying but it's his house. He can change his mind if he wants to given it's his property and he is the landlord whilst you're the tenant.

You sound entitled. In your shoes I'd focus on the fact that my parents were buying a larger property more suitable to my needs (you say you've iutgrown your flat). They don't have to do this.

So what if you're still paying circa £1k in rent. You yourself have said they're still renting to you slightly below market rate. Again they don't have to do this, they've already raised you. You're an adult. They don't have to continue to support you and your kids. You ought to appreciate you're being given help that many people don't receive.

If you don't like the current status quo move out and rent from someone else.

Note: I'm not bitter. If I were in your shoes my parents would indoubtedly do something similar. The difference being I couldn't ever imagine being so entitled/ungrateful.

It’s her dad surely any dad would want his daughter to be happy in her home. Yes the flat belongs to him but if a proper job is done on the cupboards then why kick up a fuss.

Not forgetting he did first say she could paint them but then changed his mind, bit unfair.

My Dad would also glibly say no to something without considering the consequences for the person living with it. Just being a bit blinkered. Carve out some distance between you and them. Try to reduce contact for a while to give you all some breathing space.
You don’t need to be in a position where you have to do what your parents say, but as things stand, they are your landlords.
Id want to know the long term plans for the property as well if anything should happen to them- will you inherit it for example? If that wasn’t on the cards, or can’t be discussed; it may be better for all of you, to let them find other tenants.

Once you paint it you've got to keep on painting it because it chips. Paying a professional every few years gets expensive.

Sounds like your parents are very generous if controlling. I'd just put up with it.

This. His house his rules. He’s the landlord you’re the tenant. He doesn’t need a reason or an explanation. You should be bloody grateful that they have provided you with a place to live. Talk about having your cake and eating it.

40 is indeed middle aged.

Twats don't buy houses for their 40+ year old children to live in. It doesn't sound like a house deposit would help because it doesn't sound like OP could get a mortgage for the balance.

Can't blame them for wanting to protect their investment. When you're renting, no matter who from, it's not your house. For all they know OP will enter a relationship in a few years and move out.

I wouldn't agree to painting the kitchen cupboards. I've done it once and it looked great but didn't wear well. If OP said she was happy to pay a professional or wrap it, then they may feel differently.

It’s bizarre to buy a house outright and then charge you rent.

Not as bizarre as carpets in the bathroom though ughhhhh.

They are wealthy enough to buy another house outright and are charging their own single parent daughter a grand a month to live in it..? Wow.